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ds isn't talking this week

post #1 of 11
Thread Starter 

I posted this over in Toddlers as well but thought this might be a good place to visit as well considering ds is so intense anyway.


Seriously, wth. DS is 2.25yo and has been using sentences and phrases of up 10 and 12 words for months. His language usage usually surprises people. If he had a problem or were crying he'd calm down and tell me what he needed.

All of a sudden this week he just isn't talking. He'll scream as if he needs something but won't tell me what it is. DH travels for work and he left before dawn Wednesday and ds has been almost inconsolable every since. He'll lay on the floor crying and won't let me pick him up. greensad.gif He's laying in his bed right now screaming and screaming but he won't let me pick him up. He just screams and cries. It's almost as if my little guy is depressed and it's really freaking me out.

Any words of wisdom would be most appreciated.


post #2 of 11
Thread Starter 

Now that it isn't the middle of the night and ds isn't screaming like a banshee I might make more sense and thought I'd update a little bit.


2yo ds is my 5th dc and I've never experienced anything like this. DS may or may not be gifted, idk he's only 2yo, but he's very intense like his hg big brother which is why I brought this here. DS has been talking for what feels like forever and has been using full and complex sentences for months and it seems that all of a sudden he just points and grunts or points and cries. This is happening at the same time that dh was away. DS hasn't been eating as usual, he gets up in his seat as if he's going to eat and then cries for his Daddy and ends up eating only a few bites. He's not himself, by a lot, and it's alarming. DH has to travel and the month of June he's away more than he's home.

At first I thought ds might be working on another task and talking just wasn't a priority but the lack of talking combined with his sadness is what's got me wondering. My gut tells me this is about sensitivities and intensities ds seems to have been born with but I was hoping for some comradery or btdt or thoughts. At this point, I'll take anything.



post #3 of 11

hugs.  no advice but lots of hugs!!!  maybe give him his own photo of daddy?  can he skype?  ped appt to be sure nothing is going on medically? 


a book  the invisible string really helped my 6 yo who has major seperation anxiety, but im not sure a 2 yo would "get it"

post #4 of 11
Thread Starter 

happy1nluv-you reminded me of something that happened several months ago!


DD5yo was taking violin lessons through a homeschool arts co-op sort of a thing at a local church. They have a nursery where parents watch other parents dc while they run their older dc to their classes which are scattered about the church in different rooms. I had never left ds in the nursery before and decided I'd give it a go as dd was learning a new song and I really wanted to be able to pay attention. After a 40 minute lesson dd and I went back to the nursery where I found ds standing alone looking terrified and hyperventilating! Let's set aside my anger when the other parents told me he'd stood there the entire time and no one thought to come get me by w/e. DS literally stood in the same spot for 40 minutes and was so upset by the time I got back down to the nursery that he'd started hyperventilating. He hasn't been away from either myself, dh, or one of our older dc since that day.

DS clearly has some seperation "stuff" but I didn't ever consider it would cause him to be so upset when dh left for a work trip. fwiw, I'm a little surprised because for 10 months dh lived in a different city when he first started his current job. We wanted to be sure the job would stick before we moved. DS was much younger and likely didn't realize the world outside of my breasts but this has still caught me off guard.

post #5 of 11
Thread Starter 

DH's home and ds is back to talking up a storm. While I'm thankful to have my little man back it also makes me concerned for next week.

post #6 of 11

Great news! (Sort of.)


Maybe while he's home you could get your dh to record a video ... of him reading a favourite storybook or some such thing?



post #7 of 11
Thread Starter 

Great idea Miranda! DH did this for 5yo dd a few years ago, before he left for a month long trip over seas.

post #8 of 11
Your DS might be a little young to get this, but with my 3yo, we created a calendar together, and labeled the days that DH had to work & the days he would be home. (No extended absences but he had a really hard time when DH returned to work after a year-long unemployment.) He picked his favorite animal to draw on the days DH is home. smile.gif I think it helped him a TON to be able to visually see that there was a pattern to it and that there WOULD be days when DH would be home to play with him, and to clearly label the days with something (cat) he could grasp onto (Monday Tuesday etc. are kind of abstract still, he understands the days of the week but he understands the concept of 'cat days' even better). It was so helpful. I wonder, since your DH was absent for a long time previously, if in your DS's mind he might never return.

Also agree with making videos of Daddy reading his favorite books, lots of phone calls and/or Skype, maybe a special stuffed toy that Daddy could give him to cuddle with in his absence...
post #9 of 11

I'll second the book "The Invisible String".


Things I did when I went away from my kids for a while once:


gave them a special gift to play with which I'd written "love Mama" on

recorded videos (messages and me reading picture books they like - they can hold it and read along)

had them write on a paper lists of what they did each day (to tell me about it)

sent them letters (I wasn't gone that long, so I had them at the house and they were "delivered" by caretakers)

A countdown to my return

fun stuff for them to do while I was gone


I'm sure there was other stuff, but that is what I remember.  Oh, and the kids saw me off at the airport, and we talked about airplanes and how they work... showed them on a map where I was going...


Your son does sound amazingly intense.  Hugs to both of you!



post #10 of 11

It's normal and understandable for a child to be upset when one parent is away, but refusing to talk is a whole other level of intensity.  I would talk to your pediatrician about this asap.  If the problem continues and doesn't respond to behavioral intervention at home, I would be very concerned about anxiety. 


I'm glad he's feeling better, and I hope your next week goes smoothly.

post #11 of 11
Thread Starter 

I dug out my copy of Living With Intensity and referred to the table "How Do I Know if My Child Needs to See a Psychologist or Therapist?" I have to say, I am concerned.


The table says:

*Are the behaviors in question interfering significantly in school, at home, or elsewhere?

*Are the behaviors causing family difficulties? Have these behaviors resulted in increased tension between you and your spouse?

*Have there been marked changes in the child's eating or sleeping patterns? Or a marked increase in mood changes?


I can say yes to all three of the above.

We're implementing a calendar immediately and will watch for any improvement when dh leaves next week for another 5 day trip.

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