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Mothering › Groups › December 2012 Due Date Club › Discussions › Anyone else afraid of miscarriage

Anyone else afraid of miscarriage

post #1 of 20
Thread Starter 

Hi Mummas

 

Let me just cover my bases first of all and say that  I do not mean to offend anyone at all with this post. I am just looking for some comfort and reassurance from other Mummas seeing as no one IRL knows we are expecting yet.

 

I am really afraid I am going to miscarry. This is my first pregnancy/bub. Before joining MDC I had no idea how common losses were. None of my friends (that i know of anyway) have suffered any losses at all.

 

I am trying to do everything "right", and I am aware that sometimes no matter what is done things can just happen. It just seems to be the way unfortunately.

 

I don't even think I am looking for advice, because as far as Im aware there can be no advice other than look after yourself (and again I am aware that even when you are looking after yourself these things may still happen. This is not meant to be offensive or suggest that those who have suffered losses do not take care of themselves.)

 

Is anyone else feeling like this? How do you deal with feeling like this?

post #2 of 20

I think that is a very normal fear....especially with a first pregnancy.

One thing you should find comfort in though...your nausea and vomiting! I just saw you post on the other thread. The fact that you are so ill at 5 weeks is a very good sign of a strong pregnancy!

 

I had shared with my midwife that I was a little nervous about not having an early u/s to see the heartbeat. She assured me that the fact that I felt so terrible was a very good sign that indeed everything was going smoothly! 

 

I know there is always the chance but I feel reassured by my many pregnancy symptoms.

 

Hang in there!

post #3 of 20

It's normal. And the worry doesn't ever stop - it just moves onto different things throughout your child's life. 

 

I'm more afraid now than I was with my DD, and that's because I've had several friends suffer losses in the past year and a half. It's heartbreakingly common. 

 

But. When I was pg with my DD, a wise MDC mama told me something that stuck with me: Tomorrow is never promised. You are healthy and pregnant right now. Your baby is with you now. Take care of yourself, try to enjoy it, and try to be grateful for what you have now. Hang in there mama - chances are it'll be ok. hug2.gif

post #4 of 20

 

Quote:
Originally Posted by travelmumma View Post

 

Is anyone else feeling like this? How do you deal with feeling like this?

 

I'm worrying about it more than usual because I'm now 37!  Take it one day at a time and make it through the first trimester, or once you hear the heartbeat itself your risk drops dramatically!

 

Here's another link on some statistics...the farther along you are the lower the risk.  http://www.amazingpregnancy.com/pregnancy-articles/337.html  I think the 75% they talk about in the beginning is whether or not the fertilized egg even implants/develops at all!  But, the farther along you go the lower the odds are!  

 

I'm more worried about it now than in the past, because I am older.  This baby was a surprise accident, after thinking I would likely never have any more.  So, it really feels like such a blessing and gift in the midst of everything I have going on in my life.  So I really want it to stick (have had four successful pregnancies in the past).

post #5 of 20
Thread Starter 

oh Mummas thank you so much!

I really am acting like such a first timer here, which i didn't think i would do! I am fairly up to date with facts etc but i suppose with the added fun of hormones and here I am ripping my hair out lol!!

Phatchristy thank you so much for that link!!!! As i read it I literally felt my tummy muscles relax.. didn't even know i was holding them!!

 

So very glad I posted this thread!!!! Any other mummas out there feel free to share your worries too :) I feel so much better

 

post #6 of 20

I had a very early loss in November, so this is the first time the baby really stuck, and I am just a ball of worry. First I was worried I'd miscarry early, and now that I've seen heartbeats, I worry that one or both of them will stop growing, or that something will come up on one of the tests. I also worry about getting to 36 weeks.

 

I like to think I'm a logical person, and I know the statistics weigh overwhelmingly toward a positive outcome, but the logical part of my brain just seems to shut off when it comes to babies and planes!

 

I try not to let it consume me, and just take one day at a time, but it's all so new and it can be so, so overwhelming. I'm taking deep breaths, staring at those statistics daily, and I'm so glad to have this group to talk to.

post #7 of 20

Thanks for posting, travelmumma! I am right there with you, switching between joy/excitement to worry. I'm trying to let go, but it is definitely scary, especially if you have friends in RL who it has happened to. But with both of them, while it was hard, they went on to have multiple healthy pregnancies (and babies). 

 

I think the wisdom that theDivineMrsM shared is great! Enjoy today, enjoy being pregnant, and enjoy the good parts of the stage you're in (we may not be able to feel the baby move or have much of a bump, but at least we can still paint our toenails and sleep (somewhat) comfortably!

post #8 of 20

 

Quote:
Originally Posted by kaleiskind View Post

I like to think I'm a logical person, and I know the statistics weigh overwhelmingly toward a positive outcome, but the logical part of my brain just seems to shut off when it comes to babies and planes!

 

I try not to let it consume me, and just take one day at a time, but it's all so new and it can be so, so overwhelming. I'm taking deep breaths, staring at those statistics daily, and I'm so glad to have this group to talk to.

 

I'm really talking a lot to you all because so far the only family/friends who know are DH.  I'm not sure even how I'm going to tell them!  LOL

 

I think what you said, no matter if the odds are with us for a good outcome our brains still play the games.  I know already I'm being affected by the hormones.  I have all the crampiness, sharp twinges, weird uterine sensations....that PLUS I can't seem to watch any slightly emotional show on TV without crying.  I sat down to eat something and for some reason was crying when someone picked out their wedding dress on a tv show.  That kind of makes the pregnancy moodiness official to me LOL.

 

I took another test this morning and the line was so much darker, that felt better because before it didn't seem that much darker the second time I took one a couple of days ago!

post #9 of 20

 

Quote:
Originally Posted by travelmumma View Post

Is anyone else feeling like this? How do you deal with feeling like this?

 

Yes, I'm nervous about having a miscarriage. This is my third pregnancy, my daughter was born in 2008, and I had a miscarriage in Dec 2010 which was very intense. I had some spotting on Sunday night, which really shook me up. I mean, I was scared. All the memories of my last experience flooded over me, and I even had a physical response to it - like my body felt like it did after my miscarriage. It was really unexpected.

 

I called my midwife immediately and she reminded me that spotting is super normal. Like, it's really really normal. And that helped. And it was also during the time I would've had a period if I weren't 8 weeks pregnant, so that was also reassuring (since I'm told some women bleed when they would normally be cycling otherwise).

 

So most of the time (other than Sunday night) I manage to stay pretty calm. What I do is a sort of mantra every time I go pee, preparing myself in case I see spotting - and feeling huge relief when I don't. And also I remind myself that there is very little I can do other than eating and living as healthily as possible. I also internally talk to my baby regularly, saying that I love him/her, I hope that he/she is able to grow healthy and strong and meet me, his/her daddy, and his/her big sister, and live a long happy life with us. I think I mostly say these things so I will know this baby will always have experienced as much love as I could offer, regardless of what is to come. Somehow, this makes me feel better - or more present, and less anxious.


I also do my very best to stay in the present. I try not to worry about what has happened in the past, or all the possible negative future outcomes. Ultimately, I know I am part of the collective wisdom of mothers (or that I can tap into it when I need it), and that will carry me through whatever is to come. I know that might sound corny, but I believe it given my personal experiences.

 

It's also been good for me to think about how the statistics are in my favor.
 

post #10 of 20

I'm super nervous about a miscarraige...this will be our 4th babe but my 6th pregnancy. There were clear cut reasons each time I miscarried before, but it was hellishly painful (physically and emotionally) and I just worry. It' escpecially tough since I typically take a laid back approach to prenatal care-I do the vitamins, drink rrl blend tea, eat well, but let the babe cook on its own. We have only done sonograms with DD2 and that was because I fell and abrupted my placenta in a major way :( But this go 'round I am finding myself really wanting to get an ultrasoundto check and make sure everything is okay which is really freaking me out. I just keep praying!!! praying.gif

post #11 of 20

i'm scared too. i misscarried in january, and i'm really still getting over that and working through the grieving process when i found out i was pregnant again. i spent the first few days i knew in absolute terror and worry, but then i decided that this baby deserves to have a mama who is proud and excited about it, for as long as it lives. even if that is only a few weeks again. hubby and i talked about waiting to tell people till 12 weeks, but we really felt like this baby deserves to be known about and loved by as many people as possible, whether it live to be 80 or 8 weeks. i am really trying to live in the moment, and experience this pregnancy, and love this baby without holding back from fear, and that is easier some days than others. it is comforting that i have pregnancy symptoms. reassures me that hormones are doing what they should. i won't see the doctor till i'm almost 10 weeks, and i got my positive test at 12dpo and am 5 weeks now, so it's a long time to wait to see or hear a heartbeat. but love, by it's very nature, is always a risk, and i'm trying not to let my worries keep me from loving this baby as much as it is possible for a human to love.

post #12 of 20

It's a totally normal feeling, and I think every mom goes through it. I don't think I am as worried about it this time, because this is #3 for me, but it's still there, in the back of my mind, and it is terrifying when it does cross my mind. Rest easy mama! Everyone is right, being sick is a great sign, unfortunately!

post #13 of 20

Terrified.

Beta's are good, saw sac at 4 weeks even on u/s, in the right place, right size, no ectopic etc...

Have had 4 perfect pregnancies, no m/c, no spotting, no abortions or losses.

I was 35 with the last one, I am 38 now and terrified.

I had 2 false positives before 2 negatives then all positives (6 of those) on my urine sticks.

I am also seeing this as my "last baby".

I am barfy which is excellent sign....I have no real medical conditions, I don't smoke, drink, etc...

But yet I can't help but worry worry worrry.

My midwife knows this and offers me tests but I have little faith....so much can go wrong its a miracle when it goes right!

 

post #14 of 20

 

Quote:
Originally Posted by mamadiamond View Post
 i decided that this baby deserves to have a mama who is proud and excited about it, for as long as it lives. even if that is only a few weeks.

 

This is an absolutely beautiful sentiment. Thanks for sharing that.

post #15 of 20
Thread Starter 

Thank you Mummas,

reading all of your words has given me such comfort. And yes this Babe deserves a happy proud mother no matter what. I really love that idea :)

I am feeling much more confident about this entire thing now :)

post #16 of 20

keep the mantras coming.

It is hard to hold on to something that might let go.

 

This baby is such a reality to me!  to everyone else an idea at this stage...

I want to enjoy this pregnancy, as it will be my last if this pregnancy ends in a baby.

 

post #17 of 20

 

Quote:
Originally Posted by Shiloh View Post

keep the mantras coming.

It is hard to hold on to something that might let go.

 

This baby is such a reality to me!  to everyone else an idea at this stage...

I want to enjoy this pregnancy, as it will be my last if this pregnancy ends in a baby.

 

 

I feel like this too in so many ways.  I don't want to stress/feel upset early on.  I'm also being so cautious about everything that I do LOL.  

 

I really want to enjoy this too as this was such a gift.  I was fairly certain that this was our last, DH actually said right after DS was born (like right after LOL) that was it, nope done, etc.  So, getting pregnant now, though I'm older feels like such a miracle.  My cycle was off, we had an 'accident', there was artificial lube that probably killed most of the sperm, etc.  And, though I'm older I still wound up getting pregnant by accident that one time!  

 

So I'm so really hoping that all of this works out, trying not to stress out about it.  I thought my fourth kiddo was my last....and this happening feels like such a blessing!  My DH is surprisingly happy about it too.  

post #18 of 20

I'm terrified.  More than I was with the other three.  I had awful, awful morning sickness with the other ones.  I'd been admitted to the hospital for severe dehydration by 6 weeks with all of them.  And here I am, 7 weeks and not a bit of nausea.  My husband says I should be thankful...but honestly, I'm just scared it means there's something wrong! 

 

I never thought I would hear myself say this (after 9 months of puking 2-3 times an hour, every hour) but I kind of wish I would get some morning sickness!

post #19 of 20

I actually feel the ms is a blessing and confirms I am still pregnant.

post #20 of 20

I had my first miscarriage after four full term pregnancies in October, and this time I am so scared. I am excited but it's hard to shake the fear. The loss was so emotionally painfully, and we almost didn't try again...this is my second chance so I feel it very keenly. 

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