Totally long thread about DH's reasons to not homeschool... - Page 2

[onlyzombiecat]

#1- If you sent your children to private school you would still pay taxes to support public schools. If you send your children to public school and you are unhappy with it you still pay taxes. You don't get the money back if you decide your kids aren't getting a good education. If you don't have children you still pay taxes to support the schools. That is just the way it is. Our tax money goes to support a lot of things that don't personally benefit our family at this time.

#2- Did you and your dh attend school or were you homeschooled? Dh and I were both ps educated and still never fit the mainstream mold. School did not make us happy little cogs. I prefer my dd to be who she is and be happy and confident about it rather than being fake or feeling bad that she did not fit in.

Dd has always been homeschooled and is not shunned by ps kids we know because she is homeschooled. She doesn't stick out that much. She isn't dressing like a pilgrim or sitting around reading dry textbooks while other kids are playing. She likes the same music, movies, animals, and video games just like many other kids.

#3-  You can get to know other homeschool families and join a support group. You can hire a babysitter for the kids or a caregiver for your dh  if you need a break. Look for ways you can line up some support now.

Things are different as your kids get older. They won't always need you to be on top of them or involved in their activities. They can learn to help around the house. They can spend time at a friend's house.

The amount of time and energy you spend actively homeschooling can vary depending on your choices. We are pretty relaxed homeschoolers. Dd is 12 and we maybe spend 2-3 hours per day on work. Dd does some work independently but most we do together.  The rest of the day is free time. She is really good at entertaining herself. We will be working on leaving her home alone sometimes now that she is 12 years old but dh and I can also  watch a movie together or just tell her we need time alone and she does her own thing for awhile.

Basically it sounds like none of this is about doing what is best for the kids or about how you feel or homeschooling in general.

Your dh doesn't want the kids around or to share you with them so much.

Maybe address those feelings instead of the reasons he gave.

Maybe ask him to give homeschooling a trial and agree to re-assess at the end of the year.

Maybe agree to K with the understanding that you will hs starting first grade.

[pigpokey]

Would it make sense for you guys to move to a very low cost of living area with low taxes?  Or to move to a place that has those home school charters where they give you a certain amount of money to pay for your curriculum and extracurriculars?  Or to move closer to family where one of the grandmas can take the kids a couple of mornings a week?

[tiqa]

Nah, we can't move.  We just moved here.  Like we literally got here like a month ago.  We thought long and hard about the taxes but this place is so perfect for us. It's right next to his hospital and it's a very peaceful area, the house is awesome and the COL is decent (minus the taxes).  We also took a few hits from actually moving in here.  We have absolutely zero plans of moving like ever again.

Besides.. neither DH's nor my mother can do the grandmother thing, really.  My mother has been promising since DS was born that she'd help, and then I take her up on the offer, and almost immediately she tells me it's too tiring for her or something.  And DH's mother has advanced MS, is in a wheelchair, etc.  She's supposed to be moving up here, actually, but we'll see if that happens.  I'm not going to hold my breath on that, but even if she does, she can't watch the kids.  And my mom, who may or may not have breast cancer, is always sick and can't take the stress of running around after them... So yeah.  No family support.

So apparently tonight DH's feelings were brought up a bit more.  He's upset that after I put the kids to bed after spending all day with them, that I go sit down and try to work on the computer.  Sometimes I just veg out, other times I do things like pay the bills and other things I can't do during the day, do our online grocery shopping, that sort of thing.  I used to be able to write my novels during this time (or study for class) but I haven't even had time for that in ages.  He was kind of passive aggressive about it and went to bed at like seven because he was "lonely".  I guess I need to spend more adult time with him.  Argh. 

I'm not really as stressed as all of you seem to get from the post, I mean, yes, it has been a stressful couple of years but this is actually low stress for us, unlike the times when DH is hospitalized etc.  Yes, I'm stretched a bit thin, but it's not like it's crisis mode.  Our home atmosphere is generally quite nice.  We spend a lot of time at home and in our neighborhood, but that's a good thing.  We have a homeschool room with lots of materials (rivals their preschool), they have their rooms, play time, we bake, do lots of reading, etc.  We don't get out to socialize a lot, and yes DH can have moods, and we drive him to a lot of doctor's appointments.  But sometimes I can drop them off at the Y (it's $15 for 3 hours to leave the building, free for two hours if you stay in the building) and generally we're just used to it.  Yes, DH might die, and yes, he's sick a lot, and in the hospital, and just generally that sucks.  But it was just as stressful as when he was on deployments and stuff.  And he's been sick for longer than the kids have been alive.  (Not this sick, but still.)  So this is sort of our norm.  Moving was stressful.  Since early 2010 we moved three times cross-country, one of the times we lived out of a hotel for a month while the houses got sorted.  That was stressful.  DH being hospitalized for about half of last year was stressful.  This is a walk in the park, comparitively...

Looking at it from this perspective, I think that the big thing is, what would I be doing all day long if the kids were in school?  I can't get a job, volunteer.  DH doesn't really leave the house.  I suppose it would bother him if I used that time for my writing.  I think the only way he'd be satisfied is if I just played video games with him all day.  But I don't even play video games... Hmm.  I don't know how much about this thread is about homeschooling anymore, tbh.

As for what's best for the kids... if I thought they needed a break from the house, I would be happy to do that.  But I don't think that's the case.  For one thing, I *was* that kid.  My home life sucked when I was a kid, and going to school made it worse, not better.  And when they were in preschool I was *always* having to pull them out for doctor's appointments or because DH couldn't be left alone for me to drive them, or whatever.  And they'd be really wound up when they went, and then they wouldn't get why they went some days and not other days, and they had to miss events because we had to pull them to go to doctor's appointments.  They still talk about some of that stuff.  Plus they got colds all the time.  Since they've been home (when we moved, I just didn't put them back in) they have more of a dependable schedule.  We take our books with us when we go to the doctor's appointments together, and read them in the car.  We don't have a morning rush.  Our days are more relaxed.  There is actually more routine and stability this way.  At least, that's how I see it...  I think it's better for them to be at home.  And I think that I'll just have to work harder to network with people who understand our situation and are still willing to be friends with us.  We're in an almost rural community so there's only so many people, but I'm sure eventually we will indeed meet people.  And they're still so young that I think we have some time.

[pigpokey]

Maybe just remind him, this too shall pass.  Mine are 7 and 8 and we live in a safe neighborhood, and my husband is frequently asking me "where are the kids?"  Somewhere out with the other kids, at friend X's house, at friend Y's house, at practice, etc.

[Katica]

Hmm. I really wonder if this whole issue isn`t about homeschooling or not. Sounds like your DH is lonely and needs companion. Does he have any friends? I know you`ve just moved there but does he have someone he talks to on the phone or through skype? His illness must be very isolating. Is he able to join some sort of club or group so he can have some social time with others? I`m guessing he wouldn`t be satisfied even with the kids out of the house. Sounds like he needs IRL friends.
 

[Cyllya]

Originally Posted by tiqa 

Hmm.  I don't know how much about this thread is about homeschooling anymore, tbh.

Yeah, even from the beginning of this topic I was thinking that he wasn't seriously objecting to homeschooling, he's just... waffling or whatever. Expressing anxiety about the choice. Something like that.

[MP McDonald]

I'm brand new to this site, but somehow I ended up on the Mothering mailing list and saw the homeschooling topic on an email. I popped over and just couldn't help replying here. (when I'm done, I'll go find the intro board and introduce myself--I promise!)

I homeschooled my two sons for middle school over ten years ago, so I know my experience isn't recent, but from reading about your husband, it doesn't seem like homeschooling is the real issue. You said he doesn't work, he sits in the basement playing WoW all day and is unpredictable when it comes to social interactions, so you limit those. He doesn't do anything with your kids, and expects you to wait on him for his meals? Am I missing something here? Even if he was working, he should be doing his fair share of the childcare/household duties, but if he's unemployed, then I don't understand why HE can't take the kids out of the house for an hour or so a day so you could have some time to write. What causes me the most pause is your hesitation to have other children over to play with yours. What are you going to do when your kids are a bit older and start asking for their friends to come over? Or their friends ask your kids if they can come over to play? Where we used to live, our house was so small, we really couldn't have friends of our older kids over to play. I hated that! We moved a couple of years ago and the house is so much bigger and now our daughter has friends over all the time. I love that her friends want to come over and rarely say no when she asks if they can. It's just such a nice part about childhood.

Speaking of writing, if you have a novel or two completed, polish those babies, get someone to beta read them. (the more the better--can find people on various writing sites), get a cover or, if you have any kind of photoshop skills, make your own, and get that baby up on Amazon. Right there, you can start making money and help with some of that stress. If you haven't completed them, do so! You are sitting on passive income once they are uploaded. (assuming they are good and not full of typos, etc) You could try for a traditional publisher, but the odds are bad, and frankly, you probably wouldn't make as much and you'd lose the rights to your novel for an indefinite period of time, but you never know, you could be one of the lucky few and end up with a bestseller. (you could also sell a ton of self-published books too, and keep more of the royalty)

[liberalmama]

In reading through the thread, there are a lot of issues going on here -- not just the homeschooling. I agree with the others who have said that it's important for all of you to get some relief and find a support system of one kind or another.  So you're a caregiver for your husband, 3 children AND you want to homeschool them? That's a LOT for one person. Your husband's perspective sounds very skewed but still, if you are staying with him, will it be a good environment in which to educate your children?

I'm a big believer in a strong public school system and supporting that through whatever way each family feels they can while meeting their own family's needs. Some will do better homeschooling, some not. I'd shy away from the advice that conveys kids in the public school system turning into corporate drones, or degrading people who work in civil service (honorable work) etc -- I'm concerned about all the testing and all the things that many homeschoolers point out too -- especially with the Michelle Rhee -like reformers gaining ground -- but the number one influence on a child's education is the home life and parents -- no matter if they go to an outside school or stay at home. Brilliant artists, innovators, activists come out of the public schools every day. It can be limiting, but it can also be what you make of it and how you supplement it.

I like the idea of seeing your solid public school system as an insurance policy -- I think that's wise if you are really set on homeschooling your kids. What I would ask myself is "How can I best meet my family's needs" -- please make sure you include YOUR needs in the equation. What do you want -- not only for your family, but for yourself? imagine what day-to-day life would be like. Is it what you think is best for all concerned, given the alternatives?  You and your husband should be equals in these decisions -- it's unfortunate his opinions may drive the boat. Another thought -- Would he be more likely to see your point of view if he also participated in their education -- as sort of a co-educator? Can you give each other relief and time to pursue some of your own interests? Not really sure the extent of his disability in that regard.  I wish you the best -- you sound like a great mom.

[danaan]

I think it's great that he can voice his concerns so clearly. They are pretty much what my dh argued, except that he did so in these offhanded questions under which I finally could see his concerns. Not the tax thing, but the time thing and the burn out thing. My dh is a great dad and a good man, but he has always been very independent and finds committing all his time and energy to our family to be very tiring and taxing. He feels all trapped. Many of our fights over the last however many years have been about this. I finally called him on it - homeschooling is my passion. The kids are my passion. You (he) don't share that with me but are more concerned about yourself, your poetry, and your job. He made a face and then agreed. So at least we were clear on the issues.

So my question for your dh is what scares you? Being alone? Being ignored? Losing you, his wife, caretaker, and friend? Does he fear losing his sense of self by being with the kids all the time? We are pretty unschooly, and we just hang out a lot. The past week and a half dh has been off work. He gets really snarky being around the family all the time. So rather than say - oh, send them to school, I make him see what he really needs (a nap, time alone, whatever) and take that instead of dumping it on us.

I think we homeschool moms of littles (mine are 2 and 6) do need time alone, but we don't need much. Find a homeschool support group. Work out swaps. Find enrichment programs (we go to one that is free b/c it's supported by public schools - it's one day a week). Can he watch the kids for an hour on the weekends?

If he cannot do even that little bit, then maybe school is the right thing for you until you get a support network. Seriously. Nothing is forever, set in stone. But it sounds like you aren't going to play warcraft with him all day, so you need to deal with that issue, too. You are not his puppet.

The mainstream thing is true. They do learn how to participate in institutions. He values this, you don't. So I would pick it apart.  What is he afraid of? Why? What doesn't work for you? How can you address those specific things? Enrichment programs? Faith community? Internships?

Best of luck to you!!

[Katie Gardner]

IMO, your first priority should be to find a community. You can't do everything all the time forever without friends to talk to, help you out, cry to, laugh with, and be there for you. i mean you probably could do it all, but your other relationships (husband, kids) will suffer. I would start with trying to find a homeschool co-op that you click with. Mine has done wonders for me and the kids: physically, mentally, emotionally, socially.

Then, after a while if you get burnt out, ok. Take a break. Send the kids to public school. But don't not do something like this solely because you're "afraid you might get burnt out." Maybe you will, maybe you won't. Don't base decisions on fear. I know from experience that doing that leads to regret.

Good luck to you.

[KellyandKatie]

I think you were onto something when you said you think there might be other issues underlying

I would not debate or quote articles or show stats or any of that. This is not a who is right or wrong, this is not who is reasonable and who is not reasonable.  This is your husband and you care about his feelings, not about being right. 

I am not saying cave and dont homeschool at all- I don't think it is about hs from what you are saying,   I am saying put focus on his feelings and maybe those insecurities about homeschooling will sort of melt away as other stuff gets worked out

and in the meantime, instead of telling him how you will handle burn out- get involved in those support groups now, and tell him all about your support that you are building around yourself and your family- don't tell him - show him

and maybe as far as the kids learning how to 'yes sir' up - sign them up for karate or something, somewhere where there is a formal teacher demanding formal behavior... would that be a compromise?   There is a time and place for everything.  We do not want our kids to be cracker box tin soldiers, but at the same time we do want them to know the time and a place to be formal ( can not think of a better word for it- but I think I know what you are saying)   so there are lots of things kids can learn that will demand that type of behavior-- Piano teachers do not abide by kids climbing the walls, Sunday school at a church maybe?  Cooking classes.... check out what is aviable locally- I betcha you can find a part time class that will give that- and maybe even be an additional break for you too

taxes- yeah- okay... well in our area- not your area, sorry- but over here there are programs where you can use your childs tax dollars some- call your local school district and check out if they have any ALP .   I am not saying it will work for what you are doing - but it might be worth looking into.  I do not like all the books and programs they provide with our school district, but it is worth it to get some of my supplies and some of my projects covered, so I just smile and nod for the rest.   Other than that, yeah, taxes do suck, sorry.  

again- dont debate or try to be right- this is your hubby, focus on his feelings first

if I was upset and my hubby just told me I was uneducated in the topic and being irrational, I would feel very hurt, I guess he would probably feel defensive first, then pissed and then would shut down if I did that to him

it is easy for me to say this from the other side of the screen though ((hugs))
 

[sandifromct]

Hmm.  Honestly, I see a lot of this the way your DH does (not all of it).  My son is so far too young for this to be an issue (he is 18 months old) but I would probably only homeschool him if the schools in the area were poor.  Otherwise, I would send him to a high quality school and supplement his education additionally at home as much as I felt was needed.  I absolutely see the value in attending public school at some point.  I was homeschooled for the beginning of my education and we sure learned a lot but yes, I did enter public school eventually WAY behind my peers socially and it was very very hard.  If given the choice, I would have had my parents choose public (or private) school with peers earlier.  The system of learning to work with large groups, according to rules you sometimes do or dont like, teachers you do or dont like, etc.  All of that is very valuable in my opinion.  It is a lot like working for bosses according to rules you do not set.  A child benefits by learning to thrive in this system.  I did end up eventually in public school (we lived in Northern VA, so they were VERY good public schools) and honestly, I think I turned out quite well and creative.  I went to an Ivy league university for both my undergrad and grad school (I'm not saying that to brag, only to say that you can do very well in public school, and well can mean all sorts of things, including starting your own business out of high school, etc.)  I am now a stay at home mom and creative writer, working on my novel.  I really needed all the socialization that public school offered me, not in terms of the "play with your friends" type, I had 3 siblings, so I was fine with that, but learning to work with teachers that sometimes I didnt like, learning to work according to a system I didnt always agree with, those were very very valuable, truly invaluable lessons.  Plus, it was fun.  And hey, I TOTALLY get your DH on wanting some chill time for yourself.  After I keep my son (and his future siblings) home for 5 years, you bet I will enjoy that lovely morning hours to curl up with a novel or work on my writing or watching movies together (my husband works from home).  I just dont see why it must be either or.  Can you tell us more what you are worried about re: public school?  (Not saying there arent reasons to be worried, I just think it might help you address this problem more fully).  I took art lessons, music lessons, writing lessons, everything in public school and it was an ENORMOUS outlet for my creativity, espeically at the point (around age 9) that I began to surpass my parents musically, creatively and artistically.  My dad taught me calculus long before I learned it in school, so I just dont think education at home stops when education at school begins.  They each bring something important.  If I were you, I would send them to a high quality school if one was available, with good teachers (oh that's another plus!  The teachers I encountered on the way were some of the most important people ever to come into my life.  I would not be the person I am today without them).  I guess I feel like, the more exposure to more environments, people, different languages, cultures, etc the better.  which is why I studied abroad every chance I got, learned 4 languages, met my husband overseas . . . I just feel like, I am sure you will do an absolutely AMAZING job educating your children at home, but what they will lose from that will be all those different people they would have met along the way.  The different cultures, teachers, mentors, challenges, etc.  I would really want my kids to have that.  IF (and only if) the schools were very good.  As I said, I really feel like you can continue to teach that am home too.  It is always very important for parents to supplement their children's learning.  And, if for any reason, they werent doing well at school (this happened to my learning disabled cousin) by all means pull them out and homeschool them!  It did wonders for my cousin and 5 years later, she was able to rejoin school and really succeed, when at first she was just floundering and suffering.  So attend all the schools, find a teacher you feel will enlighten your child's mind and spirirt, can offer them a different point of view than yours (which in my opinion is always valuable) and continue lessons at home and get some well deserved time off.  Just my two cents :)

[sandifromct]

Not to degrade you, you sound ABSOLUTELY amazing, but I would not compare a room with awesome supplies (no matter how awesome) to the same sort of environment as meeting other children from other ways of life, going on field trips together, really getting out there.  What I think is the education is the INTERACTION.  The world is a beautiful, awesome book.  If you stay in one environment, with your family most of the time, I feel that you read a page.  Get out there!  Read page after page, meet person after person.  And I say that, and at the same time, I am with my little one right now 24-7 and it will be SO SO hard for me to send him to school at five.  We may start half-day.  I may spend most of the time in his classroom too and be class mom!  Whatever I need to do to fel comfortable.  But I feel it is so enriching, to meet so many different people, to really push myself and my children in different, sometimes uncomfortable environments. That is education.  And its wonderful!  I say become class mom and make it work for you and for your DH ANd the kids!  good luck dear*

[sandifromct]

ahh, one last thing, I went to public school and I feel I am a very creative person.  It was difficult sometimes (say, if I didnt have a very open-minded teacher) but the other teachers I had who were more open-minded and creative than anyone I could have ever dreamed (including my parents) and the many amazing interesting children of all nationalities I met did more to help me become creative than anything I could have imagined.  School can be all sorts of things.  I went to public school but my (lucky) little sister went to an amazing school with only 12 other girls, where they all sat around and talked about philosophy and read Plato and Aristotles and here education was truly amazing!!  There is some really great stuff out there.  And I think if we're honest, some of it may be better and more enriching than what we could offer in our house. 

[sewchris2642]

Lets see,  your dh is disabled, you just moved (an unplanned move at that) to be near his hospital, neither one of you have an extended support system in place yet (no close family or friends, etc.), and, now, you're contemplating home schooling.  That's a lot of changes all at once.  I can't remember--your oldest would be Kindergarten age in the fall?  New York' compulsory school attendance doesn't start until age 6 (usually 1st grade).  You can always put your lo in Kindergarten and start home schooling for 1st grade.  That gives all of you over a year to put down roots and recover from all the changes if your family needs more time.

Have you talked to your dh's drs about all these changes and what they might be doing to your dh's emotional stability?  What do they say about the amount of care giving he needs right now and in the future?.  Are there support groups through the hospital that your dh can go to to relieve his loneliness?  Is there a support group for you as his spouse/care giver?  You are at risk not just from potential burn out due to home schooling but burn out from care giving.
 

[moominmamma]

Originally Posted by sewchris2642 

That's a lot of changes all at once.  ....  You can always put your lo in Kindergarten and start home schooling for 1st grade.  

Wouldn't that just be adding another huge change (child starting school) to all the others? 

Miranda

[Mrsbaran]

I am going to try to tackle some good responses to DH for you.

Let me first tell you that I have 2 children: girl 19, graduated public schools and boy age 3 1/2 home schooled. I have a husband who also is skeptical about homeschooling.

First of all regarding the tax thing:  We all pay public school taxes and I understand that yours are extremely high.  I live in AZ.  I think this state is pretty home school friendly.  We have options for "school" for home schooled children.  First of all, because we pay taxes, we have the ability to send our kids to a public school for just one or two subjects.  This would pertain more to grades 6 and up where the kids are in different classes for each subject.  But we also have special public schools designed for home schooled children where the kids go to school 1 or 2 days a week with ONLY other home schooled children.  The education is different than a mainstream school.  But because they are publicly funded, they still have to meet testing standards in math and reading, and that is fine with me.  Perhaps there are schools like these in your area?  Also, my friend kids go to a private school 3 days a week and are home schooled 2 days a week.  There is tuition, but I believe there is a tax credit for parents who send their kids to private school. I am not sure how your state is, but I would look into these options.

I will be sending my 3 yr old to the once a week public school option when he gets to kindergarten. 

If you discover any of these options in your area, then the rest of DH's objections will be resolved because you and he will get some personal time and also they will learn what "mainstream" life is...whatever that means.  I mean who defines "normal"?  And you can still home school. 

I would say that joining a home school group that fits you and your kids' personalities will do just as good to teach your children what life expects from them as will 5 day a week public school.  Have you looked into that yet?  Home school groups organize weekly activities for the kids as a group.  Like park day and field trips, etc.  Then they will make friends with other home schoolers, so they won't feel like they don't fit in.

And lastly, the time and stress issue.  Having had one child in public school for her entire school years...I would have to say you are right about it being more stressful.  You constantly have to be on the school's schedule. It's very stressful to deal with early wake ups, mean teachers (not that they all are), bullying classmates, homework papers, your kids crying that they don't want to go, and the list goes on and on.  Additionally, your children get lost in the shuffle.  They will not get the individual attention they need.  too many kids in the classroom.  I absolutely hated having my daughter in reg public schools.  I have been teaching my son to read since he was 6 months old.  He started reading at 10 months and he reads better than my friend's child who is in 2nd grade.  The education and experiences you give your children at home FAR exceed what can be given to them at reg public schools.  You can structure your days just like school with start and end times and checklists, so they will learn to be on schedule and complete tasks.  That is pretty mainstream.  Most of my friends home school their children.  One thing we agree on is we don't want our children being taught bad behaviors from other children whose parents don't care as much...like swear words, bullying, kids who might introduce cigarettes, drugs, porn, etc to our children...you can keep better tabs on them when they are home schooled, and better protect them from a lot of negative influences.  When they get older, they will learn about bad things naturally and you will tell them and warn them.  When they are small and sweet, keep them that way as long as you can.  Home schooling will help with that. 

I really hope this has helped you some. I also hope you can find a school like we have here in AZ...the one or two day a week thing.  I just can't imagine that there wouldn't be something in NY like that. 

Good luck and stick to your guns.  Remember, you aren't married to any decision.  You could possibly come to a compromise where you can try home schooling for a year and see how you and DH feel after that. 

Blessing to you!

[tiqa]

Wow, I wasn't expecting to find this thread on the front page, lol.

Anyway, I read through the replies and while I don't have time to respond to them individually right this second, I do appreciate the replies. :)

That said, I think a couple of them were against homeschooling in general.  I'm not really here to argue whether public schooling is superior to homeschooling or vice versa.  I think there are benefits to both.  There is one post saying that a room full of supplies isn't going to equal the opportunity to get out and interact with people, take field trips, etc.  That seems to be just plain arguing for public schooling vs homeschooling in ANY situation...

I feel in the past year we've taken an extended full-country field trip from coast to coast, learning about things around the way.  We've gone to farms and field days and flower festivals and went hiking and at the age of four and five (and even younger, last summer) they could point out about half the states on the U.S. map and tell me their names and what went on in them, because they've seen them.  We intend to keep traveling.  We also do get out a lot and went to maple syruping and historical villages and take virtual field trips, etc.  We went to Disney a million times when we had season passes there, to people watch and learn all the stuff there (they have lots of science things and the world showcase and fire safety stuff and botanical areas and all SORTS of things there) It's not predictable because it's based around when my husband is having better stretches, and often it's just me taking them, but we have a million things that we do.  And just because *right now* they're not really involved in meeting lots of people, they do interact with teachers and kids at the Y and they will eventually take formal classes as well, extracurriculars, etc.  I don't particularly remember a whole lot of "rich interaction" from my years at public school.  I remember a few projects and field trips and that was basically it...  Lots of worksheets and tests, more like it.

The other post was the following:

"Lets see, your dh is disabled, you just moved (an unplanned move at that) to be near his hospital, neither one of you have an extended support system in place yet (no close family or friends, etc.), and, now, you're contemplating home schooling. That's a lot of changes all at once. "

I'm not sure what changes you're referring to.  Moving?  It wasn't an unplanned move, it was just a bit hectic the way things happened.  We're used to moving. I've moved maybe twenty-five times in my life, if not more. We plan on staying here for good, but it's not something out of the ordinary, really.  We've never had a support system in place.  My only family is in Europe, I haven't had a group of friends since college.  That's not GOOD but it's not new.  It's not like I just lost everyone all at once.    We're not newly contemplating homeschooling.  We're somewhat newly contemplating NOT homeschooling.  I've been firm about my commitment to homeschooling since before the children were conceived.  I've been collecting resources, researching it, gathering supplies etc for years.  DH's sudden cold feet about it is what is new.  And my DH has been disabled, again, for longer than our children have been alive.  (Not to the extent he is now, but hopefully this too shall pass.)  So, er, what are the changes, exactly, that you're referring to?  I'm kinda confused. :)

[tiqa]

As for why I want to homeschool vs public school, my opinion can be summed up in a very short little anecdote.

When we were in FL my kids learned how to swim really well.  Like, they spent hours in the pool every day and can do flips in it and can swim across the pool a bunch of times and they're totally dependable.  They can dive in and retrieve things from the bottom, all that.

When I signed them up for swim lessons at the Y we were totally disappointed.  The teacher made them feel bad because they weren't doing the strokes properly and she "didn't trust" that they could swim without flotation devices (when I had seen them swim much greater distances with no problem) and they had to do everything one at a time and most of the 30 minute lesson was spent at the side of the pool or them being told they were "doing it wrong".  And we had to deal with getting there on time, rushing to change at the locker room, etc.  It was just not the same experience at all.  I understand there are benefits to swim lessons too, but it was just a very different experience.  They had much more fun and learned a lot more without formal lessons.  The teacher wasn't the problem, she was nice and obviously had a lot of experience and the kids liked her well enough.  But she had to prevent six preschoolers from drowning, AND keep the parents and her bosses happy, so there were just logistics that she had to deal with.  I view that as similar across the board, whether it's just a swimming lesson or a whole day's worth of education.

[sewchris2642]

Originally Posted by tiqa 

Wow, I wasn't expecting to find this thread on the front page, lol.

Anyway, I read through the replies and while I don't have time to respond to them individually right this second, I do appreciate the replies. :)

That said, I think a couple of them were against homeschooling in general.  I'm not really here to argue whether public schooling is superior to homeschooling or vice versa.  I think there are benefits to both.  There is one post saying that a room full of supplies isn't going to equal the opportunity to get out and interact with people, take field trips, etc.  That seems to be just plain arguing for public schooling vs homeschooling in ANY situation...

I feel in the past year we've taken an extended full-country field trip from coast to coast, learning about things around the way.  We've gone to farms and field days and flower festivals and went hiking and at the age of four and five (and even younger, last summer) they could point out about half the states on the U.S. map and tell me their names and what went on in them, because they've seen them.  We intend to keep traveling.  We also do get out a lot and went to maple syruping and historical villages and take virtual field trips, etc.  We went to Disney a million times when we had season passes there, to people watch and learn all the stuff there (they have lots of science things and the world showcase and fire safety stuff and botanical areas and all SORTS of things there) It's not predictable because it's based around when my husband is having better stretches, and often it's just me taking them, but we have a million things that we do.  And just because *right now* they're not really involved in meeting lots of people, they do interact with teachers and kids at the Y and they will eventually take formal classes as well, extracurriculars, etc.  I don't particularly remember a whole lot of "rich interaction" from my years at public school.  I remember a few projects and field trips and that was basically it...  Lots of worksheets and tests, more like it.

The other post was the following:

"Lets see, your dh is disabled, you just moved (an unplanned move at that) to be near his hospital, neither one of you have an extended support system in place yet (no close family or friends, etc.), and, now, you're contemplating home schooling. That's a lot of changes all at once. "

I'm not sure what changes you're referring to.  Moving?  It wasn't an unplanned move, it was just a bit hectic the way things happened.  We're used to moving. I've moved maybe twenty-five times in my life, if not more. We plan on staying here for good, but it's not something out of the ordinary, really.  We've never had a support system in place.  My only family is in Europe, I haven't had a group of friends since college.  That's not GOOD but it's not new.  It's not like I just lost everyone all at once.    We're not newly contemplating homeschooling.  We're somewhat newly contemplating NOT homeschooling.  I've been firm about my commitment to homeschooling since before the children were conceived.  I've been collecting resources, researching it, gathering supplies etc for years.  DH's sudden cold feet about it is what is new.  And my DH has been disabled, again, for longer than our children have been alive.  (Not to the extent he is now, but hopefully this too shall pass.)  So, er, what are the changes, exactly, that you're referring to?  I'm kinda confused. :)

I'm the one who said that your family has had a lot of changes.  Planned or not, they are changes.  To take my family as an example.  Within the last 3 years, we became primary care giver to my mil, our oldest child and her family moved in with us and had their 3rd child while living with us.  Our son went from public elementary school to charter school where he was in a class room 2 days a week and home schooled the other 3 and is in another charter school where he is home schooled full time with only Spanish as class at the school.  My dh had either a heart attack (or a near heart attack depending on the dr) and I was making the rounds between the hospital visiting him, going to mil's house to take care of her, and helping Joy with her  newborn and working 2 jobs.  Mil died, Joy and family moved into her home, and Dylan changed schools again and is now a full time home schooler.  I quit one job and now work at home. Dh still is working way more hours that he should but we need the money.  All of these changes (well, not the heart attach and certainly not everything happening at once) were discussed and planned in advanced.  They still resulted in stress for everyone and adjustments in relationships.  And I have a great support system in having family, church, and friends in place for years.  It still results in stress and a period of adjustment for everyone.

I'm sorry I misread your posts about your dh.  I was under the impression that his disability was fairly recent, certainly post children and long after the decision to home school. 

And for the poster who said that having one child in public school is also stressful.  You're right.  But it also could be a compromise with the op's dh while they continued on working on how the home schooling would work out.