Negative/Hurtful reactions to pregnancy announcement?? « Back to Group Discussions

[travelmumma]

Hi Mummas,

I have had some rotten responses from people lately. This is our first. Planned, very excited, as prepared as possible etc etc etc.

We haven't told many people but I have had two "fantastic" responses that have ripped me down.. Just got one now (an hour ago)

"Wow... Like no offence or anything and I don't  want to curse you but.. Yourll probably have a miscarriage.. Even tho your healthy and sh!t you probably will anyway"

You can tell from the language she used how educated she is... It wasn't said in a "be careful when you tell and who you do so you don't have to un-tell". It was meant   in a hurtful way.

Anyone else getting these?

Thought we could have a little b!$ch about these stupid people.

??????

[Jackies]

Wow, that is so wrong I don't know what to say. Hugs!

[darkblue0729]

Mama, know that anyone who could and would say something so hurtful is NOT someone whose opinion is of merit IMHO...you are successful, in love, and blessed with a babe who will grow and be strong and vibrant and it will be epic beyond the telling. Please don't pay any heed to someone so full of venom. Within you there is a bright and fearless summer always ready to melt out the ice people may send your way!

[kawa kamuri]

That's a completely disgusting, ill informed and cruel response. I'm sorry. 

[katroshka]

Wow, why would anyone say something like that??? We haven't told many people yet, but everyone has been nice, as was everyone last time. When I had my first two I was very young and people were really negative about it, so I know what that can be like. They changed their tune after seeing what a good mom I was, and how awesome my kids are! I'm sure you will get better responses from better people!

[lilbsmama]

Wow! That's incredible rude! I hope she wasn't a friend! I'm so sorry that someone said that to you. Unfortunately it is common, i think. Try not to let things get to you, mama, because sometimes people DO have good intentions, and don't get their words right. What bothers me is that when people find out I am pregnant, they ask if I am going to stop if I get a girl this time....like my boys aren't good enough. I like to pop their bubble when I say that NONE of my pregnancies have been planned, and I surely hope I'm NOT done. I could care less what this baby is, and I already know I want more. 

[Mamabeakley]

I hated the 'will you stop if it's a girl' questions when I was pg with my third (who did turn out to be a girl).  So rude.  And annoying.  I'm expecting some 'why didn't you stop' questions this time . . . 

I'm pretty sure that the only people whose weird comments will bother me are my parents.  So I am not telling them until *I* am feeling 100% positive about this (getting there, overwhelmed by everything else in my life and hate the 1st trimester, more than any problem with the actual baby) to tell them.  I have the convenient excuse that DH is commuting back and forth to another city for another few weeks to months.  So our plan is to wait to tell until we are all in one place all the time, so I feel more supported.

[purposefuldoula]

Aww, travelmumma! That's awful! I really hope this is not someone you consider a friend and more an acquaintance.   

I haven't had any negative reactions, but it's probably because I only surround myself with people I absolutely love to be with. (When I'm not feeling like I completely trust a "friend," or know I would never leave my kids with that person, I get the hell out of there and pretty much avoid that person! I know how that might sound but life is too short to regret how or who I spend my time with.)  I've got a wonderful group of AP minded mamas who are all supportive of everyone. I've only been congratulated with hugs, how are you feeling(s), and that's so exciting(s)! 

 I wish all of you mamas on here have wonderful supportive friends irl. I'd go nuts without my friends!! 

[Shiloh]

I've had pretty supportive reactions from friends

Edited by Shiloh - 7/3/12 at 6:26pm

[kaleiskind]

TM, that is so incredibly disrespectful. I wouldn't pay any attention to that person. That is just awful.

Shiloh, I'm glad you still have a support system, although it stinks that the father isn't as supportive as he should be.

[phatchristy]

Wow, I can't believe what that person said to you!  Just absolutely horrible!  I can't believe anyone would say anything that cruel.  

I'm not even sure when I should say anything here, maybe when it feels more real, I'm out of the first trimester, etc.  I almost want to tell my mom now, but I know she will worry about me so much!  I think my family will be positive overall.  It's the people I don't know, what they're going to say....I'm concerned about that stuff!

[zebrachick83]

Was that said on the Internet? Because that sounds just like an online troll. 

I've heard stupid things before and generally I was too intimidated to say anything, but this being the fourth go around, I'm actually looking forward to verbally smacking some folks down. I imagine I'll be saying "Why don't you mind your own business?" quite often. My family's reaction will not be positive in any way, so I have no intention of telling them. I'll just be showing up at next year's reunion with another kid. 

[tropicana74]

Originally Posted by Shiloh 

But really if he's that emotionally clueless that he can relate the suggestion that the fetus might "not be viable"

to what a coach would say in the last down of a football period....something about playing until the game is done and whistles...

and other suggestions about car races and being the passenger....

thank god I have supportive friends cause if I relied on sportscar dude...
 

Men definitely have their own way of working through their "stuff" don't they?? 

Originally Posted by zebrachick83 
 My family's reaction will not be positive in any way, so I have no intention of telling them. I'll just be showing up at next year's reunion with another kid. 

Oh, that sounds like a good time!  I'd love to be a fly on the wall that day...whoo!  

[Shiloh]

**update he's coming back to reality, guess he had some stuff to "get out of his system" and said he'll be there for everything.

Had a night of drowning his sorrows that I think from the sounds of it resulted in a major blackout and the barfs.....

(funny my exh came to one appointment for each kid - usually just to see the penis on the ultrasound machine - we had three boys in a row)

We work together in same building, company different departments.

He thinks I won't show until the "end of the summer" I was like dude my uterus is two inches above my pubic bone now!

*the joys of being pregnant with #5 I got a ranch bunaglow not a small condo uterus.

or its twins........oh lord........I am going to look preggo by June. 

He's been gone on business for the last bit...and won't be back until Friday.

He's going to be shocked, the boobs keep growing and the belly is beyond indigestion.

I am avoiding maternity clothes until second trimester...if I can :)

Edited by Shiloh - 5/1/12 at 7:20am

[esp831]

I'm so that someone could be so cruel.  She sounds jealous to me.  

Here's the most common annoying comment we've gotten:  "It better be a boy."  We have two girls and everyone feels sorry for my DH.  We would be thrilled with a healthy baby, period.

[madis81]

Ugh! What terrible responses!

Well, we finally told our family and that was <insert sarcasm> fun! We got a lot of "Oh, WOW" and "Hope it's a boy so you can have even numbers - 2 girls, 2 boys". People think we're crazy, because this will be #4.  And my mil tried to say she already knew, because I had a pooch when I visited them a month ago.... when I was 4 weeks... sorry mil, that was the girl scout cookies and bad food I ate driving there. Thanks for noticing the bloat rude woman.

[phatchristy]

Originally Posted by madis81 

Ugh! What terrible responses!

Well, we finally told our family and that was <insert sarcasm> fun! We got a lot of "Oh, WOW" and "Hope it's a boy so you can have even numbers - 2 girls, 2 boys". People think we're crazy, because this will be #4.  And my mil tried to say she already knew, because I had a pooch when I visited them a month ago.... when I was 4 weeks... sorry mil, that was the girl scout cookies and bad food I ate driving there. Thanks for noticing the bloat rude woman.

I got some of the same attitudes from the inlaws family last time with our fourth.  We did wind up with even numbers of both LOL.  

The most ridiculous thing is, MIL has already thought that I was pregnant once (last year)...apparently she mis-understood something that someone else said.  So, maybe that will soften the blow.  

DH did not like the attitude he got from certain co-workers, etc. last time.  So, last night he told me he wasn't planning on telling anyone at work unless he had to go to an appointment and they asked or something.  Uhhh...?  I don't know how realistic that one is!  Should I be offended by that?  

[Jackies]

I wouldn't be offended. If you're not on a personal-life basis with your coworkers, there's no reason for them to know you or your mate is expecting.

[Eandko]

What a horrible and hurtful response!

We've had overwhelmingly positive reactions, but haven't told many people about this pregnancy yet. When we announced my first pregnancy to my Dad and step-mom I told them "You're going to be grandparents!!!" and she said "Well I'M not.... oh but congratulations anyway." Gee thanks lady. I'm trying to include you here and you trample all over my big announcement.
 

[GreenTeaGinger61]

We haven't told many people so nothing to bad. A woman at a playdate was like "OMG! Another one." and was kind of rude but was surrounded by mothers of lots of children so she kind of had to shut up when they all defended big families. My in-laws are going to be nasty about it. They've never said anything good from number 3 on. It bugs me but I know that once the baby is here they're fine. I expected my mom to be not so thrilled but she was supportive if not overjoyed. I just feel so bad that little Skippy is not getting the joy the others did BUT at least we're thrilled.

Dh also went through a moment of "OMG WE ARE INSANE" but snapped out of it by the next morning.