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Can you help me to lose my anxiety about the menopause

post #1 of 3
Thread Starter 


Yesterday, after a discussion group on Dying Well (because I want to, and our baby did), I found myself in our local cafe with three older women.  Just as we began to share our thoughts on the morning’s group, ordering our lattes and teas, one of the women suddenly waved the waitress over with great urgency for some water. Her face was pink and glistening and she seemed bothered.  

“Hot flush?” one of the other women asked sympathetically. 

“Yes, a real strong surge,” she replied.

I felt awkward - these women belonged to a club that I was not a part of, but would one day join.  

Rather shyly I asked, “What does it feel like?”

And then I had the most amazing experience: each of the women shared what hot flushes felt like for them.  Prompted by my tentative questions, they then talked about their experience of menopause.  The stories they told of the transformative effect it had had in their lives made it suddenly sound very appealing - and I’d been rather dreading the loss of my reassuring cycle, the mood swings, the sleeplessness, and hot flushes.


I felt like a little girl being held in my mothers arms. What a gift of encouragement and deeper understanding that those three women gave to me as I approach this next transition.  How I would love to have more of this kind of midwifing into the next stage of my life.


I would really appreciate hearing real and honest - but please not all bad - stories of other women's experience of the menopause years.  

Thank you, Kim

post #2 of 3

I'm sorry I didn't see your post sooner.


For me, it seemed the change was almost instant - on my 50th birthday, my period stopped, I gained 50 pounds, and I started having hot flashes. The physical changes took some getting used to. I am happy not to menstruate, but the other effects were less welcome. There was a little bit of grieving associated with the realization that I will never have another baby. Interestingly, that was more about breastfeeding than any other aspect (as a foster/adoptive/grand parent, I know that babies and children come in all sorts of ways and unexpected times).


At the same time (it has been 4 or 5 years now), I have experienced a new sense of peace. I feel more satisfied and content than I ever did in my earlier years, and I suspect this is as much a hormonal change as a change in my circumstances. By no means do I feel my life is over - I have some retirement plans that are every bit as outrageous and radical as the rest of my life has been. But now I am happy to wait for the time to be right, for all my kids to be grown, for my mom to no longer need me. When I was younger,  I would have been impatient to get on to the next adventure. This is a very relaxed, welcome time of life for me. I believe it is hormonal or neuro-chemical, as really my life is no better or worse than it ever was. My life experiences give me some empathy and wisdom I can share in my job, and I feel good knowing I am passing it on. I would highly recommend this aging business as a great time of life!

post #3 of 3
Thread Starter 

Thank you for your reply.

It was lovely to be reminded that "babies and young children come in all sorts of ways and unexpected times" - I know that is one of my griefs as I contemplate my monthly cycle coming to a close.

What you go on to say is so uplifting and even makes me look forward to it a little.

Thank you so much,


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