How do you handle birthday parties and the like?

[Rainey Daye]

So Bug has started being invited to birthday parties (with parents along so far). His little friend across the street just turned four and her mom and I are friends and she is aware of his allergy. She warned me ahead of time about the fact that they were going to have a candy bar where the kids could fill treat bags as well as have a piñata...so I fixed him up his own decorated treat bags ahead of time should they need to be pulled out. It was an afternoon party at 2pm, so we just fed him before we went so he wasn't too tempted to eat. There was a bit of panic when I realized that one of the dipping sauces she had for meatballs was a peanut based sauce, but DH and I ran interference and there really weren't a lot of people eating it. Bug was a bit overwhelmed at the crowd anyway, so he ended up hiding out in A's room playing with her toys half the time anyway!!

I knew M was serving the kids cupcakes instead of from the actual cake (which was small and served to the adults) and I knew the frosting for them was going to be green, so I made a batch of cupcakes and some cream cheese frosting that I colored green and then took one gorgeous frosted cupcake in a cupcake container over to the party with us. He never even noticed the difference!! At piñata time I just steered him to grab the little toys versus the candy and all went well.

Tomorrow though is gonna be a bit harder. They are going to serve lunch as the party is starting at 11:30am. How do I deal with his food without seeming rude. I obviously don't want to be rude, but I also don't want to risk my kiddo getting very sick. Though the little girl who is having the party has a little best friend down the street who is also peanut allergic, I do know that this family does eat peanuts and nuts in their house and even the family with the peanut allergic boy doesn't avoid tree nuts (which we still are)...so I don't know exactly how "safe" things will be...and the cake will most likely be store bought and decorated (the mom doesn't particularly strike me as the cake decorating kind). Obviously, most people don't quite get the whole avoiding things because of cross contamination if they have never lived with a severe anaphylactic allergy before.

I did just make up a batch of yummy but healthy muffins (vegan gingerbread with rice milk and ground flax seed) that Bug adores...so we are set with an alternate dessert once I figure out the frosting for it. But how to deal with the food situation is the big deal. What do ya'll do?

Also, how the heck do you make up just enough frosting for a cupcake or two? I still haven't figured that out!!

[CoBabyMaker]

I always just let the post parents know that my kids have allergies and I will bring food for them.  Sometimes people offer to try to make something but I just tell them it's better if I make it so we're careful and I don't want to make extra work for them.  It's an allergy, not a picky kid so there is no reason for them to be offended.  No one has ever seemed offended.  They kind of feel bad for the kids since they know they are "different" but that's just our life.
 

[scsigrl]

It isn't being rude protecting your childs life.  If the parent doesn't get it, that's is that parents issue.  I too always bring my kids food.  I try to match what they are serving so the kids are not singled out.

As for frosting one cupcake, I don't even measure when making frosting.  If I need a little I put a little safe butter (1 TBSP) and shortening  (1 TBSP) and whip it together.  Add my powdered sugar (about 2-4 TBSP), vanilla (pinch) and tiny amount of salt (pinch). Beat that and add a little safe milk to get the consistency I am looking for.If there is a little extra I save it for myself after the kids go to bed ;)  To make chocolate I add about 1-2 tsp. coco and usually have to up the milk a tad.

[crunchy_mommy]

It sounds like maybe you are over-thinking it a bit. DS has a much less severe allergy/intolerance and no one has ever blinked an eye at me bringing food for him. Plus, lots of toddler/preschool kids are just plain picky, so their parents bring food for them.

If you are able to, it's sometimes nice to bring a dish to share, that your child will also be able to eat, rather than a single serving just for your DS. Might help him feel less separate from things... and would be extra-polite toward the other guests who might be eyeing your awesome meal!

As far as cupcakes, we actually don't bother trying to replicate the birthday treat. We go to too many parties, I'd be constantly making cupcakes, and we really don't need lots of baked goods around! So we have a big back of single-serving packages of allergen-free cookies. We just grab a bag and go. DS is thrilled because it's a special treat to him, and it's simpler for me, and he's never felt left out... maybe at some point this will change (he's only 3) but right now it's working well. One thing I want him to learn anyway is that he doesn't need to be exactly like all the other kids so this is one gentle way I can begin to teach that lesson...

[scsigrl]

Originally Posted by crunchy_mommy 
As far as cupcakes, we actually don't bother trying to replicate the birthday treat. We go to too many parties, I'd be constantly making cupcakes, and we really don't need lots of baked goods around! 

I agree with this 100% so we freeze them.  I take them out the night before for school or the morning of for parties.  I rarely eat the kids bakery because it is so expensive (GF,DF,EF,SF and a few others) and I am not letting them eat 24 cupcakes between the two of them.

[SweetSilver]

Originally Posted by Rainey Daye 

Also, how the heck do you make up just enough frosting for a cupcake or two? I still haven't figured that out!!

We never have that trouble.  If I have too much my dh will eat it, no problem!

My daughter is so used to this whole party thing.  She even has treats she routinely gets and looks forward to them.  My friends are also used to our bringing food and I would have no trouble telling a less-well-known parent our situation.  It is not rude, and if the other mom takes it to be?  (Unlikely, thankfully.)  We are now getting to the age when she could go for a sleepover (theoretically) and the gym team will be having a sleepover this fall.  I can deal with a birthday party.