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I lost my bestfriend my mom 1.5 years ago & I miss her so much and I can't seem to survive alone anymore..
 
My dad, brother and I have lost her due a sudden unexpected heart attack when she was 52 years old.
 
I was her only and spoiled daughter and everyone noticed how much I was spoiled, and I say that with pain. We used to chat with each other before bed and cuddle a lot.. Now I miss her so much, and I wish someone would fill in the blank she left in my heart.
 
I'm a Uni. student. A year after I lost my mom, I have had a long term crush of my former professor who doesn't seem to care about me.. I just love her so much, I constantly see her as a role model & sometime I wish she becomes my surrogant mother for a week or two. She's very successful, yonge & attractive woman just as my own mother was. I'm not bi or anything, I just want her to fill in that place of my mom or at least be there to help.
 
I can't seem help myself getting over my 'crush?' nor focusing on my study - at all..
 
I have seen therapists, they were 8 sessions ( to coping with my mom loss, grieving, and bereavement), they didn't help in removing these 'I need a mother feelings'. I also stayed in touch with family,  made lots of friends.. But I still need someone as a mother and it's a huge painful feeling that no one can understand.
 
Ok.. you may say get over it and move on. IT IS HARD TO MOVE ON WITHOUT A MOTHER. I understand that I can't bring her back, and that is just another killing pain on my shoulder. But I need a life mother, some woman who can fight for me, guide me and be there whenever I need her. Thinking in unreal way about my professor helps a lot, but it's painful.. because inside of me I know that's not gonna happen. I always have dreams of her hugging me and comforting me, and telling me she will be there , but that's just not true. 
 
My professor actually, thinks I'm weird, stupid and hard to fix, even though I forced myself to be excellent in her class to get her attention.. I also offered her extra helps to get closer to her, But I can't change her perception about me cuz she just decided to not respond to any of my emails/contacts because I told her how much she reminded me of my mom and she's my favorite professor at the end of the class.. etc...... Appearently , her life is so busy and she's so busy to bother herself with my issue, or even look at me.
 
My school grades suck the most of all, because I think about my prof so much.. I almost failed two of my classes this semester due to my stupid day dreams that I can't get over. I can't get her out of my head.
 
I feel like I have a 3 yrs old girl's soul & feelings,,  even though I'm almost 22 yo and almost graduating from University. 
 
I feel weaker, heartbroken day by day.. I cry for the tinest issues and I wish a lovely mother/caring woman was there ..
 
I have exams in two days and I can't focus on anything, I always stay in bed imagining what a caring mother would do for me, like hugging and cuddling.. I go to the gym 4 times a week, but I still feel lazy and depressed. I barely eat well. I don't wanna eat, I just want a mother.

 I'm missing that physical attraction (touching) so much these days.. And my mom left a big hole in my heart