MY husband's family had a child that they decided to adopt out. She was born with many issues, the biggest may or may not be is she is blind. There were several conditions of the adoption, she was to be the last of the adoptions of this family (30+) and it was an open adoption. My husband has always been "uncle" and his parents have been involved twice a year plus letters, phone calls and emails. Her bio parents eventually married and have raised two more children together. His brother has been more involved than the bio mother (guilt, family pressure.. whatever)
Fast forward..she is an adult.. on SSDI and "renting" from her adopted mom (along with 13 other special needs or under the age of 18 dependents)
This child's youngest adopted brother is in our child's kinder class, and again in his 1st grade class..(6 more children have been adopted) There is no way (or desire) to ignore her and her large family. I have been more involved and as I saw her several times a week.. and started taking her to school twice a week and being her sighted guide.
I am privy to her real life and not the 'scrubbed and shiny' version. There is self neglect, major body odor issues, hair that is unintentionally in dreads, finger and toe nails that are too long for comfort,(over 1/4 inch past toes) and this young lady's diet consists of fast food and canned goods. She is her own adult.. but she has no access to her money. Her clothes are falling apart and reek of foul body odors and stains. She was sexually abused by a trusted family friend and her adopted sister was recently repeatedly raped by an older adopted brother.. non special needs.. that has been prosecuted.
I have shared this with her bio grandparents on her father's side and of course with my husband. NOT WITH HER BIO parents.. we can't talk about her....it's too painful for them.. this comes from my FIL and MIL
My inlaws think that this is too stressful for me and that I need to walk away. AND LEAVE IT ALONE.. IE abandon her again.
I have had her for a week... while her adopted mother took three of the other girls in the house to Florida for a vacation. She has showered everyday.. had to be taught how to use soap and a wash cloth. She hasn't washed her hair everyday.. she prefers for her adoptive mom to do it... I finally convinced her that it needs to be washed by her. Her hair is long, past her shoulders and she would like to cut it, but her adoptive mom will not allow it and in fact FORBADE me to take her to get a hair cut. It took over an hour and more morrocan oil than I want to think about to get the dreads out. I have replaced the two pairs of underwear and one bra (all full of holes) with several packages of underwear and three new bras, and gotten her new pants, shirts, shoes and socks. (not something I really had the money to do.. put it on credit)
I would like to see a better life for this young woman I have come to love. I know that life can not be at my house. I have thee children that have basically been ignored while I focus on trying to help my niece this week. What do I do? Where do I turn? Is this abuse? (I think it is.. but is it legally?)
The state is very involved with this family and evidently doesn't think anything is all that wrong.