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Spotlight on Mummoth!

post #1 of 7
Thread Starter 

Fill in the blank

Hi! My name is _____. I am ______ years yyold. ______ and I have been together for ______ years. We have _______ kids and ______ pets. If I was at my favorite restaurant right now I would order _____ but we will actually be having _______ for dinner tonight. When I work for pay I ______.When I am home with the kids my favorite part of the day is _____. My hobbies and interests include _____, _______ and ______.


Favorite

Music:
Movie:
Book:
Season:
Household chore:
Cause:
Diaper:
Baby carrier:


If you could change one thing about _____, what would it be?

The world?
Your house?
Your parenting?
Your life?


What would your best friends say is your best feature?
If a genie gave you three wishes what would you ask for?
Do you have any pet peeves?
Where would you go on a dream vacation?
Where is the best place you've been?

Is there a question you would like to add or remove?

post #2 of 7

Fill in the blank

Hi! My name is Teresa. I am 34 years old. Andrew and I have been together for 3 years. We have 3 kids and 0 pets. If I was at my favorite restaurant right now I would order something new (I've been working on trying different things) but we will actually be having grilled cheese sandwiches, Andrew is leaving for gaming at 5 so he's not my problem for dinner tonight. When I work for pay I do after school care. When I am home with the kids my favorite part of the day is often supper time because everyone is sharing their day. My hobbies and interests include crocheting, gardening and cooking.


Favorite

Music: I don't really have a favourite, I like a lot. I just don't like it loud unless we're driving, then I want it to cover the sound of the truck accelerating which scares me!
Movie: Anything we can all watch together.
Book: I like getting novels at the SPCA thrift store, I read all kinds. 
Season: They all have their pros & cons... probably summer because my big kids are home.
Household chore: Making supper, but it usually doesn't feel like a chore.
Cause: If I were to actually get involved with something, it'd be to lobby for the court system to be revamped, but there isn't really anything going on there except for 'fathers rights' and 'grandparents rights' groups, both of which I am very much against. 

Diaper: Babykicks.
Baby carrier: daddy, she's getting heavy! Or the maya wrap if she's got to be on me.


If you could change one thing about _____, what would it be?

The world? there'd be a whole lot more sharing and a lot less wasting?
Your house? Bigger bathroom, with less purple.
Your parenting? I'd be a little more organized... the kids should be further along in swim lessons and it'd be nice if they could go to something like a cooking class or tennis lessons too.... I just suck at making it happen.
Your life? The big kids would be Andrew's biologically, too. 


What would your best friends say is your best feature? My ass! No. I think the word for it is diplomacy... I can stay calm and speak respectfully, but not give an inch when someone is trying to get under my skin or manipulate me.
If a genie gave you three wishes what would you ask for? That my kids always be safe and have good lives and their health, actually that's all I really want. For everyone I know, but especially my kids.
Do you have any pet peeves? Nit picking... I don't like being corrected for little mispronunciations and things... especially by Andrew, one of these days I'm going to snap, I swear. Every time I say I'm going to take a shower, he asks "Where are you going to take it to?" I KNOW the correct way is "have a shower" but it just comes out wrong. One word he says is "wished"... there's no present tense, he never says "I wish", It's always "I wished..." I really, really really want to say "So you don't wish that anymore then? What do you wish now?" but to me that's just rude, I know what he means so I just let it be. I really wish (note present tense) he would, too.
Where would you go on a dream vacation? I'd stay home! I don't like traveling. Once we get places I can usually make the best of it but it's not uncommon for me to cry myself to sleep if I'm not at home.

Where is the best place you've been? My parents summer cabin. This is the only place I actually look forward to going to (aside from ONE time when we went to a place in Osoyoos, and i think that was because my mom, one of my sisters and her family, and one of my cousins and her family all came too) Here's a picture of the lake, where my parents cabin is:

DSC05687.JPG

 



Is there a question you would like to add or remove?

post #3 of 7

Mummoth, I'm interested in what you would like to change about the court system in BC? In th US it is highly flawed, racist, classist etc. IMO but I'm not familiar with the Canadian system.

 

You seem like a "creature comforts" person, is there an alternate ego hiding in there anywhere? Like, do you have any adventurous fantasy world you would live out of given the chance?

 

Your dry sense of humor often comes out in your writing (makes me chuckle), have you ever considered writing creatively?

 

 

post #4 of 7

oooh, and another one...what do you think having your dh be the bio Dad for your older kids would change for the better?

 

That one is a little personal so I understand if you don't want to go into it...just curious as a fellow blended family Mama.

post #5 of 7


 

Quote:
Originally Posted by Hillary77 View Post

Mummoth, I'm interested in what you would like to change about the court system in BC? In th US it is highly flawed, racist, classist etc. IMO but I'm not familiar with the Canadian system.

 

The court system here just doesn't seem based in reality. I only have my experiences to go on, but it seems like people are given too many chances. They like to say it's 'in the best interest of the children' for both parents to be involved in their life... and that's usually right... but nothing is right 100% of the time. I've seen rulings made that were based on the assumption that XH was going to take responsibility for his actions, when his actions to that point indicated that he had no intention of following through. The day of XH's sentencing hearing, there was another guy before him. The guy was a repeat offender and had shoplifted something... he got 5 months in prison. It was XH's first offense, but he was there for beating the crap out of DS, who was 5 at the time. He got an 18 month 'suspended sentence' which means life goes on as normal except that he has to check in with a probation officer every month. 

 

Right now, we're going through a 'reunification precess' with XH for the kids... the court order is worded so that he has to email or skype with them a minimum of once a week, and visit them a minimum of once a month (with DH supervising!) The last time he decided to get back into their lives, he attended 3 counseling sessions with them and decided it was too expensive. That was over 4 years ago and between then and the start of the reunification, he responded to their emails once or twice a year (I let them email him whenever they asked to, which was once every few months... they have visits with his parents and they sometimes pressure the kids to contact him... that's a whole other can of worms, there)

 

I think if a person is so unmotivated to know their kids that you have to write the court order in a way that you're essentially forcing them to maintain contact, maybe they shouldn't be involved in the kids life. Most likely, he's going to abandon the kids again... is that 'in their best interest'? When we were in court, XH wasn't even asking to see the kids... he made excuses when the judge asked why he wasn't seeing them and she said "We've got to get you seeing them." and basically rammed it down his throat, never mind ours.

 

It feels like the judge has tried to twist our lives into a fairy tale ending... what the kids would want, yes... but NOT what they need. The court system doesn't protect them, at all.

 

You seem like a "creature comforts" person, is there an alternate ego hiding in there anywhere? Like, do you have any adventurous fantasy world you would live out of given the chance?

 

Actually, everyday life is more than enough adventure for me. I have an anxiety disorder with phobias... it's the reason I don't drive, I have panic attacks that are bad enough that it's probably not safe... it happens when I'm a passenger too, but it's easier if I can close my eyes and work through it.  In my early 20's it was so bad that the furthest I could get on my own most days was to the mailbox on the side of the house. Being able to get on the bus and go wherever I need to, and being able to enjoy going shopping and stuff like that is  something that I have to work at to keep up. I'm not on medication now, but I needed it the whole time I worked outside of the home, that was too much for me to cope with. I've got ativan for those situational things where an attack gets away from me, but I usually just ride them out.

 

Your dry sense of humor often comes out in your writing (makes me chuckle), have you ever considered writing creatively?

 

I've thought about writing a novel... but I don't have the attention span for something like that right now. We know a woman who has a book she's trying to get published ( an informational book on being child-free) It's come back to her a few times for changes... they want her to expand on this point, or cut a bunch from that point It doesn't sound like fun at all, and I'm not very good at sticking to things when they aren't fun. I guess if it was important enough to me I would, though!


I think I sort of answered the question about why I think the big kids would be better off if DH was their bio dad. They wouldn't have been hurt.

post #6 of 7

Mummoth,

 

Thanks for answering my nosy questions so thoroughly! I've learned a lot about you, as the thread intended I suppose. 

 

I'm sorry dealing with XH is so horrid and that the courts seem to be catering to him. Your XH sounds a lot like my Dad actually. He was abusive, abused alcohol and drugs, and was sporadically in our lives. I remember many instances of him having a plan to pick us up for an afternoon, and then calling to ask my "permission" to go to a friends party that "came up" instead of spending the day with us. So little seven year old me would say "Ok" because what else was I going to say? But inside of course I felt rejected.

I just saw this wonderful movie called "boy" which is a story of two little boys in NZ with a Dad like that and their different and evolving perspectives on him.

 

It's hard to say what to do in your position...I'm really glad your kids have your DH in their lives. My Mom never had healthy relationships with males and I had to work some of that out as a teenager -  I definitely craved male attention of any variety.

 

As an adult, my Dad and I have a cordial but pretty distant relationship. He went on to have another family and a daughter when I was 16 who he has a better relationship with. As he got older he got his violent tendencies in check - thank God. He STILL makes promises he doesn't keep all the time (usually about sending gifts to the grandkids) but I am so much better at not expecting anything and also not putting myself out for him or trying to make the relationship have more substance than it does. When I go back East to visit I don't make a huge effort to get together with him, for example. And if I do make a plan, I always put an end-time on it so I don't get sucked in and he doesn't get too drunk. He still drinks a lot. I've struggled over the years with it but also am glad I never shut him out of my life completely because I've learned a lot from having to create my own personal boundaries with him. I bet with yours and your DH's support your kids will find their own way with it eventually, though it must hurt a lot to see them affected by it now. I would say I *do* love him and feel connection to him...he is part of me. I also know he loves me - though he is very, very limited in his abilities.

 

It is interesting you have anxiety disorder - your "voice" and humor come through in your writing in a way that suggests a vivid inner life. It reminds me of another friend of mine who is very introverted and secretly the funniest person in the world! My DP has severe anxiety disorder as well and my DD has tendencies toward it too - she had panic attacks throughout the year she was 7 which didn't let up until moving to Hawaii. It was terrible, she really thought she was dying at times..sweet little girl.  My sister has them too. I feel like I know a lot about it just from having so many people close to me who have it, though it can be very different for different folks. Thank goodness DP has not had a serious flare-up in a while even with the stress of a new baby etc.

Also, I have a driving phobia - just learned two years ago (finally) and I still really don't like to drive at night or long distances though I am glad I did learn. I have a hard time being a passenger too as my Dad took us on some really scary drunk driving trips as a kid, and always sped and took crazy risks. My Mom is a bad driver too and had horrible road rage issues. Add to all that I grew up in Massachusetts, land of the A-hole driver, and voila. My sister doesn't drive either.

 

Have you ever tried supplements for anxiety? My sister had luck with 5-HTP which is an amino acid and a seratonin precursor.

 

I think I may write a novel too when I'm done raising kids and have time. 

 

 

 

 

 

post #7 of 7

I think being abandoned by a parent is one of the hardest things a kid can go through. My mom's dad died when she was 15 and she remembers thinking that at least he didn't leave them. She knew he'd be there if he could (she hasn't said that since before all this happened, I just remember her saying it from years ago) I think DS already has him pegged, more or less... there have been a few skypes where he decided to go to a friends house instead of coming home and talking (one of them DD and I got home and XH had canceled anyway) It's good to hear that you're glad you know your dad... I try and tell myself that it's better for my relationship with the kids to not be in the way of them knowing him. But then, I've heard of kids being mad that their mom didn't protect them from a toxic relationship, and I've heard of kids being mad about being kept from a parent so who knows what's right? 

 

I actually have my drivers license. I drove for about 2 years, believing like everyone says, that you get used to it when you gain confidence. Ummm, no. It got worse as time went on. I think not driving has been better for me anyway. I'm fat but almost everywhere we need to go is within 3 or 4KM, so I walk there (and back, heh) It's good for the kids, too.... I've noticed my after school care kids/other kids on the playground get out of breath much easier than my kids do. And we don't need a second vehicle... well, DH has his scooter but it's something like $30/month to insure and $8 on gas (I guess that might be different where you are... for perspective our truck is about $150 to insure and uses $200. in gas and when we had the car it was $230 for insurance and we spent about $125 on gas each month) I used a lot of the stuff I learned for dealing with anxiety for coping in labour, too. I haven't tried supplements for anxiety... I sometimes take Valerian root, but it wasn't okay for pregnancy so I'm assuming it's not while nursing, either.

 

We got a family doctor this week! It's hard to find one here, we have lots of drop-in clinics but they aren't the same. DH and I interviewed another one while I was pregnant, I don't know if you remember the overflowing sharps container story... anyway, this one is much, much better. For one, he didn't ask my weight or decide that I needed medical treatment because of it... he actually listened to what my history, gave me the thumbs up when I said I had the kids at home and was supportive of nursing. he says if the front desk calls me back after a test it's NEVER an emergency so don't worry. He said if it's something urgent he will call himself (having a doctor actually pick up the phone and speak to a patient is unheard of here) So far this one is a keeper, I'm stupidly happy about that. I haven't had a family doctor for 15 years and that was one thing that made me feel like a BAD MOM.

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