Ok this is going to be a long one i think....
So me and DH have been married for 7 months, but living together for about 3 years now. So all our kids have adjusted to all this and everything. I have DS 12, DD almost 10, and DD 7 1/2 , they spend 50/50 between me and their dad's house. Which is a little hectic since it follows ex dh's work schedule of everyother weekend 3 nights and then either mon/tues or wed/thurs rotation weeks... Confusing but again we have made it work. My DH's son lives about an hour and half away from us DSS is going to be 9 in July. He is only at our house every other weekend DH drives to his school and get his after work Friday evening and then DH meets his mom half way on sunday.
My kids have always been taught to do things for themselves as they have gotten older. Seems like simple stuff such as putting away clean clothes first day the return to my house (we have individual soft cubes at bottom of the stairs for each kido that anything of theirs goes in if i come across it while they are gone). They are responsible for bathing themselves, brushing their own teeth, and of course helping with weekly cleaning around the house. One of the other things i expect is them to get their own breakfast I have lots of simple choices they are able to make on their own, i make lunches and dinners for everyone and just don't do breakfast... so i have cold cereals, oatmeal, fruit, muffins, begals ect always on hand.
Well DSS I believe when he is at his moms she just follows him around and does everything for him, he's an only child. She and DH never were married or even lived together they were on again off again for about 2 years after DSS was born, DH was 19 when DSS was born. She sees her DS as flawless and will not hear any of me and DH worries, he just has no motivation to do for himself ever. He gives us a hard time over helping out around here, because he says my kids are here more and it's their mess, well they are only here for 4 days he isn't through the two weeks and those are school days so they don't get off the bus till 4 and are in bed by 8. DSS doesn't pick up after himself ever, his dirty clothes, dishes from the table, ect. He asks my kids to make his breakfast sometimes or just wont eat if he has to do it himself. He still wets the bed often, which i know some kids take longer my DD7 just stopped wearing pull ups to bed about 4 months ago. But he will often forget to put a pull up on and then is mad at us when we make him bring his sheets down to be washed. And if he does put the pull up on he will wait for use to remind him to take it off in the morning... I wish i could motivate him in some way to want to do more for himself but he just has no drive to do it. Me and DH are on the same page about the issues but getting his mom on board well honestly it will never happen.