Trying to recover from disordered eating but in charge of meal planning and food preparation for...

[ceeveg]

For some time I have struggled with disordered eating—behaviors like not eating, restricting eating, binging, using laxatives, purging, and eating compulsively.  Now, my primary problem involves obsessing over calories, restricting, and then overeating to compensate for restricting.

I’m trying to become more “normal” about eating, not obsessively calorie counting, or eating a restricted diet, and focusing on eating based upon hunger, but I am also the meal planner and cook for my family. 

Has anyone else struggled with this?  If I could, I would love to just have someone else cook for me, but that doesn’t fit into our budget.  Doing things like frozen or pre-prepared meals isn’t an option because of cost, but also for health (sodium-related high blood pressure, etc.).   My partner wants to be supportive, but he works full-time, goes to school full-time, and spends his “spare” time working on our house to prepare it to sell.  While it may be an option in the future that he takes over planning, shopping and cooking, he does not currently have the time to do so.

What are some strategies that have worked for you?  How can I stop thinking about these things so much?  I probably spend several hours a day thinking and worrying about food.

[crunchy_mommy]

I have no idea but I just wanted to send hugs!! This is so tough, I'm trying to pull myself our of a restricting phase & this is one of my biggest challenges. I do think I may need to start buying frozen dinners or something... not as a long-term solution, of course (and I share the financial/health/sodium/etc. concerns you have) but just to get me through the next month or two while I try to get myself eating normally again. Another thought is, if you have any close friends that you'd feel comfortable confiding it, ask them if they'd be willing to cook for you. I've had friends offer for me but I'm too... IDK, embarrassed & ashamed?? Don't want to inconvenience them? So I haven't taken them up on it but I wish I had. Maybe you could do a swap, they could cook extra food for your family & you could watch their kids or clean their house a bit or something. Then you wouldn't even need to explain the reason, just ask who's willing to swap with you.

My DH is only home for breakfast, so he's in charge of feeding himself & DS in the morning. Lunch for DS is usually snacky types of things, cut-up veggies & hummus, fruit, yogurt, cheese, crackers, nuts/seeds, olives, etc. He's OK with this & does eat a ton & balance himself out well but I would love to eventually work towards 'meals' for him (and he is gluten-free so it's not like I can just make him a sandwich or something). Dinner is our biggest struggle, and it's just me & DS so often it's more (different) snacky foods, or leftovers, or something I can make really simply & quickly like a scrambled egg. I had a breakdown yesterday just trying to make a salad so I'm just not in a position to do more than I am right now I guess. I have a couple of close friends who are aware of my issues and go the extra mile to make sure DS eats well when they are around (which is nearly every day) so he does get some home-cooked food from them at least. Obviously I am able to make sure he eats *enough* and lots of variety but I really want him to have nice meals. Since DH is not home for dinner it's a little different for us...

As far as grocery shopping, I have tried to go a little more often but smaller trips, which is less overwhelming for me. DS (age 3) is great about choosing healthy foods and is a big help in the grocery store. I really do hand over some of the control to my DS when we're shopping, which is weird I guess but works so far. We mostly go to Trader Joe's lately because the one near us is very small & therefore easier for me to handle. When I can't deal with grocery shopping at all, I send DH on the weekend. Technically he doesn't have time but he has to make the time because sometimes I just can't do it.

I know your DH is busy but is there anything he could do that would make things easier for you? Maybe he could cook up some meat on the weekends that you can add to meals throughout the week... or get up a few minutes early to chop veggies for dinner later that night... or use his lunch break to come up with the menu for the week so all you have to do is follow it? If there is any way he is able/willing to help, take advantage of it. You don't have to take on the responsibility (burden?) of feeding your family all by yourself.

Oh one last thought (I said I didn't have any ideas but I guess I just don't have ideas I'm able to follow myself lol!!) -- have you heard of once-a-month cooking? Google it if you haven't... you could take one weekend day a month and get a ton of your cooking done, then you won't need to deal with it so much on a daily basis.

[ceeveg]

Thank you so much, crunchy_mommy, for really good suggestions.  This weekend, we went to the grocery store, and I asked my husband if he could buy for himself.  He bought some things that he felt like he could quickly prepare (salads, sandwiches, etc.), and that takes a burden off of having to cook or prepare food every night.  I would love if I had friends who could prepare food for me.  I've looked into monthly meal preparation, and that is definitely something I would consider if I had more space.

I know what you mean about making sure that your son eats well.  My little one is almost four, and I worry so much about her picking up on things.  I've gone through periods of restricting and periods of eating compulsively, and I recall my own mother and the issues she had with food (what I now know as bulimia--when I came to my mom with my problems, she said that 'it's just something every girl goes through' and said that I didn't need help).  I want to get things under control before it impacts my daughter.  

From ages 19-21, I'd starved, purged and used laxatives to the point that I was below 100 pounds.  When I started dating my husband, I started steadily gaining.  We've had our share of problems (thank goodness for the book Toxic In-Laws and briefly being able to afford counseling), and I got up to 260.  I've been working my way back down, having health issues in the process (gallbladder out, a freak clot from the outpatient surgery, then high BP and reflux), but it's difficult to diet--I either want to restrict or eat compulsively, which is damaging as well.  

Sorry for the TMI!  It is so nice to be able to talk about it, even if it is via the internet, and I appreciate your recommendations and wisdom!