I have pretty much been absent since my precious baby girl was born. We have had a pretty hard stretch, and I haven't had time to post, plus I felt like such a failure as a mother that I didn't want anyone to know. I felt so much shame. It may be silly, but my whole life, I have envisioned being a mom, and the thing I looked forward to the most was nursing.
So here goes: my baby girl can't latch. I tried everything I could. We had a lactation consultant at 4 days (she stopped latching at 2, lost almost 10% of her birth weight by day 3) who was useless. We finger fed with a tube. My mom came and we go her to latch. She gained weight by day 5. She stopped latching at 6 days, and by day 10, had lost over 10%. By then, she was so tired, she couldn't stay awake long enough to finger feed, which we had gone back to when she stopped latching. We had to go to a bottle. She was so lethargic, we couldn't wake her to eat for a few days.
I almost lost my milk supply. By day 10, I could get 1oz every 2-3 hours, and it took an hour of work to get it, even with the hospital grade pump. An amazing woman in our DDC gave me some expressed milk while I rebuilt my supply. I started taking medication to increase it, and was able to get barely enough. But it WAS enough. I could feed my baby girl. Even if it wasn't the way I wanted to, even if it was so hard to have to spend so much time pumping, she was getting milk.
I never have any extra, so I can never get ahead. Every meal I have to pump when she is hungry. That is hard, because she is often upset before 'i have enough, and I can't go anywhere in case she wakes up hungry because I have no way of feeding her. I start pumping when she shows hunger signs in her sleep and hope she stays asleep. Then I hope the amount I am able to get will satisfy her, since I have no more.
I made an appointment at the Newman Clinic. Our appointment was today. We were there for 3.5 hours. They were amazing. They saw how much she wanted to nurse, but how she screamed and cried and couldn't manage it. With the help of the lactation consultant, we were able to almost succeed, and she did latch for a few swallows a couple of times. She said she s so close to getting it. I learned some tricks that help me help her too.
The pediatrician diagnosed diagnosed her with a posterior tongue tie, and we chose to have it clipped. She cried a lot, I managed to not cry. She still didn't latch after, but settled after a bottle of milk. I haven't succeeded in getting her to latch in the two feedings since, but I am hopeful. Her mouth seems to be bothering her, so I am not pushing it. We are gong to work on it in the coming days though. It really better work, my baby girl deserves to nurse.
Oh, and if this isn't enough stress, I leave tomorrow for my parents house, 4 hours away, as we are moving Saturday. My husband will follow with our stuff then. We have been trying to pack through all of this. Hey, at least my husband is done exams though. She arrived 2 weeks before he was done, so we had that going on too. She will be 3 weeks on Saturday. I can't believe t has only been 2.5 weeks.
Sorry this is so long.