I am putting this here because it covers so many things: Special Needs, Gifted Child, etc.
DS is 5yo and just finishing up his Kindergarten year. It has been a tumultuous year for all of us.
He has been in in-school suspension several times (including today, which I will get to below). He has been in out-of-school suspension once. The reasons for this are varied, and I will list them with all the details.
He is currently undergoing evaluation, which has been extended to include testing on the Autism spectrum, and the discussion of which has been rescheduled twice (after we show up, no less).
One of the evaluation team told me that they tested his IQ, and it's at 130. They didn't realize that one of the students that DS has had trouble with (who is on meds for ADD, etc.) is also in DS's daycare and they have very few problems there.
DS does have some "signs" of Autism, but I don't think that's what's going on. He does not obsess about things, he has no avoidance of touch or contact from others, and he has no trouble communicating his thoughts.
He has told me and his gramma that the teacher hates him and she tells the other students that he's bad. I have seen notes on his schoolwork that I can only describe as bitter or snarky and clearly addressed to DS, not to me ("Didn't write your name. This is not first grade behavior!"). I feel this stuff should be addressed to the child as a conversation, not as a note on paper.
DS frequently mentions that if he loses his recess privileges, he is either required to sit in class with his head down or forced to run between soccer goal-nets during the recess time - he isn't allowed to stop. The first is somewhat acceptable, though I know it doesn't work for DS (he is definitely an active-alert/kinetic child). The second, however, seems a little extreme to me (please provide feedback on this, as I don't want to overreact on it).
When DS gets into trouble, from what I've seen/heard, he goes to an office and the counselor draws pictures to explain what happened. Good for visual learners, I'm sure - I've suggested role-play for DS as a kinetic learner.
He has been "failing" music all year because he doesn't sing and do the movements when he's told to. At home, he shows us the songs he's learned.
In summary, DS is very active, but will focus. He is touchy and social and communicative. He is intense and considers every situation an opportunity to negotiate. He uses logic and reasoning to make his 5yo point. He has a very high intellect, but he is a bit low on the social skills.
He seems to get frustrated when people don't understand or listen to what he's trying to say. He sometimes assumes understanding of things that he is familiar with but that the person he is talking to may not know (ie, he asks about shows that he watches at daycare that I've never seen, he talks about "that one" object). I would love some feedback on how age-appropriate this is for him - I feel it is reasonable, but I could be wrong.
As to why he gets into trouble, just the stick-out examples:
- He got sent home for biting a girl. He was given a long talk about why it was wrong, etc. by both the school and by us. The school focused a lot on the fact that he would not admit what had happened, which in my understanding is pretty age-appropriate, if unacceptable. At home, I circumvented his argument by telling him I would not listen to him say it didn't happen. He eventually told me why he bit her - he was trying to tell her something that he felt was important and she was avoiding him. We then discussed why biting her was not the appropriate response and what he could have done instead.
- He lost recess for getting out of his chair and moving it so he could look through the hole in the back. I don't even know what to say about this one.
- He pushed a boy for cutting in line. We discussed why pushing was not the appropriate response and what he could have done instead.
- Today. Today, I almost cried. Today, I got a call from the school. DS was in in-school suspension for pulling down his pants (and underwear) in defiance of the teacher. (He told me just a bit ago that he had given the right answer, but the teacher didn't hear him and made him go work on "popcorn" words instead of playing the word game he likes.) In age/intellect-appropriate language, we talked to him about the problems that come from being labeled a sex offender, about how the school could think that his family is causing him to do this and he could get taken away, about how he wouldn't be able to invite his school-friends to his birthday party in July because parents won't let their kids go to parties for boys who pull down their pants. We didn't pull any punches on this one. We also have him writing a note to the teacher explaining that he knows how wrong his behavior was and that he understands the consequences.
I just don't know what else to do. Taking things away from him doesn't phase him. He entertains himself during timeouts. Food and gramma are the only things that he will even get more than temporarily upset about - and my mother undermines the punishments when that happens. Also, he goes to gramma's mostly so I can attend events/festivals where my store is vending at.
I think I've covered all the big stuff... I'm sure I've missed something. I know there's something wrong, but I can't figure out what it is (except for the fact that this school system is NOT the best environment for DS).