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I think I have been giving my son bad advice. :( Help please!

post #1 of 5
Thread Starter 

I haven't been on in ages, and I should have just come here from the get-go. I'm kicking myself now. :(

 

Both my boys are intact. The older son (6 in a few weeks) is still really not retractable. There is a small opening where you can totally see the actual penis, but it doesn't go very far.

 

A few weeks ago he called me into the bathroom and was concerned about a very small amount of discharge on the outer edge of his foreskin. It was not the usually described 'pearls' or lumps under the foreskin.

 

I did some on line searching and couldn't really find much so I just told him it was probably smegma, totally normal and just pull back the skin as much as is comfortable and wash away the discharge with soap and water while in the shower.

 

Today he complains of pain at the tip of his foreskin after urinating. After using the restroom again he said the pain is at the tip of the foreskin and it doesn't hurt while urinating only while bending down to pull up his pants. After that, no pain.

 

I did a quick visual and it doesn't appear to be red or irritated.

 

 

Could his discomfort be from overzealous washing? Should he not be retracting the small amount he is able and washing?  I was going to dab a little neosporin on there for the heck of it and tell him to just leave it alone, does that sound appropriate?

 

I just feel so blind! I don't want to give him any more harmful advice!

 

 

post #2 of 5

I think others will chime in, but I wanted to give you my thoughts.

 

I think just rinsing w/ water will be fine.  Urine is sterile so there's nothing really to get him dirty to need soap.  If water doesn't rinse it away, maybe it could just stay there?  

 

As far as retracting, I don't believe it needs to happen (and even then, not necessarily) until he's separated all the way.

 

I believe I've read here the neosporin is NOT recommended for the genitals.  I think it says so on the box?  I'd suggest probiotics before any antibiotic, but that's my personal comfort/discomfort w/ those substances.

 

Best wishes,

Sus

post #3 of 5
Some do just fine with the neo while others react badly to it on the genitals. It could be that he isnt rinsing the soap off well enough. Many do use soap to wash there but it can be very drying and if not rinsed it can cause irritation. I think what I would do is put some neo on and watch for more irritation or if you have it on hand the safe alternative to neo is OTC bacatracin. For now I would tell him to stop using soap to wash and just rinse things off with clear water while retracting.

As far as retraction goes as long as it is him doing it no worries. He will know how much he can retract and that way he wont hurt himself.

Keep in mind that some boys have irritation during the separation process so it may also be that.
post #4 of 5
I believe soap can actually irritate things. Apparently, they make soaps which do not irritate, but soap could be part of the issue.

I would tell him not to use soap and to retract as much as possible without discomfort while in the bath/shower and just let the water take care of the rest.

As far as your comment about the "actual penis", I know what you meant by that, but keep in mind that the foreskin is part of the actual penis. The word you were looking for was glans. -- Not a big deal, but just something to remember in the future.
post #5 of 5
Quote:
Originally Posted by DklovesMkandJK View Post

 

"A few weeks ago he called me into the bathroom and was concerned about a very small amount of discharge on the outer edge of his foreskin. It was not the usually described 'pearls' or lumps under the foreskin."

 

What you were seeing was probably a bit of smegma diluted with water/urine.  This indicates that the normal separation process may be starting to allow retraction.

 

I did some on line searching and couldn't really find much so I just told him it was probably smegma, totally normal and just pull back the skin as much as is comfortable and wash away the discharge with soap and water while in the shower.

 

Good advice!

 

Today he complains of pain at the tip of his foreskin after urinating. After using the restroom again he said the pain is at the tip of the foreskin and it doesn't hurt while urinating only while bending down to pull up his pants. After that, no pain.

 

This is probably a part of the normal separation process.  As it starts and continues there are remaining adhesions.  Erections will cause a pulling at the edges of these adhesions making (very) small tears in the foreskin lining or glans.  When he urinates, the  salt and uric acid will get into these tears and will irritate.  However because these are very small, the problem is usually over in a day or two, often before you can get him in to a pediatricians office.

 

I did a quick visual and it doesn't appear to be red or irritated.

 

This is quite normal.

 

Could his discomfort be from overzealous washing?

 

It's possible but not likely.

 

Should he not be retracting the small amount he is able and washing?  

 

Only if he wants to.  He is the final determiner here.  He will stop when it starts to hurt.  Only he can determine that.

 

I was going to dab a little neosporin on there for the heck of it and tell him to just leave it alone, does that sound appropriate?

 

I reall don't think it is needed.

 

I just feel so blind! I don't want to give him any more harmful advice!

 

I can understand that.  Decades ago, mothers knew how to take care of their sons but that combined knowledge (of mothers, friends, brothers and sisters and parents/grandparents) was lost in the circumcision craze of decades ago.  However, you have a great resource here at mothering.com.  There are many experienced mothers and others who can shine a light on your path.  They have first hand experience and have done research that would take years for an individual.  Trust them!

 

 

 

Frank

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