...that a lot of other "coupled" moms need to reassure themselves that you are worse off than they are to reaffirm their own choices?
Not all of them, mind you... just the unhappy ones I guess. I am so sick of pity and condescension, it hurts. Why can't women be more supportive and encouraging of each other? Why do we have to tear each other down when we should be building each other up? Does anyone else feel this way?
I really feel like the majority of "coupled" moms I encounter spend a lot of energy trying to tell me what I can't do because I'm a single mother to assuage their remorseful feelings about their own lives. Part of me gets defensive and angry, like "how dare you tell me what I can and can't do!", but mostly I want to tell them that they are under-estimating not just me, but themselves! Don't tell me "it was hard enough on me when I did that, and I had help... I would never have been able to do that as a single mom." How do you know? I'll bet you could. I'll bet you'd have done it even better as a single mom. Or shaming me for my aspirations by telling me that it will detract from my time with my kid, thus inferring I am a bad and selfish mother. Did it ever occur to you that I'm trying to be an example to my kid? Yikes. Am I some how less able to strike a work-life balance than other working parents because of my single status? I don't get it. These criticisms come largely from other working moms too... it's just weird to me.
Does anyone else encounter this? I really do not feel like being a single parent is harder at all. I truly believe that I am better off without the added layer of a relationship to deal with. Yes, being a mom is hard in general... and as a single mom, I have one less income to support us, and one less helper around the house, which can be challenging (although in my case, I don't miss the money or the help because it was never there in the first place), but I don't have to deal with all that other crap. Maybe they see me as sad because I don't know what it's like to have true love in my life or some other such crap, and that's quite fine by me, but the women I know who do have healthy, loving relationships (like my lovely sister) aren't like that at all. They are supportive and wonderful. So, what gives?
I'm just discouraged by the lack of love and support among women who really ought to be building each other up. Thanks for reading if you got this far. I just needed to vent I guess, so I didn't feel the need to search out and infiltrate an ancient tribal matriarchal village of some sort. Ugh.