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Other children at birth

post #1 of 9
Thread Starter 

DS is 6 and I was kind of planning on him just hanging out and taking care of himself during the birth (my parents are just a few houses down and he has friends near by who I'm sure he could go visit too if he gets antsy). He says he'd like to be in the house, but not in the same room until after the baby comes.


My MW was saying that I'll want to get someone whose sole responsibility is DS and not me/the birth since he'll likely be in and out and everywhere and in the event of a transfer we wouldn't have to worry about packing him up too.


I honestly really don't want anyone else in the house though.


I wouldn't mind my MIL or SIL there (they're both rather dis-interested in the birthing process...but then again I'm not sure they'd want to be there), I'm not sure what my mom would think with being there but not really being there for ME. She sure did take good care of me after DS's birth.


Is it wrong of me to assume DS would manage fine on his own and only arrange childcare as a back-up as need be? Anyone BTDT?



post #2 of 9

im in the same place with 4 year old DSD. i get that it would be good to have someone there just for her but i really dont want anyone else  at the birth either.


my mom wîll be there as well as DP and the midwife and she would be able to attend to any of DSDs needs but i dont know how much i will need her and DSD tends to glom onto her and demand all of her attention.


we will have a couple of plac set

post #3 of 9

I think 6 is old enough that he won't need constant care at all.  If your parents are that close, just make sure they are okay with running over to get him in the event of a transfer.  The midwife mwants to make sure you only need to focus on you, but that is hard for moms to do with other kids in the house, whether we want to admit it or not.  My 2 and 4 year olds will be here, but:I will have my dad to watch them.  I am sure I will still be thinking of them thoug,h, especially if it is daytime.

post #4 of 9

You know your child best. He must have a pretty mellow temperment, otherwise you wouldn't even be wondering. My boys (with my 2 year old leading) would be in grave danger. Just yesterday, I foolishly decided to jump in the shower for a second (literally) before my doctors apt. Within seconds, I hear the front door open (my older son had the best of intentions, the dog wanted out) and I knew my naked two year old was out. I got lucky and he let me catch him, I am still grateful there happened to be a blanket right by the front door. I will not be dealing with this sort of thing during labor. My kids are going to enjoy a lovely day with grandma.The older two are planning to evacuate, as well. Sounds just right.

post #5 of 9

I don't think a 6yo would need someone there just to care for them with two other adults in the house unless it was a child that does not obey rules to any extent and is known to "get into trouble" whenever left unsupervised. I've definitely known children that I wouldn't trust with that but most would be fine IMO. You are definitely the best one to say whether your child can handle it or not. 
I have a will be 10yo, a 5yo and a 3yo, my husband will be the only other adult at my birth and I'm not the least bit worried. If I want my husband's attention we will have the kids put in a movie and I know that they will sit and watch it or come watch us if they get bored. I think kids are a lot better at handling birth than most people think and most of them will clearly see that something is different and change their behavior (not ask for things, not get into stuff/fight etc). I have labored with littler ones than this before and they really did not cause a problem. <3 

post #6 of 9

Depends on the kid. My DS is 2.5 and will need someone - HOW MUCH attention he'll need, I don't know. If he is super glued to the birth action, maybe not a lot...if he wants to be doing something else..he'll need a buddy to help. My DD (turning 4 on my EDD) would normally be his buddy and the two of them playing in their room or in the yard "half attended" are just fine...but DD plans to be involved in this birth and if that is how it pans out, she's not going to be able to hold his hand and go for a walk around the yard with him.


So I have more people coming this time than last time, in part to help with the kids in case they need something...but it'll depend on what time of day it happens. If it's at night and I decide not to call any of the family who plan to come and opt for a peaceful birth with just DH and myself...well, they will be sleeping. In the event that I should need to transfer at that time, I would pack them with us and call MIL/SIL and tell them to meet us at the hospital.



You have your parents close and people who are friends down the street....maybe, as a just in case measure, pack a backpack with him that has a change of clothes, PJs and a couple "favorite things" and a toothebrush or whatever just in case you need to grab his pack and go to transfer.


I really, REALLY don't think you need anyone specifically for him. I figure worst case scenario, "Mom, we need to transfer to the hospital, DS has a backpack with stuff he needs and is playing at the neighbors house waiting for you to pick him up...is that cool?"  - easy.

post #7 of 9

I had a relative at my last birth and it was really important for DD. It is a big event for the kids and sometimes they can be scared or just overwhelmed with emotion and it is good to have someone there "just for them".


This time, I'm enlisting a relative and a friend to come with us to the birth (at birth center) to help with the kids. This way they can come in when the baby is born but mainly play in another room so that I can focus. It may seem like overkill, but I feel really good about it and there is enough space at the birth center that they can be close to the "action" but I can have some privacy, too.

post #8 of 9

I need to figure out what to do with my kids.  The older 2 boys (11 and 9) say they don't want to see the birth, but don't necessarily want to leave the house.  My 5yo doesn't know what he wants, lol.  I'm hoping it works out like it did last time and I go into labor at midnight and have the baby in a little over an hour!  That would be awesome, then the boys will stay asleep and we will wake them after I've settled into bed.  If I go into labor during the day, I might ask a friend to take the boys to her house and bring them back after the birth.  I know our next door neighbors would help in a pinch if they were home.   I definitely don't want extra people at our birth - just me, dh, midwife and the midwife's assistant (who we love like a family member).  I wish the boys wanted to see the birth of their sister, but I can't force it on them.


post #9 of 9


Originally Posted by wanderinblues View Post

im in the same place with 4 year old DSD. i get that it would be good to have someone there just for her but i really dont want anyone else  at the birth either.


my mom wîll be there as well as DP and the midwife and she would be able to attend to any of DSDs needs but i dont know how much i will need her and DSD tends to glom onto her and demand all of her attention.


we will have a couple of plac set


our computer is a tablet which is why i rarely post but often lurk on here. its almost impossible to make a complete post :/


what i was going to say was we will have a couple of places set up for DSD to go if she needs someone to interact with her. we have a friend just up the street who she is particularly fond of.


honestly though, my feeling is that she will be just fine without a designated person. she is great at occupying herself at home and is very trustworthy. she does get excited when people are at the house and i think i will ask my mom to work with her a bit between now and the birth to teach DSD to leave her alone when she has something to do. like i said, DSD loves her and wants her attention all the time and it's very important to me that my mom is able to give me the priority of her attention when i'm in labour. as wonderful as i know DP is going to be (definitely my main support), i know that there are some areas in which my mom will be the most comforting and grounding force. 


i'm also going to have a really hard time keeping DSD out of the birth pool lol. she is pretty obsessed with water and really into welcoming the baby. i hope for her sake i won't mind her being in there with me for a little bit, she would be pretty stoked.

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