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Queer TTC May 2012 - Page 12

post #221 of 243
Thread Starter 

Sorry about the negative, lovestreet. That does sound like a lot of stress. I hope the break turns things around for you. Good luck!

post #222 of 243

Wishin: Good luck in the final week! Hope you get great news on Friday! Peace.gif BFP!


RS: I'm really sorry. I know it can be hard especially when you have to be extra careful with your DP. I think whether or not to give her space depends on how she usually is with things of this nature. Personally, I would like the space and time to process things, but some people are just the opposite. You know her best, I'd say go with your gut feeling.


Carmen: I have been trying (unsuccessfully) to track my CM, and have been recording my temperature this month. I think I should be looking for a jump in my temp to happen, but that hasn't yet. Maybe tomorrow morning?


AFM: Just beginning the loooong TWW.

post #223 of 243

rs- I'm so sorry. I don't have a whole lot of advice for DP, but I echo what someone said earlier- let her be sad, and have her feelings. For me, the most painful part of my previous TTC process was people telling me that I shouldn't get so upset about things. She may just need to be heard and validated in order to move on emotionally past this roadblock. I will also say that when I was TTC my daughter, I got pregnant the first time I tried, and then had an early loss. The loss was very, very sad, but what was even worse was the FOUR CYCLES OF BFNs that followed. Logically I knew that it was possible for me to get pregnant, since it had happened once before, but going through those four cycles of negatives was soul-crushing, and made me doubt so much about my body. And, I had no fertility coverage and was a broke grad student (I actually took out a student loan to pay for sperm). So, yes, you are right, four cycles isn't a long time in fertility speak, but it's an eon in the emotions that accompany the TTC process. I did finally get a BFP on the fifth cycle after my miscarriage (sixth total cycle), which turned into my amazing daughter. Keep the faith. It will happen. But it's so hard along the way. (Oh, also, if you or anyone is curious, the ONLY thing I did differently in the two BFP cycles was use donors with higher sperm counts. Both were above 45 million, one significantly higher. I have no idea if this is what did the trick, or if it was just luck, but I like to mention it since it was the one variable that I noticed.)

carmen- I'm sorry this wasn't your cycle. Hugs.


Lovestreet- I'm sorry. What a crappy, stressful month. I had one of those last cycle too, which also ended in a BFN. I consoled myself by thinking that I wouldn't want my child to be conceived in the midst of such turmoil. I hope you close on your house ASAP and enjoy the process of making it your own! I love painting, redecorating, etc. Here's hoping that July will be the month that brings you lots to celebrate.


Wanna- Welcome to the two week wait! Fingers crossed for you.


AFM- We spent an awesome weekend in Asheville with my sister. Did some hiking, ate lots of great food, and had some nice family time. I don't feel pregnant, and I'm pretty sure this cycle will end in a BFN, but I don't really care right now, which feels nice. The past two cycles I've been CONVINCED both times that I was pregnant, had crazy symptoms all the way through, and then, nothing. So, I'm happy to be in a somewhat zen place for now (though of course, we'll see how long it lasts).

post #224 of 243

Hey everyone!


I'm super behind on personals - sorry about that :( But I want to give a hug2.gif to rs11, carmen and lovestreet. Thinking of you all.


Welcome to PhotoGirl! and a BIG HELLO wave.gifto everyone else!


AFM - so the spotting finally stopped and things started to look like they were following the normal pattern - just later than usual. The opk's were getting darker but no positive by CD15 - we were debating on whether or not to send the tank back and just call it for this month since it wasn't looking hopeful. We didn't want to hold on to the swimmers only to never get to use them, try to send them back and have the tank lose the freeze on the way there. So we decided to see how things were looking on Saturday morning and if it wasn't good, we'd take the tank to the UPS store that afternoon. Well Saturday morning comes and the opk is definitely the darkest it had been, cervix was getting softer and cm was thinning...we went back and forth and decided last minute to keep them and take the chance. Well good thing! 100% positive opk at 11pm Saturday night! So we did an insem Sunday at 4pm and again yesterday morning at 8am - so about 17 and 33 hours past - that wasn't particularly intentional, it was just how the scheduling worked out. During the second one my wife said my cervix was the most open she had ever seen it! It was super high and soft and the ew was plentiful. I'm pretty sure o happened yesterday afternoon making me feel pretty good about our timing. I can't believe it was CD18!! That has never happened to me before. Fingers crossed and can I please be moved to 'waiting to know'? Thanks!

post #225 of 243

Hi everybody. Hope you had a good weekend.


rs11, Carmen, and lovestreet -- I am very sorry to hear about the BFNs.


rs11 - My guess is that your partner needs a little grieving time before moving on. (although maybe by today she has already gotten past that stage). I know very well that after several BFNs it starts to feel like pregnancy is another world, something that will never happen. But we have to forge ahead!


Carmen - re the speculum. Your second thought may be right, that it's not really necessary. But it's not a bad idea. I have used one to view my cervix, though not to insem. I use a hand mirror to see. It seems like you could adjust the spec until it's dead center, and then you'd know where to aim. I do think, though, that you would probably have to leave the speculum in for a long time to prevent pulling the sperm out.


Welcome to photogirl.


AFM: Today is my third day taking Clomid, first cycle trying it. Yesterday I was a little irritable and slightly depressed, but not any more than with occasional PMS. Holding my breath for my FSH and estradiol results, expected tomorrow.

post #226 of 243

Hello All!!!


I am new to this site in general. Was really seeking out support as my partner and I are preparing to begin IUI in August. I do have to say that I was a little naive about this process and the difficulties that we face when trying to accomplish all of our pregnancy goals. I am in a bit of shell shock and wonder if I shouldn't get my hopes up about being able to make this happen?!? I dunno... We don't have unlimited resources to be able to put into this mission. And, then should I have some sort of limit as to how many times we try? I am feeling a little scared and very confused right now. I will keep following you ladies and put one foot in front of the other for now.


Thanks for listening!

post #227 of 243

Welcome BlueDaisy!  I sort of feel like the more you know going into the process of TTC, the better (and we've found that knowledge has made my wife and I much better advocates for ourselves).   But, I hope the knowing of how hard TTC can be doesn't rob you of your hope.  There are folk who get pregnant quickly and easily (yes, even lesbians ;) but, those folk don't tend to hang out for long periods of time on TTC forums or dwell on it extensively in TTC blogs!  At one point we had a sticky of folks telling their "how I got pregnant" stories--but when the website changed that seems to have disappeared.  Does anyone know what happened to that sticky?   


RS11--I hope your partner is feeling a bit better...I always find that it is really hard to support my own partner when we are in different places in the process of processing the experience.  Hugs.  


AFM, still hanging out in the TWW...it's SO different being the non-gestational partner in the TWW (from my own experience).  I find that I actually don't think of it very often and it's much less all consuming.  It's kind of a relief actually to be able to be the support person in this...

post #228 of 243

Figured we might as well say hi now, too, even though we will also be trying in August for the first time.


I'm FTM, my wife is cisgendered, and we'll be doing IUI with fresh donor sperm from a known donor.  She's been charting for a month, but this is all new territory for us, so who knows how it will go.

post #229 of 243

Welcome.gifBlueDaisy and easttowest!  Good luck to you!  We look forward to getting to know you better and would be happy to help with any preparation/charting questions.


easttowest -- just a clarification question--Are you planning on doing ICI (Intracervical Insemination) at home yourselves with fresh sperm not IUI (Intrauterine Insemination)?  IUI can only be done with sperm that has been washed.


Early preparation is always good.  Charting a few months ahead of time helps you recognize the signs that come before ovulation so that you can time your inseminations better.  TTC can be a daunting task because we have so many aspects to coordinate, but it can definitely work! 

post #230 of 243

pokeycip - There is exactly one place that we found that will do IUI with fresh sperm (they are licensed to do so).

post #231 of 243

easttowest- I assumed you were doing it at home since you were using a known donor.  I was wrong.  That's great that you found a place that will do the IUI's with fresh from a KD.  That is pretty rare.  In what part of the world are you?

post #232 of 243

Lovestreet: I'm sorry about the BFN. :( I hope the next cycle is it for you.


Wannab: Good luck! Fx for you!


Angela: Awesome! I love Asheville. We'll be there in September for my BIL's wedding. It's one of the greatest places on earth.


MrsP: It sounds like your timing was spot on! You have a really great chance this month.


Outdoorsy: Good luck with the clomid. My symptoms didn't get really bad until after I stopped taking it.


Wishing: I hope you get a BFP in the next few days!


Blue Daisy and EasttoWest: Welcome!


AFM: DW is doing MUCH better. She did just need some time to grieve and process. I'm still waiting on AF; if she doesn't show up by Friday, I'll take another test, but even if it was positive I would only expect it be a chemical or ectopic.


We have a plan now, which always makes me feel better. We're going to take 3 months off to rest and save some more money. Then we'll have an HSG to make sure my tubes are clear. If that's good, we'll try 2-3 more times either on or own or with IUIs (we haven't worked that part out yet). If we're still not pregnant at that point, we'll consider switching to DW (only if she's lost a significant amount of weight, though), or consider IVF or adoption. My RE only charges $6600 for a round of IVF, plus meds, so we could probably swing that if we saved up enough. I also found a couple of adoption agencies that will work with gay and lesbian clients; they're not cheap, but they have a sliding scale and "only" charge people in our income bracket a little under $13000, which is outrageous, but doable with a few years of saving. Most of the agencies we looked at before wanted $30-50k, which is out of our reach. If we get to the point of either IVF or adoption, we'll also ask my FIL for help and try to do some fundraising.

post #233 of 243

pokeycip - No worries!  We decided to give ourselves the best shot by doing IUI, and fresh sperm gives an even better chance of pregnancy.  Our known donor is not local, so he'll have to ship overnight, and I'm quite worried about how the timing of everything will work out, but we'll see after the first go around.  We're in our twenties (so is the donor), so hopefully that will be in our favor.


We're in your part of the world!

post #234 of 243

Also, welcome Easttowest, bluedaisy, and photogirl!  May your stays here be short and sweet.


easttowest, I think it's smart to do an IUI if you're having to ship the sperm overnight. Congrats on finding a friendly doctor! Also, my partner is ftm, so I'm always happy to see other trans families here!


bluedaisy, TTC is such a crapshoot. Some people get pregnant right away, and some people have much longer, more challenging processes. You just don't know until you start to try. I answered your post on the other thread, but I'll say here that some factors you might consider are how old you are (or your partner- whoever is going to carry), where you're getting your sperm (frozen from a bank vs. a known donor), how regular your cycles are, and how confident you feel in tracking them. If you're young with regular cycles that you're able to track on your own, doing a couple tries on your own is reasonable, though some people prefer to start out at the doctor's office and make sure everything looks good before spending lots of $$ on sperm. Are you charting? That will help you get a sense of things.

post #235 of 243

Lovestreet - I'm sorry about the BFN.  It does sound like you have had a very stressful month.  It makes a lot of sense to skip a month when you have a lot going on and wait until you are less stressed.  I have done it, and I'm glad I did.  I hope you are feeling better soon. Congratulations on moving into the new house!  That's very exciting!


easttowest - Howdy neighbor!  Sounds like you have a great plan.  The logistics can drive you crazy but I'm sure everything will work out fine.


rs--  I'm glad DW is feeling better and that you have a new plan.  I hope your break is restful and productive.


outdoorsy - I hope you are feeling well and everything is progressing smoothly with this cycle and the Clomid.


MrsPP - Fingers crossed for you!  That all sounds good!


Angela and Wishin' - Fingers still crossed tightly for you!  I hope your weeks go well.  dust.gifto all!

post #236 of 243

EasttoWest: really curious as to where you're located and who is "licensed" to inseminate IUI with fresh sperm. Pokey states, "Howdy Neighbor" so I'm thinking Bay Area and you're talking about Rainbow Flag as the insemination clinic. But just to be clear, it's actually not legal anywhere in the U.S. to inseminate with fresh, untested sperm. But the guy from Rainbow Flag does it anyway and takes his chances. The FDA has gone after him a number of times. I know all this because one of my original KDs is under order from the FDA to stop giving fresh sperm donations so I've learned quite a bit about what's legal and what's not. Also, I am in the middle of working with a law firm to file a case in California Supreme Court on this particular issue (the FDA's legal ban on the use of fresh sperm) so that a precedence can be set for all future cases.


Will you be doing more than one insemination? Studies have shown that fresh sperm IUIs show no increase in pregnancy rates than fresh sperm ICIs, but the overall advantage of fresh sperm is the number of times you are able to inseminate per cycle, thus having a better chance of hitting when the egg is released. Hopefully you will be able to do more than one IUI per cycle.


Sorry for barging in with a bunch of questions but I'm quite interested in the legal aspect of all this and why someone would state they are licensed to do a fresh sperm IUI.




PS Thanks to all for the birthday wishes. 40 ain't so bad. IVF starts in about 3 weeks. Yikes.

post #237 of 243



Yikes.  Thanks for the info.  Your assumptions are correct (as to where we are and who we are using).  His website states he is licensed, but I guess it never states he is specifically licensed to do IUI with fresh sperm.  The cost is so much less than if we had to process our donor through a sperm bank, freeze sperm, wait six months (or waive the waiting period), etc.  We could just do ICI at home, but going through a third party means our donor will be tested, the sperm will be tested, and all the legal stuff will be handled.  So that's our thinking, although now I'm not sure.  What are the reasons that fresh sperm IUI is banned?


August seemed so far away, but now the logistics are creeping up on me.  Especially with our donor 3000 miles away, it seems like this will never happen!  If he was nearby, we would just try at home a few times a cycle and hope it eventually happens, but we'll have to pay to ship sperm each and every time we try.

post #238 of 243

EasttoWest: yes, he's licensed to do IUIs so that's probably what that means when you see it on his website. We almost used him but when I read that there was no increased value in doing an IUI with fresh sperm, we just did ICIs at home with our KDs. But our KDs live within 50 miles of us so our options were different than yours are. You do realize your donor can be tested and have his sperm tested without going through a clinic/Rainbow Flag, right? You are correct in that you get a legal buffer when the sperm is handed off to a third party who inseminates, however since it's technically not legal to inseminate with untested sperm, you could always run into the same legal issues that any of us are prone to running into using a KD.


But with your donor 3,000 miles away, maybe this is more comfortable for all of you? It's still cheaper to have him send his sperm at least twice than it is to get frozen sperm and pay for an IUI in an office setting. This process is all about timing. It is very difficult to pinpoint ovulation and even the best of us are still taking a big guess as there is no way to know for sure. How confident are you guys in pinpointing ovulation now without even doing inseminations? Get that down as soon as you can. Have you read Stephanie Brill's book, "Guide to Lesbian Conception?" It is very good at explaining what you need to do.


I'm not saying it's not impossible to do it with limited knowledge and the way you plan on doing it, but with a lot of combined experience on this board I can tell you that it is a small percentage of people who can get away with that and still get pregnant. The more you know, the faster to a possible pregnancy it will be!


To answer your question on the reasons fresh sperm is banned. Sperm is considered tissue and is controlled by the FDA who cares about infectious diseases. They would prefer to know that every sperm you inseminate into yourself does not contain disease. But the only way to do this (because of HIV's latency period) is to quarantine the sperm for six months and then release it to you for use. It's kind of bologna because straight people don't have to do this but when someone is "giving" you their sperm and he's not your "partner, boyfriend and/or husband" it puts it into a category that the government regulates. Therefore, Mr. Rainbow Flag is inseminating sperm that could contain disease and therefore, is potentially spreading diseases that the government wishes to eradicate/control.



post #239 of 243

Just hopping in briefly about shipping the fresh stuff.


We did that (from the opposite coasts to you, easttowest), and you could also consider splitting the sample and doing two insems with it. The swimmers stay alive for a while on ice with the buffer (up to 96 hours, some say), so you could definitely do that to up your chances a bit. We did that once and ended up pregnant (though that was also one in a string of losses for us...for unrelated reasons).


Just wanted to throw another possibility out there.


And also, I'll confirm that doing ICI with the shipped fresh goods is easy enough, if you wanted to forego the third party IUI.


Best of luck, all!

post #240 of 243

Hi everyone! I'm 8dpo today, and I've been having some slight cramping since 6dpo. However, since I've had crazy symptoms every month we've tried, that have always ended in a BFN, I don't feel too hopeful. Just trying to keep my expectations low... I woke up in a cold sweat this morning, something that usually only happens when I'm getting my period, which certainly didn't make me feel any better.


If we're not pregnant this time, we're taking a month off because we've got lots of June travel planned. First up is a trip to Minneapolis. We'll be at a wedding over the weekend, and then will stay for a few days after to visit with an old grad school friend. So, suggestions about best things to do in or near Minneapolis? Ideally we'd spend one or two days doing cool stuff in the city, and at least one day doing something fun and naturey. And, we'll have our almost-four year old with us.


Anyone else have any fun travel plans this summer?

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