Motomom's post about differences just brought up another point for me, that might be interesting for anyone facing The Talk to throw out there (sorry if this has already been brought up).. We tend to talk about difference in terms of circumcised vs uncircumcised, but really--there's a huge range of what penises and foreskin look like naturally, such that even between two uncircumcised brothers, you might have one who has the full-on turtleneck effect, and another with less extra skin, etc. You can Google this and pull up scales with pictures (if you're prepared to sift through the porn to get there, haha). Difference isn't something we have to create--nature takes care of that itself!
Boys. Circumcision. - Page 3
MissE - I may be an awful person not to take my husband's thoughts/feelings into consideration about things like this, but I just don't. There are only a few things I feel so strongly about that no matter what I will not be persuaded otherwise. This is one of them. There is just no way he would have a good enough reason because one doesn't exist. I feel it just comes down to petty reasons and that is incredibly selfish of dad in my opinion.
This is basically how I would feel as well. No way would I get my son circed, I don't care what DH says. He would be wrong. JMO, sorry for the people who are caught in the middle. :(
Right on, claireb and MamanFrancaise! It is not our decision. It is our child's body, not ours. Even if the father wants to circumcise, I really think that we have a duty to protect our babies. You wouldn't let anyone hurt your child, so why is circumcision any different? My husband initially tried to convince me that this was a guy thing, and since he is the dad, he should have more say. He wanted our son to "look" like him. I appeared to be open to this. Then we sat down and did some research. He came around instantly. Now, he wishes he had not been cut, and feels as strongly about it as I do. I am so proud of the way he talks to our son about his penis, it's awesome. We feel that being intact is a gift we have given him (it's so strange that choosing NOT to do something is a gift... but with circumcision today, I think it is.)
I wonder why circumcision is such a big deal in the US....? Here in the UK it is virtually unheard of. One would actually have to seek out a special practitioner willing to do such a thing, no one I know has ever had this done! Such differences in culture! So glad it was never even a consideration, how tricky and hard it must be to have to negotiate it all, and esp with one's dh......
That is an interesting question border stories! And another thing for me to bring up with my DH! Part of me wonders if I even NEED to bring it up. I am having a homebirth...so we won't be at a hospital where they could ask us about it. AND the medical practitioner (Nurse Practitioner) that we will be using for this baby is very alternative and I don't think they would bring it up either. They don't even do blood draws there. I know I should just get it all off my chest and talk to DH about it, but there is that non-confrontational side of me that thinks I could get away with avoiding it!
I am lucky that my DH is very research-based and pretty natural-minded. I remember discussing it with him when I was pregnant with DS1. I just said 'er, so one thing we probably should talk about is circumcision. You know, we're going through all this effort to have a natural homebirth, it seems kind of illogical to then go and take him to a hospital to get circumcised, you agree or do you feel differently about it?' At that point he was like, yeah, that would be kind of odd, I guess I know some guys that aren't, and DS just won't be.
I don't know if he went and did any further research, but knowing how much he supported and actually wanted for us to have a HB, he saw that it would be very unnatural to get him circ'ed. DH never brought it up during pregnancy and since then I think did some research to confirm we did the right thing, and has even passed it along to friends. Might be something to try if your DH is on board with the HB 100%...
Ava's Mama, I sort of approached it the same way. I didn't talk to DH about it at all until I'd already told the midwives (with him there, lol) that we wouldn't be circumcizing. As I said before, he was in full agreement so it wouldn't have been an issue anyways, but I put it in the same catagory as female circumcision, and I doubt any of us would think we need to convince our DHs that we want to leave our daughters intact. I figured, if he wanted to modify our child's body, than it was up to him to convince me, not the other way around.
Carson and Carlin - Those are both really helpful comments, thanks! DH is completely supportive of HB, natural childbirth, no interventions. We are on the same page with not vaccinating, cloth diapering, so I would like to think that he would easily be on the same page with regards to cirumcision. I honestly think that circumcision hasn't crossed his mind since we found out that the baby is a boy. Silly that I don't have a penis but I am thinking about it so much. But I also like Carlin's approach that if DH does think it is "necessary" it is his job to convince me why to do it, because I can not think of a single reason to do it! thanks ladies!
I still haven't had the guts to bring it up to DH! I am so annoyed with myself for being such a wimp about something I am adamantly against! I was thinking of accidentally leaving a blog post about it open on his computer or printing some information about it and leaving it out. I just feel so weird bringing it up out of the blue!
I finally brought it up today and I said "There is one thing that we really need to talk about since we are having a boy. What is your opninion on circumcision?" His response was "No, I don't think we should do it. There is not reason to, we just have to keep him clean and it doesn;t make sense to have a homebirth and then go to a hospital to have our baby cut". I think I just fell in love with my husband all over again!
Miss E I am so glad for you that it is not an urgent matter but I would suggest starting small right now so if you choose to have another child later and it is a boy you have laid some of the groundwork now.
I was one of those who refused to allow it and my husband though upset defered to my judgment and now 13 years later is very grateful for me holding my ground so I think starting on your husband now might help him change his mind at a gradual pace instead of the angry deffensive fights way.
For those of you having a hospital birth it is my understanding the father cannot give consent to circ without the mothers permission. I would check on that just to be certain though.