joint custody/sad

[hrc2]

I have been seperated for almost a year and divorced for 7 months... I have two boys and my ex and I share custody 50/50... my kids are with him for a week and then me for a week... they both are very active atheletes so on my off week I still get to see them often but they just don't get to stay with me... I feel like I miss out on alot even though I still talk to them daily when they aren't with me... I cry all the time when they are away and sometimes when they go to bed because I just hate the thought of only having them half of the year.... there isn't a night that has gone by  that I haven't had tears rolling down my cheeks from sadness.... any suggestions to help me get through this?

[silverbellpress]

It sounds like you're really sad. I feel the same way sometimes when my 3 year old is with her father for the weekend. I try to remind myself that she is fine- happy, taken care of- and that my role as a mother is to ensure those things, not to meet my own emotional needs. I hope that doesnt sound admonishing! It is an unnatural situation; it is sad. But is also give you the opportunity to have the best of both worlds. Full time mothers would never get that much time to pursue non-child related things. 

[hrc2]

I try to remind myself of those same things... They do look forward to seeing their dad and I wouldn't want it any other way... I guess it's just all of the changes and worries that go into it all.. one of my kids is 14 and the other is 11 so they understand most of what is going on... they are still adjusting of course to a degree... and I guess so am I... I guess the best of both worlds is a way to describe it, but as weird as some may think it sounds.. I don't like the world without my kids as much lol... I suppose some would say stop being a cry baby and deal with it lol... i tell myself that sometimes too.. in the end it is what it is and you just gota figure out how to make it work:-( just trying to find a way to make it a little less sad...

Thanks for taking the time to offer your advice:-) it was much appreciated!

[sprout 1]

I know how you're feeling, and it sucks. When my ex used to take the kids I was heartbroken too, I didn't want to live like that but had no choice. Holidays were a huge sore spot, because all I wanted was to be with my kids. It seemed really unfair and wrong. I don't know what to tell you or how to make it better, but I want you to know you're not alone, and you're not being a cry baby. It's totally normal to want to be there with your kids, and heartbreaking when you can't. One thing I found was to try to stay busy and occupied when they were gone, like with hobbies, exercise, classes. I did meditation and focused on myself and it helped me in lots of ways. Also it made me appreciate my time with them a lot more! I wish you and your kids the best, I'm so sorry you have to go through this it really does just suck.

[EarthRootsStarSoul]

Stay busy!  I had to change my lifestyle when I got divorced so that I wouldn't get stuck in sadness when the kids were away.  Time to make some new friends, try new hobbies, go out to hear live music and hit the dance floor!  Rediscover the person you were before you were a mommy.  You are entitled to live your life!

[sonshinegrace]

Think about getting a flexible part time job on your "off" weeks. We start this schedule in 2 weeks. I DREAD it. I cosleep when my 9 and 7 year olds are home.