post #41 of 41

I have a 10-year-old boy and there are definitely kids in his class who sneak away during recess and kiss behind the PE building. There was one unfortunate girl who did most of the kissing, with a line of boys trying to kiss her.  They all got caught and were no longer allowed free reign of the playground.  But I know most of the kids involved and they're all basically good kids who were just experimenting, and who needed help setting limits. 


Personally, I don't think a kiss or even a crush is that big of a deal at this age.  But I would be concerned if my 10-year-old was only interested in the opposite sex.  While my son has had a crush on a certain girl for going on two years, he's also very into several sports, music, and has a handful of good buddies he does activites with.   At this age, I feel they need to be exploring and developing a wide variety of interests.  Sounds like you're on the right track with sports and music for your dd. 


The one thing I'm concerned about in your situation is all the punishment. It sounds like the school is handling things as they see fit (and it sounds a tad bit extreme to me), so I think you need to back off on the punishment at home and instead foster your relationship.    I can see how you need to give your dd a consequence for lying, but you need to quickly move past that..   Taking away media for the rest of the school year seems out of proportion to her "crime," and I don't think it will bring you the outcome you're looking for.  I think instead, you might want to think about how you want this to resolve (better communication with your dd?) and pursue activities that foster the outcome you're looking for.  


If you also want her to forget the boy, how about a lot of fun summer camps or afterschool activities that don't involve him?  


Regardless, I would really try to avoid setting up this conflict as a "you win/ she loses" scenario.  Instead, I would try to help her understand appropriate behavior, while still validating her feelings.  I would also make sure you let her know that you have faith in her and that your high standards are because you know she's worth it and it responsible enough to deal with those expectations.