I am having such a hard time getting my head around the idea that we will soon be a two child family. I was so excited for our first to come I could hardly wait. This time around I'm feeling really hesitant, almost reluctant. I'm sure that this is a normal feeling so I am trying to not dwell on it. I know when this baby comes I will totally fall in love with him/her.
But at the moment, I'm feeling really jealous of my time with DD. We have a really sweet close relationship. I'm sad to think about having to share our time with another child. And sad to think that my relationship with her will probably change with the new baby.
I'm concerned that I just won't have the time and energy to give as much to my daughter as I do now. I also realize that having another child is going to be more healthy for her. Having her parent's complete undivided attention can be a bit overwhelming for her, I think. Having another child will bring more balance. And I know that she is going to love being a sister. In fact, that is the one thing that I am most excited about.
I am trying to soak in these last few weeks with having an only child. I know in my rational mind that it will be great and we will have even so much more love and joy, and that will outweigh the difficult things that come with a new baby. But my emotional side is grieving a bit right now. I also feel sad that I'm not as head over heals about this babe as I was with the first. He/she is already getting a lot less attention than DD ever did in utero.
It is odd to me that I feel this way since I have wanted another child so much. We tried for a while before conceiving this time. The hard part is that I had just come to resolution that we were meant to be a single child family and I wasn't going to keep trying after that last cycle (the one we ended up conceiving on). I was so sad at first to give up on having another, but then I felt that it really was the right thing for our family. I had a deep sense of peace about it. Then, bam!, I was pregnant. I guess letting go of the grasping for another was what made it happen. But then my feelings were really conflicted since I had really let that desire go. It's been a bit of a roller coaster.
But even with this personal history aside, this must be a really normal feeling. I have a friend pregnant with #3 and she is also feeling something similar. So, it may not even matter how many children you have, each one is going to change the balance.
I would love to hear from other mamas who have been through this. Did your connection to your first really change with the new one? Did you find yourself missing the days when all of your attention and love was just for one? Or does the new babe just rush into your heart so fully that you never look back?