So what are the biggest challenges for discipline in your family?
This area is probably one of our most challenging.
I am the primary parent. Early on, most of my approach to our daughter was to do whatever we could to keep her from crying or being upset since that would really be a trigger for DH. The crying is so hard on his nerves and would make him really upset. But as DD got older it is clear that with discipline you have to be ok with some crying because the world just can't always go her way. Now I often have to give DH a warning ("there will probably be some screaming soon because DD is continuing to do XYZ and I need to give her some boundaries") so he can prepare himself or leave the room.
The other challenge is with DH's understanding of child development, or lack of it. He really expects a lot of DD that is beyond her age (she is 4). I often think that he relates to her more like a 9 year old. He tries a lot of logic, which just doesn't work usually. And he also can't understand why she does things that seem obviously wrong to him. I can understand getting frustrated if we have been guiding her to do or not do something for 10 times. But he can get really upset the first time, as though she should know automatically what is ok and what is not.
Overall, he is a good father though. He tries to make time every day to spend with DD. And often he can be present and playful with her even when feeling a lot of stress. I see that he is trying really hard and I love that about him. But it is still so challenging feeling like all of the parenting and discipline is on my shoulders.
If only childrearing was a special interest for him! Then, I'd probably complain that he was doing too much and not leaving me enough space for my ideas. But it would be so helpful if he at least took a little interest in looking into the hows and whys of raising children. Instead, he mostly falls back to how he was raised, which wasn't gentle and wasn't very thoughtful. There can be a lot of yelling.... going immediately to yelling, like 0-60 mph, without trying anything in between. But this is mostly when under stress. Other times, when he isn't overloaded, he can be incredibly patient and caring. I just don't always know what side is going to come out. So I try to be the primary disciplinarian in order to protect DD from the outbursts and meltdowns.
I'm wondering if this is similar to other AS families or is it just us? I wonder also for those who also have AS/autistic children if it is easier for the aspie to discipline and parent that child since they are coming from a similar place?