or Connect
Mothering › Groups › August 2012 Birth Club › Discussions › Names... such a weighty decision

Names... such a weighty decision

post #1 of 5
Thread Starter 

Last fall, we lost a baby boy at about 20 week.  I named him Andrew Charles for my husband and grandfather.  All of my children are named for people I admire.  Now that I know I'm having another boy, I'm struggling not to think of this baby as Andrew.  There was very little time between pregnancies and I have found myself thinking of this baby as Andrew several times in the week that I've known.  I think naming this little boy will help with that, only I'm really having a hard time with it.  In the Bible, Andrew's brother is Simon Peter.  Because names are a very important part of my family (I love family tree research and do it as often as time allows), do you think it would be difficult for a child to grow up being named for a brother he never knew?  I wouldn't use Andrew's name again - that belongs to him.  But part of me likes the link between Andrew and Simon or Peter.  Part of me also thinks that's asking a lot of kid... to grow up in a family where name origins are discussed and known and to carry on a reminder of a baby who wasn't meant to be.


I'd love honest opinions from strangers on this. Everyone around me is a little afraid to commit one way or the other because I'm still a little fragile about losing Andrew.  (Okay, depending on the day, I'm still a LOT fragile.)  SO be honest, please.  


How are other people choosing names?  Do other people choose family names or are you going with names you have other connections to?

post #2 of 5
It so personal, but i think Simon Peter would be very nice. I have a friend who lost her first born when he was two weeks old. She got pregnant again 3 months later. Her second has his brother's name as a middle. Two years later she's happy with the choice. What your proposing is even more subtle and I think does a nice job of honoring your lost child while still giving this son his own identity. I think it will work particularly well if you can articulate things you admire about the biblical Simon beyond only being Andrew's brother. But again, I don't think there is a right answer. If you do what feels right in your heart, you'll be fine whatever name you choose and so will your son.
post #3 of 5

Hi there, bjacques... first off, I am so very sorry for your recent loss, what a year it must have been for you and I'm glad to see that you've been blessed w/another pregnancy.  I completely agree w/Rebecca..... personally I think that Simon Peter is a perfect way to connect to Andrew and his memory.  I'd imagine it to be more difficult for you (the parents) to be reminded by this name, than it would be for your new son who will not really understand the "loss" until his later years.  If this is the name that you feel in heart, then I would go with it!


As for me, I had always hoped for a boy and wanted to name him "William" after my father.  Once my DH agreed, we stuck with that plan and avoided the distraction of considering countless other beautiful, original or trendy names that were out there.  We had 2 miscarriages since 2010 - both were early so we did not know the sex, and we did not name our lost angels.   This time around, we've made it far enough to name our son William (his middle name will be Steven, after DH's father) - but we're not telling our families the name until he is born.  We just really want to wait for his name to be revealed upon the good news of his arrival.....



post #4 of 5



I'm so sorry for your loss. I think this is a very sweet and subtle way to provide your new son with a connection to his brother who passed. Personally, I would stick with either Simon or Peter with a different middle name (one that is just for this baby, if that makes sense?), rather than Simon Peter. I like Simon best but Peter has a nice meaning. 



Originally Posted by bjacques View Post
How are other people choosing names?  Do other people choose family names or are you going with names you have other connections to?


Our top pick is Calder James - Calder for the artist who has works in both the city where we live now and in my hometown (the sculpture there is the city's symbol) and James mostly because it sounds good (& I like CJ for a possible nickname) but also for my partner's father (Jim). My grandfather was put on life support today after a sudden, severe brain bleed; he will likely be removed from the ventilator very soon, and though I am not very close to him now, he was part of my life as a child and since I heard the news, I've thought that his name, Henry, would make a nice middle name... but since we're using my last name, that would leave my partner & his family out of things entirely, and I don't think that's fair. If it wasn't so cumbersome on forms, etc. I'd just give him a few middle names, though we may just do that informally. 

post #5 of 5
Thread Starter 


Originally Posted by eleuthia View Post

Henry, would make a nice middle name... 


My 8 year old son has decided this baby's name is James Henry!  I've told him I appreciate his input and will consider it, but it's a Mommy and Daddy decision.  He chose it for two of his great-grandfathers.  (See, we're family tree geeks through and through.)


  Return Home
  Back to Forum: August 2012 Birth Club
Mothering › Groups › August 2012 Birth Club › Discussions › Names... such a weighty decision