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Exploring Attachment Parenting - any book recommendations

post #1 of 22
Thread Starter 

Hello All Ye Pregnant Women of Greatness,

I was wondering if anyone who has children before your present growing bean and if so, has anyone brought up their children using Attachment Parenting methods.  I am wanting to get a good book on the subject and see several that pop up on Amazon but need guidance in getting the right one.

 

If there are any other resources on the subject - please share.

 

all the best,

Babinogi

post #2 of 22

Anything by Dr. Sears is good. :)  Also, an often overlooked (or unknown) aspect of AP is Elimination Communication. We practiced this with my son from 4 weeks on and it has been remarkable. Some good resources on this subject include 'Infant Potty Training' by Laurie Boucke and 'Diaper Free: the Gentle Wisdom of Natural Infant Hygiene' by Bauer (two of my two favorites).

 

I have also really enjoyed listening to Progressive Parenting podcasts by Gina Kirby. I download these to my iPhone and listen to them in the shower. She is amazing, and interviews authors and experts on a wide range of AP subjects. You should check her out!! Here is their website: http://progressive-parenting.com/radio/

 

Best wishes!

post #3 of 22
Thread Starter 

Thanks for the recommendations Sunny Perch!

post #4 of 22

Just want to second the Dr. Sears recommendation.  I really liked "The Baby Book" last time around because it has so much basic information that's a great starting place for any issue and covers all stages of development from birth to age two.  It's all written from an attachment perspective.  It's a little bit more mainstream medical for my taste in some areas, but I still think it's worth it.  If you're not heavy into relying primarily on herbs/homeopathics and naturopathy then it may be more in line in that area anyway.

post #5 of 22

Not necessarily attachment parenting focused, but falls in line with many simpler ideals for children "Einstein never used Flashcards" Great for when you are surrounded by people with kids enrolled in everything under the sun, and trying to teach them to read by 1, and you're starting to wonder if there is another way for them to "learn". Totally eased my anxiety about if I was doing "enough" as a parent to teach my son.

 

Also loved "Hold on to your Kids" Some reviews have been harsh b/c some people have interpreted it as never let your kids leave you. It actually doesn't give that message at all , more along the lines of how important it is to reconnect and stay the most important person in your child's life (so they don't start looking at their friends as their moral compass etc) It's more relevant for kids who are getting older and away from mom/dad more, but building the foundation from birth is discussed and viewed as very important obviously.

 

Another one is "Our babies Ourselves" by Meredith Small. She looks at different cultures and compares them to ours in regards to breastfeeding, co-sleeping etc. It's quite fascinating, and again reinforces how so many attachment parenting ideas are just the way people live in other cultures. I loved reading how little African babies actually cry - like never! 

 

Dr SEars is a great book, he also has a webite. I use it regularly to check the "common childhood illness" section, b/c he give really simple advice about when to worry, when not to worry with illnesses.

 

Jill Romm also has a great natural remedies book for childhood illness if you're into herbs and such - I use that pretty regularly too.

 

 

post #6 of 22

Oh, I should also mention my child-rearing bible of sorts: Raising Our Children, Raising Ourselves (by Naomi Aldort). This book is my go-to resource after a rough day, centers me, helps me remember the kind of mother I want to be. I've read it straight through a a couple of times and underlined powerful passages (there are a lot of them). It has given me a lot to think about in my own development as a person as well.

 

post #7 of 22
I also like The Attachment Parenting book by Allison Granju.
post #8 of 22

Mayim Bialik (Blossom and Big Bang Theory) has a new book out on Attachment parenting called 'Beyond the Sling'. I haven't read it, but have it on hold at the library.

 

We loved the Baby Book and Alison Granju's book is good too.

post #9 of 22

I'm going to be the voice of dissent and confess that I can't stand the Dr. Sears baby book. I myself was raised "AP" (in retrospect, I didn't have a name and assumed most people were raised that way until I was a bit older!) and naturally we are raising our kiddo that way - though I just like to think of it as parenting. smile.gif I thought Dr. Sears was preachy, condescending, and unhelpful. That book had little to help with my high-needs baby and made me feel like a failure. In that regard, I wish I had known about "Happiest Baby on the Block," which has many more practical and attachment-friendly suggestions for a high-needs infant. I do like Dr. Sears' son's book on vaccines, BTW.

 

As far as books go...the truth is I have yet to find a parenting book I really like. I tend to go for practical tips over philosophy because I like to work out my philosophy for myself. And of  course, for me the AP stuff is familiar. I am hoping to get some more recommendations here myself. Is there a topic you are looking for? General/overview? How-to's on co-sleeping or baby-led weaning, etc.? I'll try to look over what I read through the years and see if I have something more to recommend...

post #10 of 22

It's not all about AP- but Natural Family Living by Peggy O'Mara is great. I agree with Gozal though-- I haven't found a book that worked 100%.  I don't do all AP parenting b/c bits and peices haven't worked for one or both of my children.  And, I don't homeschool which is huge for AP.  I always wanted to, but always had to work.  I love to learn about different options and perspectives and "think outside the box". But, I also like to do what works for our family and what works for my child.  Good luck!!!!!  Remember to get several books and don't feel bad if you don't do everything!!!! 

post #11 of 22

That's the great thing about AP - it is not set of "rules", but just doing what works for your family & child. Listening and changing as the needs change.

I've had the same thoughts as Gozal - I haven't found 1 book that I really followed, instead I read many books (mentioned) that seem to fit the general philosophy and take what I want from them (or what makes sense for our family) and leave the rest. Each book seems to have parts that you'll go "that's great" or "that really makes sense", and other parts that you might be like "really?!" I always read each with an open mind.

 

I think sleep books will be your biggest challenge (they were for me, unless you are blessed with an "easy" sleeper) Every book says something different, and for every baby something different works (swaddle vs not, co-sleep in the bed vs co-sleeper beside the bed) I didn't actually read too many, it was just too confusing and nothing was working anyway. My DS didn't sleep longer than a 3 hour stretch until well after a year old (though food issues were a factor for us too)

 

 

 

post #12 of 22

 

I'd definitely recommend Continuum Concept: In Search of Happiness Lost by Jean Liedloff, which is a wonderful resurgence of instinctual parenting wisdom. 
 
Another one would be Parenting From Your Heart: Sharing the Gifts of Compassion, Connection, and Choice (Nonviolent Communication Guides) by Inbal Kashtan. It's all about promoting peace through parenting. It's a lovely, brief guide.
 
post #13 of 22

I have to agree with others, I used to be REALLY into reading all the AP-friendly parenting books out there, but no one book seems to have the answers. lol Of course, it's wonderful to see the different suggestions that are out there and then apply what resonates with you to your family.

 

i wanted to add that I had real issues with sleep in the beginning. I had an 'easy' sleeper in that once the lights were out and Mama was down for the night, baby slept until Mama woke up. lol However, he'd NEVER EVER go down for the night without me in bed for the night. Which seemed really frustrating at the time because I had lots of energy and wanted some time awake without him and some alone time with my hubby. I'm not really sure what exactly in this book helped me, but whenever I think of cosleeping issues, I think of this book as a wonderful one that helped me with my own issues about what was 'normal' and ok.

 

Good Nights: The Happy Parents Guide to the Family Bed

 

Also, has anyone read the Baby Bond? I read it forever ago, but I remember it as being fascinating and sort of the final nail for me as far as attachment parenting was concerned. Of course, nowdays, I associate more with unschooling than AP although they do go hand in hand quite a bit.

 

Also, Dr. Sear's vaccine book is still the best in my opinion. It's just plain factual and lends itself to those who vaccinate and those who don't along with suggestions of ways to vaccinate more safely than the typical schedules/suggestions. I found it fantastic!
 

post #14 of 22
Thread Starter 

Thanks for all the suggestions.  I know that ultimately books can only help to a point.  Since this will be my first child and I haven't been around many people with babies, I wanted to just get an overall understanding of what AP is.  I think that some of it would be a natural instinct for me, but there is so much to learn.  Some things we can learn in a book, some things by feeling our way through situations.

 

I wondered about the sleep issue - if a baby can only sleep with the parents where in the bed/room.  Can't imagine putting a new born or young infant in a separate room, especially for their first few months on earth.  I wondered that if they were put down to sleep at 7 and then the parents creeped in at 9 or so, would it disrupt baby.  How do you all make this work? I guess I shall see what kind of baby we have in October and take it from there.

 

These suggestions sound like a great springboard to learn more!

Thank you so much!

post #15 of 22

The Naomi Aldort book SunnyPerch mentions is my all time, absolute favorite parenting book.  It's very different from how I was raised, so it was very useful for me to read.  The Dr. Sears books aren't bad, but his tone is very condescending towards working mothers as well.

post #16 of 22

I have my complaints about Sears also. I followed the 'rules' to a T, wore my baby all the time, breastfed on demand, co-slept, EC'ed, and he still fussed all.the.time. I got the impression that if I followed his AP prescription, I would have the happiest, most content baby on the block...and that just wasn't the case. It's not a case against AP, just that every baby has a different temperament and needs. Until I realized this, I felt sort of let down, or as though I were doing something 'wrong.' We would have been much worse off had I not know about AP.

 

And I don't feel he takes a strong stance on circ'ing, which is so very against everything else he stands for, so I found that disturbing. But overall, he is a good intro figure into the world of AP. And I LOVE The Vaccine Book.

 

Does he really come down on working moms, BabyxMama? Too bad. I didn't pick up on that (probably because I work at home so it wasn't a topic high on my radar)... but isn't his wife also a doctor/author?

post #17 of 22
Quote:
Originally Posted by Babinogi View Post

Thanks for all the suggestions.  I know that ultimately books can only help to a point.  Since this will be my first child and I haven't been around many people with babies, I wanted to just get an overall understanding of what AP is.  I think that some of it would be a natural instinct for me, but there is so much to learn.  Some things we can learn in a book, some things by feeling our way through situations.

 

I wondered about the sleep issue - if a baby can only sleep with the parents where in the bed/room.  Can't imagine putting a new born or young infant in a separate room, especially for their first few months on earth.  I wondered that if they were put down to sleep at 7 and then the parents creeped in at 9 or so, would it disrupt baby.  How do you all make this work? I guess I shall see what kind of baby we have in October and take it from there.

 

These suggestions sound like a great springboard to learn more!

Thank you so much!


For us, the first two months or so, our bedroom was actually the most comfortable room in the house, so we all ended up in the bed as a family and ds would just end up falling asleep while we watched a movie or talked, or even ate dinner. lol At some point, I'd also go to sleep, and then my hubby might move out to the office for some work or something and creep in later in the night. After those first few weeks though, I had my energy back and we had moved, so that the bedroom wasn't always the favorite room. It was so easy to get ds to sleep in those days, and there wasn't really a point to 'bedtime' for months and months, so if he fell asleep while I was still awake, I just left him where he fell asleep and did my own thing...whether that be on the couch, or in the sling, or on the floor on his blanket. When I went to bed, I'd bring him with me, and we'd both easily go back to sleep. Around 5 or 6 months is where I started having my issues where he wouldn't sleep just anywhere, and I was desperate for a 'bedtime' that was different from my own bedtime. lol I really don't know what we did beyond being lucky enough that my husband worked at home and we could have our 'together' time and 'me' time in the middle of the day when ds napped and then just stay up until we were all ready for bed together. lol I do remember that at year on the dot, ds began finally taking to a bedtime routine...bath, stories, nursing in bed around 8pm and I could sneak out easily and just return when I was tired.

 

That's kept up for the most part ever since although we did have a spell there where he simply wouldn't sleep before 2am. We got rid of the one nap he was taking, and that did the trick (at around 18 months) Now it's as easy as bath, brush teeth, read two books, lay in bed with him for 15 min. reading to myself while he drifts off and then he's down for the night, and I can do whatever I like.

 

Also, in the beginning, we kept our beds low, like, just the mattress on the floor, and if ds was left anywhere like the couch or bed by himself, we barricaded him in with pillows.

 

But, anyway, in our experience it was sort of hard to disturb ds once he was asleep! lol

post #18 of 22

It's not so much that he comes down on working mothers, it's just that Dr. Sears sort of implies that it's a mother who will be doing all care of the babe...which includes nursing on demand and wearing them constantly. lol I'm a stay at home mom, but I also had issues with it when I first read his Baby Book. I mean, I DO believe that the mother is very important...ESPECIALLY in the early months/years, and I do realize and expect that the mother does most of 'work' in most families, but I mean...the child DOES have a father or SOME other caretaker that can wear him or her and keep to all the other AP principles beyond breastfeeding! lol...it just seemed a bit extreme sometimes...his expectations of the mother versus any other caretaker.
 

post #19 of 22

i love and always recommend Dr sears The Baby book. if needed he also has the attached baby book, high needs baby book, sleep book etc a whole bunch.

I also always recommend  natural baby ad childcare by Lauren Feder she covers a lot of topics from co sleeping and diapering to a really great section on vax and natural first aid.

Her book helped me make the final choices as to what to do vax wise. 


 

post #20 of 22
Thread Starter 

Thanks again for all the insight. Preganova - I appreciate you sharing how the sleep works for you - it's nice to hear an example. I know each baby is different and that sometimes you try things and they work and sometimes they don't and adjustments have to be made. Our house is quite small so sharing a bedroom which never gets used by us except for sleep actually frees up a small workspace for me which will allow me to keep things going in that corner of my life.  Eventually we will be building an addition so as baby gets older they can have their own room and we can create a magical space for them.

 

I just got a Dr. Sears AP book in the mail today and after reading The Baby Whisperer, which does have some good insights, I think I am leaning more towards AP's approach.  I think it suits my personality but we shall see what the baby is like in October.  It's all very exciting and fascinating. 

 

Vaccines are another issue that I want to sort out in advance before I am rushed into having to think about it.

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