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Need Advice from GD mamas

post #1 of 8
Thread Starter 
Hello! Long time lurker and first time poster...hoping someone can give me some advice.

My dd is 3 years old. I don't know how I would describe my parenting philosophies because we baby wore and dd was breastfed until 26 months but we never co-slept and she was Ferber sleep trained. As far as discipline goes, she is aware that as she is getting older there is and will be more expectations from us as far as behavior and maturity goes. We do time outs and take away toys for a few hours or maybe 24 hours depending on the situation, take away privileages and we also have a praise chart that she gets to put stickers on and she gets a little treat every time she gets 15.

I think maybe DH and I got a little lucky because she is an absolutely wonderful child. She's been sleeping from 10pm-7am since she was 5 months old, is a happy and bright child an we are now 3 months accident free on the potty training front! Woo-hoo!

Ok, now my dilemma. We go to a play group once a week and I've become good friends with one of the other moms. She practices AP/GD and loves it. She has told me that her daughter doesn't respond well to criticism so there are few consequences and mostly a lot of talking, cuddling, nurturing, etc...it sounded very nice to me but my own parenting style wasn't broke so why fix it, KWIM? She works p/t and her mom usually watches dd but her mom is now busy on Fridays and she was trying to find a solution. I volunteered to watch her for the 7 hours because it turns out we live near each other and I thought it might be good practice for dd before little bro comes into the world. smile.gif

So we have been into this arrangement for 5 weeks now and OH. MY.
The little girl is a nightmare! I am so used to parenting my own mild mannered, calm child and this is throwing me for a loop. She gets dropped off around 9:30 am and the tantrum begins. Screaming, turning purple, hitting me. I know she's stressed to be in this new environment but I try giving hugs, redirecting her attention but it goes on until she wears herself out and starts demanding a snack. My dd wants no part of this early in the morning and usually stays upstairs and plays by herself lol. After awhile she warms up to the idea of playing with dd but after an hour or so the screaming begins again. Usually a sharing issue. Throwing things, hitting me and dd...she even bit dd two weeks ago! Nap time is a huge issue too. My dd takes a short nap around 2...I make her a little nap pallet in the living room and she pretends to read a book and falls asleep. Well, there is no way I'm getting this other LO down for a nap. I tried the first couple of weeks but was met with more tantrums. So now I don't force the issue but this isn't really working because she will not play quietly and will go over and poke dd or whisper in her here. It's making dd quite cranky in the afternoons.

So how do I approach this. I haven't really said anything to the mom because I don't want this to hurt our friendship. I asked her about the nap schedule and she said that she doesn't really take naps. It's only one day of the week but it's really stressing me out and I really don't want my dd picking up her bad behaviors. I think it's stressing dd too because last Thursday she looked at me sadly and said, "does ---- really have to come over tomorrow?". I am very respectful of other peoples parenting styles so how can I solve this problem in a GD way without compromising my own parenting philosophies?
post #2 of 8

How old is this other child?

post #3 of 8
Thread Starter 
She is 3.5
post #4 of 8

I think sometimes parents think they are the reason that their child behaves well, when in reality its because the child is a "good" kid and follows directions well. Not all kids are like that, and its not much to do with parenting.

post #5 of 8
Thread Starter 
Yes, that's why I said, "I think DH and I got lucky." She just happens to be a good listener and a calm child. I do think it's a little silly to say that parenting has little to do with a child's behavior though. The way you parent has a HUGE impact on your child.

Other lo is the opposite of my dd. I don't know how to respond to her behavior. I want to respect other mom's GD practices while I'm watching her child. What are some solutions?
Edited by nerdmama89 - 5/3/12 at 11:05am
post #6 of 8
Since you mentioned not having spoken to the other mom about it, I would encourage you to talk to her about her daughter's behavior. From what you describe, her behavior sounds within the relm of norrmal but know it can be difficult to deal with if your child is more mellow and/or compliant. Fwiw, I have a son who can be quite challenging. Anyway, not addressing it with the mom and brainstorming ideas together to help both you and her daughter cope could lead to resentment, which could harm your friendship even further. See what ideas she has to offer. Approach it as a "working together for the benefit of all involved" mentality.

As for the nap, would your daughter be ammenable to sleeping in her room so the other girl is not tempted to mess with her?

Sharing stuff--*very* difficult for many kids. I would encourage taking turns and acknowledging feelings.

Throwing toys--the toy gets taken away

Hitting--acknowledging feelings, tell her very briefly hitting is not acceptable, maybe offer a pillow or the sofa to hit instead, and/or perhaps briefly removing self from area (but where you can still watch her) to. "Keep our bodies safe." Hitting is a hard one. My son is a big hitter, esp in anger. Lots of kids has problems with self regulation and impulse control. It can take a lot of time.

Also, this babysitting gig just may not be a good fit with you/your family at this time, and if things cant be worked out, I would gently let your friend know.
post #7 of 8
Thread Starter 
I should talk to the mom. I'm worried about it affecting our relationship but you're right...if I let it go it will only make things worse. I like the nap solution too. I'll try that. Thanks!
post #8 of 8

If you don't want to ruin the friendship, then perhaps you might want to consider just being too busy to babysit?


But I don't think you're being disrespectful of her parenting choices if you say something like, "Hey, your daughter is getting a little fussy during her stay with me. Do you mind if we try the napping thing? I sort of wonder if she's tired."

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