Importance of postpartum care - article « Back to Group Discussions

[rozziemama]

I found this one on mothering.com. Thought we should all read and share: http://mothering.com/pregnancy-birth/mothering-mother-importance-after-birth-care

[rozziemama]

Someone posted this one on FB this morning and I thought they paired up depressingly well: http://www.forbes.com/sites/lizgarcia/2012/04/30/media-obsession-with-celebrity-postpartum-bodies-is-part-of-the-war-on-women

[shastalily]

Originally Posted by rozziemama 

I found this one on mothering.com. Thought we should all read and share: http://mothering.com/pregnancy-birth/mothering-mother-importance-after-birth-care

Great article.  It is interesting the contrast in our society on the views of the mother in the postpartum period versus other cultures.  It would sure be nice to have someone to cook and clean and give me daily massages for a month.  :-)  I think I will get about a week to recover and bond with baby, then it will quickly move back to "normal".  *sigh*  Anyone know if there is a ready made herbal after birth bath you can buy as well as the tea?  I don't have any of those herbs on hand and don't really want to buy all those things separately.  It does sound very healing though.  Also good to know about calcium & magnesium for after birth pains.  I remember getting those pretty badly for days.  I'm already taking that for muscle spasms/cramping so now I know to continue.

[cristeen]

I completely agree with the first article.  I totally can't overemphasise the importance of support in the pp period.  My MW and I were discussing it last night, because I've lined up a fair bit of support this time, which is so completely different than it was with DS.  With him I had zero support, since even DH went back to work at 1 week pp.  And it took me 18 months to realize I was dealing with PPD.  I so do not want to do that again.  That was awful. 

[shastalily]

Originally Posted by rozziemama 

Someone posted this one on FB this morning and I thought they paired up depressingly well: http://www.forbes.com/sites/lizgarcia/2012/04/30/media-obsession-with-celebrity-postpartum-bodies-is-part-of-the-war-on-women

Another great article.  It makes me sick how much praise is given to these celebrities for their quick return to their slim pre-baby figure.  It feels like such a put-down to the rest of us with normal postpartum weight loss.  Too much attention is put on the abnormal and it can really make the rest of us feel like we are taking too long to lose the weight and get down on ourselves.  There is such a range of normal on how long it takes to get back to our pre-pregnancy state.  I have seen women a couple months after giving birth look like they were hardly pregnant, but three weeks?!  Wow.  I wish we didn't have this mentality to compare ourselves to others.  I know it's hard for me not to be jealous of those whose weight slips off quickly, and if I'm not careful I feel like a failure if mine doesn't slip off as fast.  I'm sure a lot of it has to do with how much weight our bodies put on in the first place and since mine likes to put on 50ish pounds I have a lot to lose.  Having had 3 babies, I know I definitely follow more of the guideline of "it took 9 months to put it on, it takes 9 mo. (or a year+ in my case) to take it off.  My weight slowly slips off and the last 10-20 lbs seem to hang on through breastfeeding so it usually takes me over a year to get back to my normal.

[shastalily]

I had PPD with my babies too.  The first one sounds similar to your experience.  I didn't realize that was what I had and my dh at the time was completely oblivious.  It was awful.  After I got through it, I realized what I had gone through and told myself to get help with the next baby.  When I started feeling that way again, I got help through my midwife and used Zoloft which really helped.  This time I'm thinking I will try the placenta capsules first and hope I don't need Zoloft or another Anti-depressant but wouldn't hesitate to use that again if needed.

Originally Posted by cristeen 

I completely agree with the first article.  I totally can't overemphasise the importance of support in the pp period.  My MW and I were discussing it last night, because I've lined up a fair bit of support this time, which is so completely different than it was with DS.  With him I had zero support, since even DH went back to work at 1 week pp.  And it took me 18 months to realize I was dealing with PPD.  I so do not want to do that again.  That was awful. 

[rozziemama]

I am really worried about PPD. I was pretty down for the first year or so with DS. It wasn't by the book PPD per se, so I didn't really recognize it as such. Now, I have a fabulous therapist who I've been seeing for the past year or so. It took too long for me to find her. But it certainly has helped.

I am just worried because a lot of my baby blues was related to my relationship with DH. Who is a wonderful, caring, present father. But he also has a bit of a problem admitting that he is tired, or that maybe we should say no to some social stuff, or not host a big party, or maybe it will be hard for me if he goes away with his guy friends for the weekend.... anyway... I just worry because I already see some of that stuff coming up now. And the baby isn't even born yet.

I wanted him to read the post partum article. But he hasn't yet. I don't know if it will help - but there is part of me that feels like DH expects me to bounce back to my pre pregnancy self- not physically but mentally - and that's just impossible.

So, I'd love to be able to avoid marital strife, baby blues, and take it really easy and peacefully and gently during the post partum period - even though I know much of life will have to stay the same for DS, I hope hope hope we can be good to each other in the sleep deprived, challenging adjustment phase.

I am also counting on the season a bit here - spring/summer post partum feels much healthier than late fall/winter last time.  Here's hoping.
 

[cristeen]

Originally Posted by rozziemama 

I am just worried because a lot of my baby blues was related to my relationship with DH. Who is a wonderful, caring, present father. But he also has a bit of a problem admitting that he is tired, or that maybe we should say no to some social stuff, or not host a big party, or maybe it will be hard for me if he goes away with his guy friends for the weekend.... anyway... I just worry because I already see some of that stuff coming up now. And the baby isn't even born yet.

Oh, this must be so tough.  I have to say that this is a place where my DH excels... the social stuff, anyway (he's improved with the tired since we had DS).  This time around we have everything arranged so that he has no life for a minimum of 4 mos pp.  Even his school obligations can be put off until then.  I even sent out an email yesterday announcing to all the family that we will be hosting a Thanksgiving potluck this year because we will not be traveling.  Everyone is welcome to join us, with food in hand, but I'm not going anywhere and I'm not cooking more than a turkey.  We don't do December holidays, so I don't have to stress about those.  And worse comes to worst, I hit up friends and family to help clean in the weeks leading up to Thanksgiving. 

I have to say I'm really grateful for the fact that my DH doesn't schedule anything, even poker night, without talking to me first. 

[rozziemama]

Cristeen - was it always that way or did you two have to negotiate to get there? 

I like the Thanksgiving potluck idea. 

My big thing is that I do NOT do well when sleep deprived (I mean, who does, really, but I am especially bad)... I need a lot of nurturing and support. And I am also pretty bad at asking for support. Oy. Bad combo.

Originally Posted by cristeen 

Oh, this must be so tough.  I have to say that this is a place where my DH excels... the social stuff, anyway (he's improved with the tired since we had DS).  This time around we have everything arranged so that he has no life for a minimum of 4 mos pp.  Even his school obligations can be put off until then.  I even sent out an email yesterday announcing to all the family that we will be hosting a Thanksgiving potluck this year because we will not be traveling.  Everyone is welcome to join us, with food in hand, but I'm not going anywhere and I'm not cooking more than a turkey.  We don't do December holidays, so I don't have to stress about those.  And worse comes to worst, I hit up friends and family to help clean in the weeks leading up to Thanksgiving. 

I have to say I'm really grateful for the fact that my DH doesn't schedule anything, even poker night, without talking to me first. 

[cristeen]

Originally Posted by rozziemama 

Cristeen - was it always that way or did you two have to negotiate to get there? 

I like the Thanksgiving potluck idea. 

My big thing is that I do NOT do well when sleep deprived (I mean, who does, really, but I am especially bad)... I need a lot of nurturing and support. And I am also pretty bad at asking for support. Oy. Bad combo.

A little of each, I think.  There was a time when he would plan things and then tell me after the fact.  After a few big rows though, he learned that wasn't going to fly for me.  He's gotten so much better about it since DS arrived, too.  Which in part I think is because of his own daddy issues, and wanting to be there for his kids. 

I'm also terrible at asking for help, which is part of the reason I spent so long in a deep dark PPD with him not noticing.  I've really been working on that for myself the last 6 mos.  I'm even terrible at accepting help when it's offered, another thing I've been having to work on.  Having DS in therapy has actually been so helpful for that for some reason.  I have people here 5 hours/day, just to help me with DS, and it's an interesting dynamic. 

[rozziemama]

That is exactly what our issue is - the planning and telling me after the fact. Just not going to be ok this time around.

I am sure your situation with your DS has helped in an interesting way... I truly hope I can do a better job of asking for and accepting offers of help when I suddenly am a mother of two....

One challenge is also that my closest family members are all totally crazy in laws and the family that is most loving and helpful is farthest away

Originally Posted by cristeen 

A little of each, I think.  There was a time when he would plan things and then tell me after the fact.  After a few big rows though, he learned that wasn't going to fly for me.  He's gotten so much better about it since DS arrived, too.  Which in part I think is because of his own daddy issues, and wanting to be there for his kids. 

I'm also terrible at asking for help, which is part of the reason I spent so long in a deep dark PPD with him not noticing.  I've really been working on that for myself the last 6 mos.  I'm even terrible at accepting help when it's offered, another thing I've been having to work on.  Having DS in therapy has actually been so helpful for that for some reason.  I have people here 5 hours/day, just to help me with DS, and it's an interesting dynamic.