Horribly stressed out. Social services talked to my kids today.

[poetaftertruth]

Back story - I have had full custody of my kids (ages 9, 5) their entire lives because they're father has been homeless, in a transitional situation, and has always been addicted to opiates, nerve pills, etc.  For the first time in his life (age 35?) he's gotten on his feet for more than 6 months. He moved 2000 miles away to do so, so that he could be supported by family. Now, he wants to have my kids for the summer. I said no.

He has called social services on my mom and I. They talked to my kids at their school today. My daughter told them that I sometimes cover her mouth when she screams and that I yell a lot and son said that I sometimess grab his arm lightly. They also said plenty of good things about me. My daughter said I hug and kiss her a lot. 

I am so worried that that may be grounds for they to take my children away!! What would happen? Would they be shipped off to their father? I'm so fearful.

Does anyone have any information that might give me clarity?

Thank you. :(

[NewMom0208]

Hi mama,

I really doubt they could take the kids from you based just on that. They might talk to you and maybe even take some parental classes ( don't be offended)

But i am no family lawyer
I like this site to get legal advice, ensure the response you trust comes from a lawyer responding, the community responds :

Free advice.com, go to the community forums

I know you have your well based reservations about the father. Can you propose something different?

Are the kids in constant contact with him over the phone?
Is it possible to do video conference?

If you open to the possibility for the kids to have their dad in their life, you might be on a better position to influence how that goes and less likely for the father to get defensive again

If you open a little door, he won't need to break I

Hope that helps, breathe, pray, and stay strong

Hugs

[sprout 1]

For them to take your kids, there has to be real proof that you are physically abusive (the things you wrote do not constitute abuse as seen by the law) or severely neglectful- not providing food, shelter, or supervision.

The father will not be granted a long period of time with them with his history. I'm not exactly sure how the long distance thing goes, but while the court will not deny a parent's rights (without serious evidence of abuse or neglect) I know they do not just allow children to be taken by an absent parent when he/she decides to get involved again. There will be a chance for the two of you to work out a parenting time plan, and if that fails I suggest you get a lawyer if at all possible because you'll be headed to court.

This was a bad idea for the father to make baseless claims against you, it will not look good on him in court. Judges see through this crap and penalize parents who play games and put their children through this kind of thing.

Stay strong and let your kids know how much you love them. Try not to make them anxious about what they told social services or fear being "taken" etc. Don't get down on yourself either, nobody is perfect and you sound like a perfectly normal mother. I'm not sure about the moms on this forum but I've never met a mom who has never raised her voice at her kids, etc.

Know that this crap happens ALL the time, CPS sees it alllll the time. I really wish for the best for you and your kids... you will get through it eventually.

edit- meant to say you DO sound like a perfectly normal mother! oops!!

Edited by sprout 1 - 4/23/12 at 7:23pm

[sonshinegrace]

I'm sorry but I'd like to beat his ass for you. I had this happen this week for leaving my 9 and 7 year olds for literally 4 minutes to get ketchup a block away after explaining all safety rules, etc. It was determined unfounded but I have never felt such rage in my life. Mine just got remarried so wants to kick me out of the picture since he has someone new to be mommy. GRRRRR

[EarthRootsStarSoul]

Make sure you talk to social services yourself and tell them the whole story with your ex.  They deal with these situations all the time.  And document everything yourself.  Judges frown on this type of behavior -- it is harassment.  Collect all the evidence you have about his drug abuse - hospital stays, emails, criminal record, etc. 

[provocativa]

Yes.  Collect all evidence and documentation of his drug abuse and history.  Make a timeline if you can, so that if you needed to you could contact shelters or rehabs or whatever if you had to build a case against him in court.