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Mothering › Groups › December 2012 Due Date Club › Discussions › Those waiting- when will you tell?

Those waiting- when will you tell?

post #1 of 21
Thread Starter 
Hi mummas,

I know we have a similar thread on here already but just wanted to see what other "waiters" are doing.
I am 5 weeks with first bub and want to wait to tell everyone til 12 weeks. The only people who know are DH and my two best friends.
We are waiting to tell friend s and even family til 12 weeks. (although if this bloating/bump keeps growing and the nausea stays it will be very hard)

When you waiting til? How are you hiding it? Who are you hiding it from? Why?

smile.gif
post #2 of 21

I am waiting until it feels right. With DD I planned to wait until 12 weeks/after we heard a heart beat, but ended up starting to tell around 6 weeks. I've told a few people we are close to, and probably will start telling a few more, but I don't know when we will "announce" the pregnancy. When we do tell I don't want to give them a due date, but instead will say around christmas, or the end of december. I was so bummed last time when my due date got close and everyone was hounding me and asking if I was sick of being pregnant yet. I loved being pregnant and feel like all the comments ruined the end of my pregnancy....

post #3 of 21

I like mothership's idea of just saying baby's due around Christmas. Then, people don't get all anxious for you. You will be anxious enough.

 

I went to a friend's party today, and almost told a few friends, but didn't. Every time I went to say something, someone else would enter the conversation and it just never felt right. The only people who know are my husband, my mom (whom is really like my best friend) and my dad (because she won't be able to keep a secret this huge from him).

 

My theory on telling vs. not telling is this. Tell whomever and whenever it is in your heart to tell, and if you don't think you could ever "untell" this person, then wait to tell them until later. Having gone through a pregnancy loss before, I really found it helpful to have certain people support us with what we were going through (can't imagine if my close friends hadn't have known), but at the same time EVERYONE knew I was pregnant with that baby and it was a little hard to tell all those people about the loss. Unless you have a job that would be jepordized by telling, there are only personal reasons not to tell. Maybe you and your partner want to keep it a secret just for the two of you, or maybe you just want to wait until the first ultrasound, etc. It's completely up to you. I always wind up telling people when I don't really expect to do it. It just kind of happens, because it feels "right".
 

post #4 of 21

I have told a few people, and dh has too. I told close friends, and my sisters. I have not told my mother, as I haven't spoken to her in a year, and don't plan to. DH will not be telling his dad and step-mom, but he has told his mama. I would really like to announce as late as possible, so I don't have to deal with my mother, but I'll probably do it around 20 weeks. I have been giving "sometime around Solstice" as my due date. 

post #5 of 21
Thread Starter 

Since writing this DH and I have decided to tell his mum... She is such a great support that we want her "in on it" with us no matter what.

The rest of my family and friends are going to be told around 12 or 13 weeks...

It just feels so lonely sometimes! I want to get to the shouting and excitement already lol

post #6 of 21

we are planning on not telling for a while... maybe 12 weeks or so.. we havent told my parents, because I know they will think we are nuts or part rabbit... we have a 7 month old.... and two other daughters... I have told my hubs of course and one dear friend... other then that we are zippin it. I think since this will be our fourth it makes it touchy, like people are gonna think we are nuts or dont know how to not have kids...
 

post #7 of 21

 

Quote:
Originally Posted by mamatwo8 View Post

I think since this will be our fourth it makes it touchy, like people are gonna think we are nuts or dont know how to not have kids...
 

 

UGH, DH got some of those snickers the last time (that was our fourth).  I'm hoping by now those who snicker will have given up making comments!  

 

I probably will tell my mom sooner rather than later, however the inlaws can wait.  I think last time we were due just a little bit earlier in December and I think we held out until August.  Actually the kids told them first LOL.  I had told DH to tell them but he never got around to it...

 

I think I might tell a few closer friends, but it is still so early!  

post #8 of 21

I just went FB public. winky.gif

 

Actually I changed my FB profile picture about a week and a half ago to a pregnant woman with a cute little quote. It took until today for anyone to catch on and then EVERYONE caught on! Fun, fun!

lol.gif

 

This is #4 for us too so I got a lot of responses like "Wow!!". I can't blame them, that was pretty much my response when I found out too!

post #9 of 21
I have told my kids, 3 close friends, and my inlaws. We had wanted to wait to tell the inlaws because they were more broken up about our loss in October than even we were (MIL especially is super sensitive, poor thing), but they are coming out here to help with our move and we wanted them to stay for 3 weeks and thought that telling them would convince them to extend the trip, but they are such homebodies that it didn't work! Oh, well. I don't really know why I haven't told my dad and stepmom, they will be happy and they were good support last time. My mom is what I call a misery junkie, and seemed to "enjoy" the whole thing too much... she is not a bad person, she is actually very nice but that part of her personality really rubs me the wrong way and I just don't want to have to deal with that again.

Alas, I am starting to really look pregnant so I don't think hiding it is going to be an option much longer. I am going to try to hold off until we hear a heartbeat, I'm having an intake appt on Friday and hopefully the actual exam will be next week, then we will tell people.

I am also expecting a lot of snickers since this is our 4th, but most people knew we were planning on having another so it shouldn't be too bad.
post #10 of 21
Thread Starter 

I think it is so silly that people are making remarks at just four children!

I WANT four children! I think that sounds like a beautiful big family!

post #11 of 21

I fully expect the snickers and snide comments too.  This is our 4th...in 4.5 years! lol  The youngest 2 are 16 months apart and this one will be 20 molnths after my daughter.  Can't say I b;ame people for being shocked!  I'm not waiting for a specific time really...we're telling people as we see them!  I'll do a FB announcement  after we've told all our family.  <IL is coming down at the end of the month so probably sometime after that!

post #12 of 21

I will probably have to tell my IL sooner than later because I usually get sick at 7 weeks, and like really pukey. Like another poster I am not on speaking terms with my parents and so they will not know until it somehow reaches them through the grapevine. I am hoping to not tell my work until 3 or 4 months depending on how soon my belly comes out. This is my third and I think you are suppose to start showing earlier with each pregnancy.

post #13 of 21

We've been trying for over a year and a half, so the day after we found out I told a few of my close friends, who have been there throughout our journey. They're the ones I would look to for support if anything happens, so I'm glad they know.

 

My grandma was visiting this past weekend (she lives ten hours away and I only see her about once a year), so I went ahead and told her. We would like to tell my parents on Mother's Day (I'll be just shy of 8 weeks), which will be fun! DH's family all lives near us, and they are super bad at keeping secrets, so we'll probably just tell them a week before we "go public", which will be right before my brother's wedding (at 11 weeks and a few days). I'm a little nervous about telling everyone before my 12th week, but I feel like I can't go back home and to my brother's wedding without sharing it with everyone and seeing them in person. Plus, I have a feeling I might start showing around then (but who knows). 

post #14 of 21

I will tell my children and family after May 8th appt to confirm the pregnancy, assuming that goes well. I'll only be about 7 weeks then, but we are going to be traveling to see my husband's family then. My IL's are both now living in a nursing facility... over Christmas/New Years my father-in-law had a stroke and my mother-in-law was diagnosed with Stage 4 lymphoma. So they went from being independent folks in their mid-60s to living in a nursing home (both have been hospitalized for a while too.) I really both want to tell them in person AND wait until we are confident that things are going well, given all that they've been through. Though my FIL has short-term memory issues (as in might have to put him on Alzheimer meds) so it will be interesting to see if he can remember I'm even pregnant, over time!

 

I sort of dread telling my dad. It's tricky b/c we rent a house he owns and are trying to figure out how to afford to buy it from him. I'm sure his first thought is how this will affect our finances. (One easy way we could afford it: he could give us a better deal... *sigh*) Anyway, my SIL is pregnant too and I'm sort of wondering if he's going to be less than thrilled about my pregnancy, thinking about how it will affect him, and going from 3 grandkids to 5 grandkids within a 3 month period!

post #15 of 21

 

Not telling the families until Mother's Day, which puts me at about 11 weeks. My first appt is tomorrow,  but my sister's engagement party is this weekend and I don't want to steal her time in the sun. 

 

Quote:
Originally Posted by mamatwo8 View Post

we are planning on not telling for a while... maybe 12 weeks or so.. we havent told my parents, because I know they will think we are nuts or part rabbit... we have a 7 month old.... and two other daughters... I have told my hubs of course and one dear friend... other then that we are zippin it. I think since this will be our fourth it makes it touchy, like people are gonna think we are nuts or dont know how to not have kids...
 

 

I'm one of four, and I had a great experience growing up. It must've been a little crazy for my parents, but the four of us are still very close. They got comments all the time too. People were baffled that 1) they intentionally had "so many" and 2) that we were all from the same parents (instead of a blended family). People are morons. 

 

 

post #16 of 21

I did tell my graduate class as I was barfing and peeing every half hour on training

....it was kind of obvious I wasn't hung over. oops.


Edited by Shiloh - 7/3/12 at 6:20pm
post #17 of 21

Hi,

 

Just joined!  I am 8 weeks and we've told our families and very close friends.  It's our first, and besides being really excited, we'd like that support system in place if something happens...

 

We're both teachers (in the same school) and we are going to wait until the end of school to tell students and colleagues. I'll be past the 1st trimester and hopefully we can minimize the awkward visualization that will happen with high school students...lol!

post #18 of 21

So far I've just told friends that were supportive of my last pregnancy experience, which resulted in a miscarriage. My husband was with me when I found out. And we already told our daughter (4 years old) because we didn't really want her to find out from anyone other than us (like at an appointment or something). I suspect we'll probably call my mother-in-law and tell her when the time feels right, she will be very excited and was very supportive after the miscarriage.

Unfortunately, most of my side of the family had unsupportive comments after hearing that I miscarried (if they bothered to respond at all) - and I'm not very close with most of them - so I'm not sure when we'll share the news with them.

post #19 of 21

So far, we've only told a few close friends and my sister.  Everyone else, we are waiting until after the nuchal fold screening at around 12 weeks.  We've had a couple of miscarriages so we like to wait until we are really sure.  I told my mother right away my first two pregnancies (losses) and it was really painful for her so we wait. :)  I can't wait to tell my kids that they are going to have a little brother or sister!

post #20 of 21

I have told DH, our kids (8, 6, & 2), and four friends, some of whom I was seeing in person for the last time since we were moving.  We decided to wait to tell family because our lives are in so much turmoil that we'd like things to have a chance to settle down a little.  DH is commuting to another city every week right now and I just think I'll feel better if I have his on-site support before we tell my mom (who is generally supportive but just too solicitous and says inappropriate things) or dad (who thinks no one should have more than 2 kids - despite the fact that having had 3 with my mom and adopting 2 with his current wife, he's had 5).  He should be with us full time by the end of June at the latest (although I hope it's sooner).  I'll probably tell my work around that time, too, because they go on a summer recess and it would be polite of me to let them know that in the fall I'll be coming back with a big belly!

 

I think our reasons for waiting are good, but I'm not liking it.  I hate having to pretend I feel fine with everyone but DH and the kids.  I don't feel fine, I feel horrendous.  But I don't throw up a lot, so it's not obvious enough to 'out' me.

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