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May I join all of you?

post #1 of 4
Thread Starter 


 I have had rather a shock and in short after believing our family to be complete for many reasons we had an ohps and nature was successful in it's creation and so we are now expecting baby #5. 


 My heart is filled with joy and fear and sorrow. A baby is such a joy! However I have health conditions now and some trauma over an event a few years back making me always worry about getting sick and not being able to keep up with everything while my husband is deployed or away for training. (Military family) The sorrow comes in the form of knowing this birth unlike my last two must be at a hospital because of health reasons. I am one of those odd people who love giving birth. I love how it feels. I give birth near silently and powerfully. My last birth while holding my new baby in my arms, my husband holding us both while still in the birthing pool I couldn't help but say "This can't be the last time I do this."  That thought though within 6 months changed, my health took a turn. Diabetes, Fibro, abnormal heart T wave, and possibly Lupus or another immune issue has my specialists all rather confused still. All agreed though, pregnancy is a high risk.


 I really dislike hospital births. I had 4 before my homebirths. My first three having been with an EPI, I thought I could not handle it any other way. With my 4th baby though labor was painless. I knew I was having contractions after my water broke but no pain. so rather than going to the hospital, I went to choir practice. Labor slowed so I worried and went to the hospital, they not believing I was in labor had me wait an hour in the waiting room to be checked. I spent the time singing with my husband and friend through the contractions. Was checked, was at 7, and freaked knowing it was too late for an EPI. Pain hit me, I cried, and was rushed to a room, held down for an IV i did not want while I started to push, and scream, and was out of control having never planned a natural birth. Dr was horrible and mean even about my birthing plan. I managed to think clearly enough to start singing with my husband and friend through labor to try and gain control of my breathing. Baby was in arms 20 minutes later. I learned that labor can be painless as long as I am not scared. So this caused the next two amazing home births because I knew for a fact labor could be painless. I never would have believed it before though honestly if I had not experienced it. 


  Now faced with a hospital birth, the thought alone has me scared and even angry. I am not sure I am strong enough to go without pain meds in a hospital setting. I worry about all the odd things that I want for my baby and labor that are not standard. I blended my placenta and had it raw after my last baby.... I am am not even sure I can get them to release it to me. The two closest hospital do separation care for baby checks every few hours and this is in no way acceptable to me. I do not want my baby measured or weighed or anything till after we nurse and I rather have my DH do them. 


  Sorry for the long ramble. I am really lucky to have an old due date group that is very supportive and knows all this so I hope not to burden anyone else here with my situation. I am feeling rather lost in it all. My husband is thankfully thrilled, one of my best friends that knows now is as well. I need the possitive these days to say the least. 


 So I would like to be here because while my due date is January 6th, my natural babies have all come two weeks early on their own and with my health issues I know the hospital will want to induce by then. (dumb) So my guess date is December 23rd.  


  Wishing us all a happy and healthy pregnancy. I hope you all will not need as much luck as it seems I might in this!. 


post #2 of 4

Hi Kontessa! And welcome!  You sure so have a lot of stuff going on, but you will be welcome here! As for your hospital issues, are there any waivers you would be able to sign to keep baby with you at all times?  Also, are going to get a doula? She would be a giant help in the hospital. You might even look into a doula team for extra support. 

 I hope this pregnancy is easy on you! 

post #3 of 4

(((hugs))) to you Kontessa. I can read your pain and fear in your words.  I will be praying for some way for you to have a peaceful pregnancy and be able to keep your LO with you at all times.

Are there birthing centers near you that might be an option?


I'm glad you are here on the December board with us!

post #4 of 4

Welcome!! I will definitely be sending you positive vibes goodvibes.gif and will keep you in my thoughts and prayers!!!

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