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Mothering › Groups › December 2012 Due Date Club › Discussions › Need to vent a bit.... about a unplanned announcement and my mom.... ARGH

Need to vent a bit.... about a unplanned announcement and my mom.... ARGH

post #1 of 12
Thread Starter 

Not sure if you can sense my frustration thru the computer but, today my DD spilled the beans to my mom, so I explained it a bit more. Mind you I was a bit nervous telling her, I sort of knew it would NOT go over well....

 

well I was right, youd think a bomb dropped on her side of the phone...

 

Her comments:

"Ugh, boy ............."

" Wow , your gonna have your hands full"

"are you sure your gonna be okay with this"

"Wow"

 

on and on. I know she is worried, I have a 3 young kids now, 5 yrs and younger, one being 8 months....

mind you I am also a bit concerned as to how in the world it will be, what its gonna be like, etc. I am confident that I will find the strength to coral them all...

 

I know how negative comments are so much more when you have a number of little ones. But I was just hoping somewhere in the conversation Id hear, " you guys can handle it" " I bet this baby will be as beautiful as your other girls" " thats great, Im happy for you" etc etc etc... it would have made the negative ones a bit more easy to swallow...

 

anyhow. I wanted to vent I guess... I really hope you other mamas dotn have to deal with negative comments like we have, it sucks...

post #2 of 12

I hear ya!

 

The last time we got positive comments from our family (excl FIL who doesn't judge on this one but is an absent grandfather) was with baby #1. We're on #3. So it helped that I had low expectations on this one. The reaction to #2 was really disappointing. I'd love to have a family where pregnancy was celebrated but alas, it's just never going to be. I can't change it. So I try not to think about it. (Though I'm pretty mad about it fresh on the heels of breaking the news only a week ago.)

 

Basically, my philosophy is that happy, strong, well-adjusted people don't react like that. And being an unhappy, weak, poorly-adjusted person is punishment in and of itself!

 

It still stinks. But I'm building the family I wished I had had as a kid. I'd take that over my parents' and in-laws approval any day.

post #3 of 12

Ugh, I'm sorry. This right here is why I'm not looking forward to visibly showing. We already got that kind of stuff after we got pregnant with our third. I just know folks are going to have a lot to say with this being our fourth. And on top of the fact that we were totally surprised by this ourselves, I really can't take any negative comments right now. I'll go into an emotional tailspin. Incidentally, that is also why I haven't told my mom either. irked.gif

 

The good thing is that YOU will be fine. You'll adapt to your new babe and he/she will eventually fit right into the rhythm of your family. No one's opinion has to matter but yours. orngbiggrin.gif

post #4 of 12

 

Quote:
Originally Posted by LittleGriff View Post

I'm building the family I wished I had had as a kid. I'd take that over my parents' and in-laws approval any day.

 

Applause. This is my philosophy to a T. 

post #5 of 12

 

Quote:
Originally Posted by LittleGriff View Post

 But I'm building the family I wished I had had as a kid. I'd take that over my parents' and in-laws approval any day.

So true! This is how DH and I feel about our brood!

post #6 of 12

 

Quote:
Originally Posted by LittleGriff View Post

 

Basically, my philosophy is that happy, strong, well-adjusted people don't react like that. And being an unhappy, weak, poorly-adjusted person is punishment in and of itself!

 

 

YES to this!!

To OP, I am so sorry that you are dealing with this. It is unacceptable for anyone {least of all your mom} to share anything but joy upon hearing of the news of a new babe. It is rude and insulting and hurtful.

For this very reason, we made the announcement to my mom with most of my immediate family present last night--grandparents, her hubs and step son--and she still had to leave the room for 30 minutes before she could even stand to be in the same room without biting her tongue the whole time. SERIOUSLY! I am a happily married woman, with a wonderful husband, and an almost 3 year old daughter--ok, we are pretty poor right now, but hubs is in school working towards his veterinary degree {lonnngggg road} and works full time { low wage job}--SO WHAT! Does that mean we are not allowed to live the joys in life and that we should just wallow in misery for the next 10 years until we 'make it' financially? It is so ridiculous, really.

Totally feeling you on this. 

 

post #7 of 12

One of my co-workers is a beautiful, educated, hard-working woman.  She is also a fabulous mother to her children.  She is pregnant with #6 right now.  These children are all wanted, loved, happy, and well taken care of.  She and her husband have been married for 15 years and are great partners to each other.  

 

When she was pregnant with #3 she went to her midwife's clinic for her initial visit.  She was in her late 20s, her prior two children were 2 and 3.5 years old.  The midwife spent 20 minutes trying to convince this woman that she should have an abortion.  This was a wanted, planned child.  There were no medical, genetic, or other issues.  It was a normal healthy pregnancy.  She went back a month later and got the same treatment---being told that the best option for her and her family would be to abort this child.  Needless to say, she left and never came back.  She ended up with an OB/GYN that she loves.

 

I grew up in a large family and it was great.  Yes, there are unique challenges to raising a large family, but there's a lot of joy too.

post #8 of 12
rnra- that is CRAZY. I've never heard of such a thing- totally nuts! I was expecting a little weirdness from the student health center (I am a 30 year old undergrad student) when I had to go in to get a referral to the midwife clinic, but everyone was very nice and said congratulations and everything, and they really know nothing about my situation, just that I was happy to be pregnant. One lady told me that young people like me should be having kids, not old people like her... not sure if she realized how "old" I am, but she was probably in her late 40s so who knows.

We haven't had any problems like this, lately, but when I got pregnant with my first I was 19 and then the next came along 15 months after the first... so you can imagine how well that went over.

I always say that people shouldn't ever say anything negative about babies or tattoos since they aren't just going away!
post #9 of 12

Some people are jerks, or they can't be happy, or they have incredibly strange ways of dealing with good news, or they're just worried about you or.....but that doesn't have to be a reflection of your reality. Celebrate your new child, come here and we will be thrilled for you.  

post #10 of 12

I'm putting off telling my parents since I don't know if they will be supportive. I was 19 with my first pregnancy, and they spent the entire pregnancy trying to get me to give the baby up for adoption. They were happy about baby number two. Who knows if they will approve number three. I'm happy, and I don't want to share it with people who won't share my joy until I have no other choice.

post #11 of 12

mamatwo8 I'm sorry about the negative comments.  I'm certain that I will get some (or at least DH will get some).  He told me last time the people at his office were talking to him like "don't you know about birth control....?".  I don't know what's going to happen this time with #5, because it's so hard around here to find anyone going past 4!  

Quote:
Originally Posted by LittleGriff View Post

 

Basically, my philosophy is that happy, strong, well-adjusted people don't react like that. And being an unhappy, weak, poorly-adjusted person is punishment in and of itself!

I second that!  I think sometimes people just have their own issues and as a result respond negatively as a defense mechanism.  

 

My sister, for example, she's chosen not to have children (she's nearly 50 now so it's now certain) and I've never gotten anything but congratulations or joy from her.  So, people can have their own feelings about things and NOT be rude or obnoxious in the way they respond to other people's choices.  

 

I guess because I'm also a homebirthing mom, breastfeeding mom, etc. I've almost gotten to the point that I expect rude comments occasionally.  What is wonderful though is when someone recognizes the beauty in your family and tells you.  

 

 

 

 

post #12 of 12

We've had very similar reactions to our past 3 pregnancies.  I was 19 with my first and still in school.  My second came just after we moved into our own place.  I got pregnant with my 3rd when my second was 7 months old.  Apparantly, none of those were "good" times to have a baby.  I figure if I spent my whole life waiting for the "perfect" time to have a baby, I'd be old and childless.  Things have always worked out well and our kids are awesome, happy, well-loved little people. 

 

This time, I think people are less suprised so the reaction is laughing, which I'm okay with!

 

I'm sorry you had to deal with it...it sucks.  But you WILL be fine!  I found the 16 month age gap was a ton easier than the 2.5 age gap!
 

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