Just found out today...wasn't expecting #3 so soon...a little frustrated! « Back to Group Discussions

[SingingBirth]

Yes. I want this baby and love this baby and will do everything I can to take care of myself and this baby. BUT....

I was planning on this more like a year from now! We have two other girls (5 and almost 2). We have always planned on a big-ish family, so this is in line with our master plan, but the move from #1 to #2 has proven to be pretty difficult. Our second born is way more stubborn and demanding. I have lost my patience more in the past year and a half than I have EVER in my whole life. I guess, for one thing, I am concerned about how I will deal with the chaos and stress of adding another right now. My only hope is that what people tell me about #3 is true...I have heard from several people that going from 2 to 3 is a little easier than 1 to 2. Please don't crush my dream...those of you who disagree!!

Other worries on my mind (thanks for allowing me to get them out of my brain!)

1. The girls already share a room in our two bedroom house. We WERE planning on expanding the attic space into a third bedroom in the FUTURE. But we don't really have the $$ do to that now.

2. I had a plan for myself. I FINALLY realized that if I want ANY personal time or any chance to workout and get into shape that I must get up early and go to the Y before the house is awake. I have been doing it for about a month and LOVE IT!!!   I JUST started to lose a little weight and started to see my muscles return. Now, I want to keep up my new routine, but it will be for a different goal. I know this is selfish, considering all the loving parents out there that have been waiting for babies for YEARS...but I just wanted a little time to get back into shape. Going into pregnancy 20 pounds overweight is kind of bumming me out!

3. While I'm being selfish....I wanted just a few months (maybe 2?) when I wasn't nursing or pregnant. Our toddler is nursing, which is great, but I was hoping for a Margarita (or wine or other fun drink) in the near future, without worrying about the little one waking up and needing to breastfeed. Also, my best friend is moving back to the area after almost 10 years of living in another country, and I had this dream of going somewhere with her (a mini vacation...where we could sip wine and soul bond) Say goodbye to that daydream! :)

4. I'm just simply overwhelmed! We have an old house that constantly has projects in progress, we have chickens and bunnies and cats and now an eight month old puppy that's in heat for the first time ever and dripping blood all over the place! Just to name a few things. UGGHH.

Those of you who have made it through this post, thank you for hearing my vent. Please don't get me wrong. I love being pregnant, and am very excited to have another baby. It just seems like the wrong time, but I guess this baby knows better than I do. Now's the time. The timing is for a reason.

[cales27]

We were planning on having baby #2 in a few years too. 

But surprise, surprise... baby #2 is on the way right now.

So, I kind of feel your pain.

I would say it's definitely allowed to be frustrated.

Especially since it's something that you weren't expecting at this moment.

I say, give it a few weeks... and maybe you'll feel less overwhelmed about it all.

That's what I'm doing for myself.  I'm so frustrated right now.. but I'm hoping in a few weeks, I'll feel better about the situation. 

[madis81]

SingingBirth, I totally understand where you are coming from. After DD2 was born we talked about #3, but it just couldn't happen anytime soon. That transition from 1 to 2 was ROUGH and I needed at least another year, because my DD was stubborn, strong-willed, spirited, and never slept. At one point I actually decided I was DONE having kids, because I just couldn't handle it and I was frustrated beyond belief. When I found out I was pregnant with #3 I cried and was in disbelief for a few weeks. Our home was also too small (2 BR APT) and I was heading back to school. But guess what!? It all turned out OKAY! The transition from 2 to 3 was smooth (and my DH was away for several weeks in the beginning too!) and my DD2 turned into this sweet nurturing little mama. She amazes me with how much she has matured since then. We still have our moments, but everything is so much better now compared to then. And the housing situation worked itself out. We were in a 2 BR for a while, but baby's don't take up a lot of room so that's a plus!

Now I just need to relax about #4 coming and stop worrying about how my DS will adjust. He's a mama's boy and gets very jealous when I'm around another baby.

And just like cales27 said, give it a few weeks and let it sink in... maybe you will feel better about it and perhaps even be excited.
 

[tropicana74]

I hear ya! It's OK to feel all of that. Sometimes God's plans are just different than ours. I don't know if you saw my post titled "So glad to see so many other moms of 3+..." I share a lot of your same stresses!

We are not living in a housing situation that I am comfortable with bringing #4 into either but...it is what it is.

I understand totally about wanting to have your body to yourself for just a bit. I was SO looking forward to my son weaning so that I could do a cleanse (I like to do one every year but it puts too many toxins into the blood stream to safely be done while pregnant or nursing). I love feeling like I have kind of "reset" my body and cleaned it out. I am feeling so sluggish lately and now have another 3+ years before I can cleanse again. 

(On a side note...I did a lot of research about alcohol while nursing and learned a lot. I spoke to a lactation consultant and read some articles written by different doctors. After all my reading I was very comfortable with having an alcoholic beverage on occasion while breastfeeding. All that to say that in another 8 months you may be able to partake in a drink with a friend)!

Hang in there momma. You aren't alone! 

[SingingBirth]

Thanks for the comments! As the moments move on, it is sinking in a little more. Once I can let go of some of my worries, I know I will feel excited!

Sometimes you just need to vent and get the thoughts in your mind out on "screen". lol  I just thought I was going to have a little more time, but you have to roll with what is given to you and be thankful.

Tropicana- I totally did see your post right after I wrote this one! I loved seeing all those mamas expecting #4, 5, or 6. So great!! I hope that will be me someday, and I really can't get there without number 3, right?! Reading some of the posts certainly humbled me. I absolutely know what you mean about the cleanse. I think that's what I meant but couldn't articulate it. Just some time to reset your body and get back to a healthy starting point. But here we are, and I need to take care of my body for both of us now. Also, I totally have a drink sometimes, while breastfeeding (not now of course). I'm just complaining I guess, 'cause I never feel like I can really freely have a drink without worrying about how it might affect someone else's body, ya know?

I never thought I would write a post like this. Our other pregnancies (even our little boy that we lost in 2009) were planned, and when I found out I was pregnant with each I was over the moon immediately. I'm already feeling guilty for treating this one differently.

Dear Little One,

I love you. So glad you came, even though you surprised me. Give mommy a few days to come out of the mist!

[Harmony96]

My first was 4-1/2 and my second was 20 months when we found out we were expecting (planned and very much wanted) #3. We live in a 2BR/1BA apartment (moving to a house this summer, but still it will be 2BR/1BA, but have a YARD yay! and an additional living area). DD and DS share a room. Little DS was going to be in the crib in our room, that DS1 was in before we moved him into DD's room.

I was still nursing DS off and on and intended to nurse through the pregnancy and possibly tandem. DS would only nurse for a second or so, and maybe once every other day or every third day, but he maintained his ability to latch. My water broke at 23 weeks and I was placed on hospital bedrest. I can't remember the last time I nursed DS prior to that, but it would probably have been about two weeks or so. I went into unstoppable labor at 25w5d and DS2 was delivered by emergency c-section. When I went home and my milk came in, I thought I'd try to nurse DS again. The first time failed, but the next three times, he nursed! And he nursed for more than just the 2 seconds he was used to.

Then my mom took him and DD to her house (7 hours away) indefinitely, while DS2 was in the NICU, so I could pump and go visit him w/o having to worry about childcare. My kids came home just hours before we lost DS2. The next morning, I was very engorged. I tried to get DS to nurse again, but he had really forgotten this time, as I found out when trying again over the next few days.

I was not pregnant. I was not nursing. I was forced into that position. It had been nearly six years since I was neither pregnant nor nursing, and I had forgotten how to eat "for one."

But now #4 is on the way, and DH and I are thrilled.

[darkblue0729]

Mama, fwiw, my eldest was 8 months old when I became pregnant with her little sister-so they are 17 months apart. DD2 was 13 months when we conceived DS so they are 22 months apart...DS is 19 months and we are now pregnant with #4...I have come to wholeheartedly embrace the chaos and I truly believe that if we all waited until things were perfect in our nests to have a brood many of us would end up childless. Are we poorer than I dream of being? Heck yeah (but who isn't, lol) Do I feel harried sometimes? Oh my gosh yes. Sometimes I dole out ice cream cones and lead the baby birds out to our front porch at like 8 am so they can chomp *quietly* if even for a minute while I enjoy morning sickness and salsa :) Hang in there. These feelings will pass (it sounds like they already are starting to) and just know that you are being blessed beyond measure with this little babe!

[phatchristy]

I'm not even sure how to feel here, it's got to be normal to feel this way initially.  This is after 4 planned.  Having a lot of stress this last cycle completely messed me up.  Sigh.  I still can't believe it.  Took two tests.

[SingingBirth]

I hadn't checked this for a day or so. Thanks for the continued responses.

Harmony..Thank you so much for sharing the story about your son. We lost a little boy in May of 2009. I was 20 weeks pregnant. We found out during the routine ultrasound done around that time, and then we took a day or so before going into the hospital and giving birth to him. It is the most devastating event of my life so far. That is why I felt so completely guilty with all my emotions when I first found out. It's not like I don't want this little one, or don't love this baby with all my heart. I just got surprised, and I wasn't personally where I wanted to be. I was really expecting to have a few more months. But as DarkBlue has pointed out, if we wait around for the timing to be right, then nothing would ever happen. I AM really thankful for this little babe, and I am definitely getting my head around being pregnant again. Now my job is to try and not worry so much, as I did last time. It's hard not to worry about your rainbow baby, ya know?

Note to self:

Try not to let the stresses of everyday chaos, not having any money, and being 20 pounds overweight get to you. Enjoy what has been given to you! Recognize that this IS the plan and it's wonderful. Breath. And try not to lose your cool with your almost 2 and 5 year olds!
 

[Millie Ivy]

I actually PLANNED this one for once and I'm still going through some of the feelings you have right now. <3  I'm in yoga teacher training, I work pt, I needed to lose a few lbs, this fall will be the first time in 11.5 years I'll have all kids in school at the same time, etcetcetc.

But I know that "my" time will come again.  We decided we did want another, and I knew that I didn't want to wait much longer to be done with the baby making years.  (I'm only 30, but I started young, with kids 5-11 years old. )  And it's worth the work right now.  I'll also get my shape back again too. :-)