Any one else with a "large" family kind of wanting another

[sarafi]

We have four. DD 9 DS 6 DS 3 DD 9 months. Not sure if it's just some weird postpartum hormones, but I have been thinking about wanting another--but in 3-4 years. If we wait 4 years I will be pushing 39 so may have aged myself out of easy conceptions. That said my mother had my last sister at 42 (totally unplanned) so there is hope I could pull it off.

We agreed on four before starting our family, I was DONE with two and yet here I am secretly wishing for five!? Crazy, right? My DH was excited to get the big V done after our last and I have talked him out of it, but not brought up the idea of not being totally done having babies. I don't enjoy pregnancy, but love my babies...

Anyone else with these crazy thoughts? Add that to the fact that we currently live in Europe and are really excited about travelling, but it just gets harder with more children--Arggh, I am hoping it's a faze.

[phatchristy]

I totally get it...you love your family and you know that they will likely be the best/most important thing you do in your life.  Yes, having four is at some times challenging, etc.  But in so many ways so worth all of it!  

I have the same feelings (as does DH) sometimes.  My fourth is now 3 y.o., and I too am getting older!  It's a tough thing to think about.  I'm currently waiting for AF here, my cycle was all weird last month and I'm concerned that I could have had my own 'happy accident'.

[mataji4]

I think we need to stop calling ourselves "crazy" for desiring babies, more kids, large families.  My mother-in-law called me crazy when I told her I was pregnant last time, with a serious face.  Once you have five kids people start comparing you to Michele Duggar, insist you are ruining the planet, that you are on some sort of self-satisfying ego trip reproducing yourself, and that, poor you, you must not feel confident enough to find something else you could do with yourself.

I have five kids, 20 months to 13 years old.  I'm a pretty good mom but I am learning from my mistakes always, and now I feel like I'm just getting good at it!  I would love to travel too but travel is a brief experience and hopefully I'll be able to travel when I'm older.  This making babies and caring for them as they grow, filtering out all the b.s. for them and watching them shine, and the courage it takes to stay strong as a mom are why I still might have another.  It is truly the most amazing miracle to participate in, so I understand why you'd want to do it again!!

I would love to live in Europe or a tropical paradise with my big family!!!  Lucky you all : )

[mataji4]

And I'll turn 37 this year so I too am wondering if I'm too old (and depleted!) to have another as I'd want to wait maybe a year before conceiving. 

Also, I think that some people have raging baby-having hormones.  Getting pregnant is my biggest turn-on.  Most people don't get that.  Some people think I'm not as evolved and that it's gross and disgusting and primitive to engage my reproductive desires like this.  I have to work hard to not feel ashamed of my big van, my brood, my happiness with it all (most days).  

[phatchristy]

Jenny--I should ask you advice about going from 4 to 5....what kind of attitude did you get from people.  I already went through some when I was pregnant with 4.  Also, can you 'hide' the pregnancy in the beginning from the kids or not?  I guess think thing I would be most worried about here as an older mom is miscarriage.  I know, as we age our eggs get 'older'...sigh.

Edited by phatchristy - 4/20/12 at 6:11am

[mrsmommyface]

Like an above poster said, it's not crazy to want more babies. You should go for it! Like Mother Teresa said..."How can there be too many children? That is like saying there are too many flowers." 

[Drummer's Wife]

We have four (ages 5, 7, 9, and 11), and have been TTC #5 for more than 3 yrs now. I would love 1-2 more, but we shall see what happens. I don't care that it seems crazy. Whatever. Surely people will say things, but it doesn't bother me as much as it bothers me to not be able to add to our family. I do hope to foster/adopt in the future if we don't end up with another baby. I'm 32, so while I'm getting older, I still feel like there's time left for more pregnancies (assuming I can finally get knocked up again!).

[lovebeingamomma]

I have 3 (ages 5, 3, & 11 mo), and I find myself aching to be pregnant again.  I totally get it.  And I hope you find yourself knocked up soon drummer's wife :)  

Originally Posted by Drummer's Wife 

We have four (ages 5, 7, 9, and 11), and have been TTC #5 for more than 3 yrs now. I would love 1-2 more, but we shall see what happens. I don't care that it seems crazy. Whatever. Surely people will say things, but it doesn't bother me as much as it bothers me to not be able to add to our family. I do hope to foster/adopt in the future if we don't end up with another baby. I'm 32, so while I'm getting older, I still feel like there's time left for more pregnancies (assuming I can finally get knocked up again!).

[fruitfulmomma]

I think we got more comments going from 3 to 4 than we did from 4 to 5. We are on #6 now and haven't gotten many comments other than this is our 5th girl and my poor son with no brothers, blah,blah. I miscarried our last at somewhere between 8 and 12 weeks and at that time only my son knew so we. Had to tell him but dh ended telling the other kids which was good since they were quite worried about me. We are qf so I expect to have more and want more, but right now I am tired and cranky and hoping for my usual 2 year spacing between this one and the next. I am 32 but I've never been uber-fertile and wonder if my fertility is already starting to slow down with the time it took after my miscarriage to get pregnant again.

[alaskanmomma]

I only have 2, but I know the feeling. I KNOW I want 6. People act like that is CRAZY. Add on the fact I have a desire to travel and retire someday and let the laughing occur :)

[Jillian78]

I am so insanely happy to read this thread. I have four with me full-time, ages 13 (girl), 8 (boy), 4 (boy), and 2 (boy).  I also have a 15 year old boy that I have part time. I'm 34, and want another. I know it will be my last, and part of my desire is that we finally have a birth center opening here. I feel like I can have not only another child, but also the birth I had always dreamed of having.

I haven't told many people our plans to start TTC in the next couple of months, but those I have were the ones I knew would be supportive. I'm a professional mom with a wonderful husband who is a SAHD for the most part, he's a photographer and shoots mostly weekend events/weddings. We've lost most of our "friends" over the years, as they have no kids, or if they do it's one "accidental" baby. We've been working on making new friends, and it's going okay. We get a lot of negative remarks from family, co-workers, etc. Honestly, it really hurts my feelings. My kids are all bright, well provided for and frankly fairly spoiled. 

Needless to say, I'm not looking forward to the negative response we'll get when it's time to share the news. It's great to see others handling it so well though!

[phatchristy]

Originally Posted by fruitfulmomma 

I think we got more comments going from 3 to 4 than we did from 4 to 5. We are on #6 now and haven't gotten many comments other than this is our 5th girl and my poor son with no brothers, blah,blah. I miscarried our last at somewhere between 8 and 12 weeks and at that time only my son knew so we. Had to tell him but dh ended telling the other kids which was good since they were quite worried about me. We are qf so I expect to have more and want more, but right now I am tired and cranky and hoping for my usual 2 year spacing between this one and the next. I am 32 but I've never been uber-fertile and wonder if my fertility is already starting to slow down with the time it took after my miscarriage to get pregnant again.

I do the natural family planning here and though I didn't 'plan' to have another we always told people that if it was God's will it would happen LOL....well last month some unusual stress basically caused my cycle to go weird and now I am expecting #5.  I'm an older mom now and there is a lot of new things I will need to think about this time.  

[mataji4]

The hardest transition for me was from 3 to 4, but I know that's different for all big families.  4 to 5 was a breeze because the baby was so easy and I had an older daughter who was very helpful.  

Yes, the comments can be very hurtful, even coming from people you don't know.  We hid our 5th pregnancy until almost 12 weeks and then told the kids Christmas morning.  Some people were suspicious as my belly was sort of obviously round in the pregnant way but they didn't say anything.  I thought Christmas would be a nice time to share the news because everyone would be in good spirits and thinking of baby Jesus, but it didn't stop rude comments and reactions from family members.  

I really love Mary Ostyn's book about big families- "The Sane Woman's Guide to Raising a Large Family.  Though I am not religious I found her practical advice helpful and just loved reading about the life of someone surrounded by kids.  She expressed her emotions around not wanting to be "done" with babies very well, and when I read it I cried!  She also writes about people's reactions and says that you don't want to plan your family size around what the checkers at a store think of your family, and that relatives all adore then once they are born, so as long as you can provide for them let it be a decision between you and your husband and forget about other people.  I actually think the last pregnancy brought my husband and I closer because we were really the only ones (and the kids!) truly excited about the baby!!  We had the baby at home unassisted too so the whole experience was very holy and intimate.

I know I'm going to do it again.  I just hope my body's up for it when I do!!

I have gotten pregnant immediately before, so I haven't worried about my fertility.  I was more worried about the integrity of the egg and the higher risk for chromosomal defects.

[mataji4]

fruitfulmomma, we got the same thing but with reversed genders.  I have one daughter, she's my second child, and boy that's really all anyone could talk about when I pregnant with my fifth..."Well, I sure hope for your sake that this one is a girl!"  And then I'd say we knew it was a boy and they just stood there looking dumb.  I don't appreciate the comments about my poor daughter, as I don't think she minds so much and puts ideas in her head!  Also there are a lot of negative comments said about boys in front of my boys.  I actually said to one woman, "I'm sorry, you must not have realized you actually said that out loud in front of my kids."  HA!  However, that said, I would think another girl would bring a little balance!

[mataji4]

Mary Ostyn said that after the 5th or 6th people just expected it and would say "So when you going to do it again?" instead of acting shocked.

I have always said I would have seven kids (you know, like the Waltons which was SO not my family growing up)...so last time when my mom was so surprised, I said "Mom, I always wanted a bunch of kids.  Why are you so surprised?  This shouldn't be shocking."  But apparently it is shocking to watch your "baby" take on such a lot of responsibility, as she worries about my health and my lack of time for myself and she worries that I'm pushing my luck...so it comes from a place of concern, not really judgement.  She also has said that there's no way SHE could have had this many kids so it's more her lack of understanding how I do it than judgement.  

[kblackstone444]

I always wanted 10 children.  I think it's pretty safe to say that's not happening, as I'll be 36 on Monday.  But... I have a 16 year old son and a 15 month old son, both with me full time.  My boyfriend has an 11 year old daughter, an 8 year old son and a 4 year old daughter, with him full time, as he's a widower.  We'd both like a couple more children someday.

[pattimomma]

We have five children and I don't really think of it as a big family. I would like to have two more. We will probably start TTC sometime between July 2012 and January 2013. I will be 35 in July. People have said all kinds of nasty things but less comments were made with baby number five. I think people finally got use to the fact that I have a bunch of kids. There's nothing crazy about wanting a big family so I always say go for it!

Off Topic- Kblackstone444 I love your signature, that's the truth!!!
 

[ecomama3]

I'm so glad I saw this thread! I am 26 and have 3 kids ( DS 7.5, DD 3.5, DD 2) and I kind of want one more..and I just may get it. DH (29) has said several times that he is done and doesn't want anymore. But last week he didn't pull out, so I have one more week to wait to find out. I am super fertile, and was pregnant with both my girls on the first try. We've always used the withdrawal method (and NFP) the 7 years we've been together and it has worked for us. So I'm a little excited but also a little worried. I know no one in both our families will be happy about it if i am indeed pregnant with #4....except for my MIL, who would be the only supportive one. Too bad she lives 4 hours away. I know my mom has had a negative reaction to all 3 of my pregnancies which bothers me, but it's not about her, she always gets over it, but i never had that moment where i was so excited to tell my mom I was pregnant so she could be happy with me. For those of you with big families already, is there a big financial impact going from 3 to 4? or is it really just another plate to make and another load of laundry to do like some people have put it? 

I really would love to have ONE more, the only thing that concerns me is the financial part. I am a SAHM with a small night job (one newspaper run that takes me about an hour). We are still co-sleeping with my 2 yr old who is also still breastfeeding. And I cloth diaper, so I would have those to reuse with the next baby. So i figure if we had another, there wouldn't be too much expense during the first year since food and diapering would be covered. If it was a boy, then all we would need are clothes. I still have an infant carseat, 2 slings, and a double stroller. I guess I am more concerned about when they get older and are all in school. Is there a big difference in supporting 4 over 3?

Edited by ecomama3 - 5/18/12 at 4:43pm