This is where is gets complicated. Briefly between his ex-wife and I, he had a one night stand and got a girl pregnant. Long story short, he wasn't permitted by his ex-wife to have ANY contact whatsoever with the lady or the child. He paid child support, and still does. She threatened that if he did see the boy, she would move to North carolina with his kids. His mother also got involved and sent the lady nasty emails pertaining to the pregnancy that my husband is just now finding out about.
The other "baby mama" lived about 7 hours away, so she was okay with it. It seemed less complicated for all (except perhaps the baby)
I knew about this other child from the begenning. She emails every 6 months or so for any updates, and we do provide for him. He is 4 now. Recently, she contacted ME via email. She is unable to support him financially, and he is lacking some essential items such as a bed. I asked for her address and said we would mail him one ( we are by no means well off financially but this is his child and our responsibility) and asked if there was anything else he needed.
She said that she wants us to be a part of the boys life.
This hit me really hard. No doubt I knew about him when we got together, but I was told that he lived far away and the mother didnt want my husband to have contact with him. I feel like we already have a VERY hard time with his ex-wife. Just getting to see the kids is a challenge, and she is always threatening to move away with them. She has a very good lawyer and we have none, so our effots to get this fixed are futile, they just extend or file more paperwork. He does pay very well for all of his children as he should which also makes it difficult for us as we have a 2 year old son.
I feel like I dont want this child to be a part of my life. I know this is horrible to say and I haven't admitted it to anyone. Its not so much the child, as another mother. Another visit day, another woman to possibly fight with. She is living in a trailer up the road from us now. My husband says he knows where I am coming from, but would like to see him now that he has the chance. This is a very sad situation. I just feel like I don't want to share my husband with anymore children. I dont want another woman around and us getting close to this boy and her disappearing too. It is so hard on our son now when the kids constantly miss their visit days because she just didnt feel like dropping them off and we arent aloud to pick them up.
I know it is important for my husband to see his son, but do i jepordize my little family? Do i expose our son to another child that might possibly be temporary? Please dont be mean, these are my honest feelings im not here to be judged, just for a little guidence. Thank you very much =]