I'm Cindy and I'm new here. I have a 9 month old daughter and I've been depressed off an on... It didn't get worse until last November when my husband lost his job. I started out strong, then got weaker and depressed. Now, I have good days and bad days. Today was a bad day. All I did was lay around and cry. I cried last night too. I have a beautiful daughter that I love to be with (there's no thoughts of harming her or myself), but I sometimes wish things were just better. I've lost faith in my husband... I feel like I've let my daughter down because she deserves better.
I have raised my daughter practically 100% of the time by myself, even with my husband on unemployment. My Mom has passed away, my Dad's on the other side of the country with his wife who's going through treatments and illnesses... My in-laws are in a different state and never around, plus my mom-in-law's been depressed for years. I have no help. Now, since it's just been me raising my daughter, she's become too attached to me and now my husband has to step up and try to help her gain the confidence of being without me.
I'm a prospective teacher who never got hired because the economy. My husband's in marketing but didn't get hired in his field either for the same reason. We're struggling. We did plan on having our daughter, but at that time, I was working and he was working. I was a nanny/tutor and the family let me go because they felt I should be home with my daughter. Then, when she was 4 months old, my husband got laid off.
I'm trying to promote my photography since people love it, however, it's hard when my husband is even dependent on me to take my daughter because he wants her happy. I have no escape!
So, I keep questioning 'what is this?' My Dad's wife thinks it's postpartum and now that I think about it, it must be. It kills me to be like this because I was always mentally stable; up until now. So, thinking over and over why do I feel like this off and on? I've come to believe that I have PPD, too.