books on AP and GD?

[librarygirl]

Hi everyone,

My fiance and I are going to start TTC as soon as we are married (in 20 days!). I am looking for suggestions on good books on attachment parenting and gentle discipline.

I was raised in an AP style (my mom didn't know that's what it was called but when I described AP to her, she knew exactly what I was talking about) but FI was not. My parents did occassionally swat or spank my sisters and me, but it wasn't often (and I am a big believer in GD).

FI is a different story. From things he and his brother have said, I actually believe their father was physically abusive to them. His mom, while I like her, doesn't believe in boys showing emotion and that they should be "tough". Ex. Last summer we were cleaning up our landscaping and I was holding back a rose bush while FI worked underneath it. It slipped from my hands and actually hit him in the face. I immediately ran to him to check (I was afraid I hit him in the eye). Before he could answer my "are you okay?", his mom snaps, 'oh, I raised him tougher than that, he's fine".

My fiance is a sensitive, kind, caring man but his own parents don't even know that about him (he never lets them see that side of his personality). His sister in law didn't believe me when I said that something his brother said hurt FI's feelings because they seem to think he doesn't even have feelings.

I have voiced my opinion on not ever hitting a child (or a dog), never doing CIO or sleep training, etc and he seems to agree but then he'll say, "okay, but...."

I know i won't ever change my inlaws opinions (but heaven help them if they try to "toughen" up my babes) but my fiance is intelligent and a reader and he wants to be the best father he possibly can. I am looking for some good book recommendations that I could get that we could both read so he isn't just hearing what I'm saying but can read it for himself. 

Good book suggestions for attachment parenting and/or gentle discipline so we can be on the same board before we have kids, rather than falling into bad parenting habits and needing to change them as our kids get older?

[P.J.]

The Baby Book by Dr. Sears, for nitty-gritty baby care basics

Attached at the Heart by Barbara Nicholson and Lysa Parker, for more of an explanation of AP (with lots of research to back it up)

The No-Cry Sleep Solution by Elizabeth Pantley, for alternatives to sleep training

Raising Our Children, Raising Ourselves by Naomi Aldort

Discipline Without Distress by Judy Arnall

Unconditional Parenting by Alife Kohn

Playful Parenting by Lawrence Cohen

[librarygirl]

thank you so much! i'll see what I can get my hands on.

We're in the 2WW right now in the first cycle we've TTC. DH is just sure we're pregnant but I keep telling him not to get too excited. :)

[P.J.]

Good luck! I am the same way as you...I read my first book about discipline when I was 20 weeks pregnant!

I have to be honest though and say I had to go and re-read it all once it was a reality. It is totally different to nod along and think it all makes sense and there is an answer for everything....and then once you have the baby there and are in the thick of it....it's a whole different story somehow.

But anyway it's great to "get ahead" and be prepared (well, as prepared as you can be!).

[CascadiaMama]

I'm currently reading "taking charge: caring discipline that works," and really love it's holistic emphasis of giving your child positive attention during both positive behavior AND neutral behavior (just passing by in the hallway, just sitting and reading, just being), to lessen their "need" to behave negatively in search of attention.

The author explains this much more eloquently than I do: http://www.amazon.com/Taking-Charge-Caring-Discipline-Edition/dp/1889531030

[CascadiaMama]

Also! That book is structured with discussion questions at the end of each chapter, which could prove incredibly useful for you and your partner to have necessary conversations and get to the same page re parenting.

[phathui5]

Positive Discipline for Preschoolers by Jane Nelsen

How to Talk so Kids Will Listen and Listen So Kids Will Talk