I am so, so tired. My girls are asleep now. Finally. For a little while. They're mostly not napping at the same time, and if they are, it's because I'm out walking them, which gets me out of the house and some exercise, but doesn't get me a break. They wake up in the night, once every four hours a major wakeup, and sometimes other times as well. And the past few nights at least one of those has been a get up sit in a hot shower with a baby so she can breathe. I just got back from walking one baby to sleep, because she can't nurse because of a stuffed up nose.
None of my helpers are available (two have quit, and my mom is on a business trip) and my house cleaner is sick. And my husband is very busy with work and teaching, and I feel terrible that he had to get up last night when both girls were upset.
And I'm just losing it. Losing my temper, getting angry with my husband, being frustrated with the babies. When they're not sick, I get a break during their naps (an hour in the morning and maybe the same in the afternoon) and when they go to bed (8:30-10). But with them sick...I've had ten minutes today.
And I just feel so bad. My husband says it's my own fault for not hiring a nanny. But I feel like most people handle two babies all by themselves just fine. And my mother in law assures me that two is far easier than two of different ages. And almost everybody survives that just fine.
I just feel like I'm failing today. And... there's a baby awake.