I'm about to start CIO tonight...at the end of my rope for 9 month old!

[anitakidcrazy]

Really...I never thought I would be to this point.  I consider myself a "hard-core" attachment parent.  My first child, who is now 4 years old, was worn 24/7 and we have co-slept with her always...still do.  Actually, my husband does and I sleep with the baby in a separate bed.  I've nursed them both when they desired....the first one until she was 3 1/2 years old.  

I feel like I am crumbling apart.  This boy, the 9 month old, is wearing me out!  Well...I should say that they both are....my 4 year old, during the day, is super high needs...very spirited and requires LOTS of attention.  She doesn't play independently unless we have a friend over.  Otherwise, it's "mama, what do you want to do next"...."what do you want to play?".  I have actually learned to have patience and acceptance for her temperament and have become quite skilled at including her in everything and playing pretend while I cook/clean/etc..  But, I do lose my patience when I am so lacking in sleep!  I am more of an introvert where I process thoughts internally and talk myself through the day, whereas, she is an extrovert and talks non-stop and processes everything verbally....this also wears me out!    

So...my little lovey boy, the 9 month old, is a gem during the day (even despite the lack of sleep)!  He's happy and laid back, plays so independently on the floor for long periods, lets me know when he's done, and I put him on my back.  Naps...I nurse him to sleep in the glider and sometimes have to "walk" him to sleep.  He's always been a 30-40 minute napper....just two times a day now.  Occasionally, he'll go for 1 1/2 hours.  He's doing all kinds of new, cute stuff....pulling himself up to standing, clapping, kissing and waving "bye-bye", so I'm sure this is contributing to his sleep wakings.  He is a VERY energetic one...always kicking and moving his legs and very aware of his environment...sensitive to any amount of noise, movement, smell, etc..  He is also teething...has 6 teeth now and 2 of those are still coming in.  So...lots of reasons to wake.    

The challenge lies in that he will not go to sleep at night without me and wakes every hour throughout the night.  This actually isn't so bad.  My first also woke every hour until the age of 2 years 3 months when I night weaned her, but at least she went right back to sleep.  Little one is so "wild" when he wakes...flailing his legs and arms and nurses for 30 minutes.  So...by the time I fall back asleep, he is up again in 30 minutes.  It is brutal!!!!  With #1, I was able to take naps during the day and share the load with my hubby more fairly.  Now...my husband's job is more demanding.  He comes home around 6pm for dinner and starts older DD's routine around 6:45 and with her until 8:30pm, then has to come down and work.  By this point, DS, the 9 month old, is also very tired.  I nurse him to sleep and he goes down (we just moved his crib to his bedroom a few days ago) for about 30 minutes and then up again.  He will not go down again...even with nursing and rocking, until I am ready to go to bed.  And then, the nursing all night long marathon begins!  

I nurse him lots during the day....probably 6-8 times...and offer him LOTS.  He's eating some...atleast one meal a day, but I am not very routine about it.  In fact, routines are quite difficult with such lack of sleep.  I feel like I am dragging along all day!  My husband can't wear him while he works at night because my son demands movement.  This is doable during the day because I can prepare meals, clean and do lots while moving.  He loves being in motion!  And...I haven't fed him any gluten, grains, dairy, eggs, soy, corn, peanuts, sugar, legumes, citrus, yeast, or nightshades, so I don't think there are any foods contributing to his wakings.   

So...I am exhuasted!  I know, philosophically and biologically, that CIO is unhealthy and disrupts the parent/child attachment.  I am just to the point of not knowing what to do and weepy from lack of sleep and, quite frankly, unsafe!  I don't feel like I can drive safely and I sometimes cuss to the universe at night because I am so frustrated by being woken up over and over!  Something has got to give!!!  

I borrowed "Good Night, Sleep Tight" from the library and this is the strategy I am considering.  It's a more gentle CIO method IMO, but I still feel conflicted about it.  I do think my DS will sleep better on his own because he is so easily aroused.  I will also sleep well because I don't sleep well with others.  I have the "No Cry Sleep Solution" and have tried the strategies in there to no avail.  

Do you have any advice?  There becomes a fine line where the mother's needs are not getting met and, although the children's needs are, something has to change.  

Typing this all out is helpful.  Maybe I can get my husband to use the "Good Night, Sleep Tight" method for my 4 year old and then help with the little one?  I don't know.  I am SO tired!  

[Super~Single~Mama]

Hmm - the first thing that jumps out at me is teething. If he's teething, are you giving Motrin at bedtime? If not, do it. Tylenol NEVER helped my ds, who had horrible teething pain (I'm serious, teething was HELL with him - pure HELL).

Second, can you swaddle him? He's meeting tons of developmental milestones, which means less sleep - in a big way.

Third, he might not be getting enough calories during the day (not your fault!!) because he's so busy meeting his milestones. Can you take him into a super quiet, dark room when you nurse him so that he gets more milk, and maybe focuses better? Or start offering solids like avocado and veggies cooked in olive oil? Or nut butters of some kind that are full of calories? He's pretty young, so that would be a last resort, but my ds needed SO MANY calories that was the only way to get them in him (there were times that I fed him spoonfuls of peanut butter before bed so that he would sleep better, he was older though, maybe 15months).

I know its hard. My ds is 3yo and is still not a very good sleeper. He now goes through periods of sleeping great, and periods of not sleeping at all. It's hard, many many hugs to you.

[Taximom5]

Is he warm enough? I think attached babies are used to a lot of warmth, and wake because they miss the warmth and heartbeat.

We found this out when we took care of our neighbor's dog for a week. The dog slept with #1 son (to his delight)--and it was the first time he ever slept through the night without me and/or hubs. (He held the dog all night--the dog was pretty delighted, too.). I wouldn't recommend this for a 9-month-old, though (our son was older).

We tried a modified CIO, and just couldn't do it. It didn't seem to us to be any different that locking our kid in the car, smiling, and saying, you're okay, just stay there." But that was us. Every mom/child has different needs/limits. Go with what feels right to YOU--if Mama ain't happy, ain't NOBODY happy!

I also agree with the possibility of hunger waking him, especially if he's very active. Maybe a meal or snack before bed? We did avocado, sweet potatoes, grilled salmon, rice (made with a lot of water), and tofu (not all at once) at that age.

[SustainablParentng]

What's your baby's diaper situation like at night? Sometimes they have to pee and start holding it at night and it makes them more restless. This may sound crazy to people who do not EC but it can be a huge factor in night waking. I did not do EC with my ds but when I started peeing him at night be would go back to sleep and sleep more soundly for longer stretches at night. For US it ended our marathon night nursing sessions - and decreased the frequency of night waking.

Just another factor to maybe consider... good luck!!

[anitakidcrazy]

Thanks for your kind time and thoughts.  

We, my husband and I, talked a lot options today and came up with a plan and it worked so well, so far....I can't believe it! 

We got both of the kiddos ready for bed, brushed teeth and read books.  He took the baby and I took the older one....

I very simply told DD (after books were read....felt that it would be too dramatic if we told her ahead of time since kids this age tend to live in the moment) that we are going to teach her and her brother to go to sleep on their own, that we'd help them through this and that we'd sit by their beds to make them feel safe.  I assured her that we'd come sit by them if they woke up and needed us near them to go back to sleep.  She said, "OK", and laid down and went to sleep within 5 minutes!  I am shocked!  I think she was very exhausted and we'll see how it goes the rest of the night and tomorrow.  

Little DS and my hubby are struggling.  He picked him up several times because he kept crying...no more than a minute and ended up falling asleep in my husband's arms.  He, also, was exhausted.  He's up now (after 20 minutes) crying...but my husband is there to pick him up and reassure him.  It's so sad and breaks my heart.  He's also going to sleep on the floor in his room for awhile so that he can tend to him quickly and so that he doesn't feel abandoned.  I'm going to go in a couple of times tonight for a dream feed.  

He may be hungry....although he just started eating solids a couple of weeks ago.  I think he is just really attached to me and has the sleep association of nursing or being walked to sleep.  He is an energetic fellow so I will try to start feeding him more regularly and often.  

Sweet boy...he just wants his mama.  

[anitakidcrazy]

How do I know when he needs to pee at night?  

[Super~Single~Mama]

Originally Posted by anitakidcrazy 

Thanks for your kind time and thoughts.  

We, my husband and I, talked a lot options today and came up with a plan and it worked so well, so far....I can't believe it! 

We got both of the kiddos ready for bed, brushed teeth and read books.  He took the baby and I took the older one....

I very simply told DD (after books were read....felt that it would be too dramatic if we told her ahead of time since kids this age tend to live in the moment) that we are going to teach her and her brother to go to sleep on their own, that we'd help them through this and that we'd sit by their beds to make them feel safe.  I assured her that we'd come sit by them if they woke up and needed us near them to go back to sleep.  She said, "OK", and laid down and went to sleep within 5 minutes!  I am shocked!  I think she was very exhausted and we'll see how it goes the rest of the night and tomorrow.  

Little DS and my hubby are struggling.  He picked him up several times because he kept crying...no more than a minute and ended up falling asleep in my husband's arms.  He, also, was exhausted.  He's up now (after 20 minutes) crying...but my husband is there to pick him up and reassure him.  It's so sad and breaks my heart.  He's also going to sleep on the floor in his room for awhile so that he can tend to him quickly and so that he doesn't feel abandoned.  I'm going to go in a couple of times tonight for a dream feed.  

He may be hungry....although he just started eating solids a couple of weeks ago.  I think he is just really attached to me and has the sleep association of nursing or being walked to sleep.  He is an energetic fellow so I will try to start feeding him more regularly and often.  

Sweet boy...he just wants his mama.  

Solids don't replace mama milk for a long time, try nursing before meals so that he fills up on breastmilk and gets all the hind milk, and then give him some solids to eat/play with after. Are you giving anything for the teething before bed? That always really helped my ds's sleep if there were teeth coming in.

[apple o' my eye]

I sat down to basically write your post. I am not ready to CIO but my family needs a change. Hope to hear more from you and more suggestions from posters!

Thanks!

[anitakidcrazy]

Well....SO glad we made this move!  We didn't have to allow our little one to CIO at all and he is only waking one time, sometimes two, at night!  

I just have to say that I was so attached to the idea that I had to sleep with him or that I would be breaking our bond and attachment that it broke my heart to even consider another option!  

What we did, was move his crib to his bedroom (he'd already been taking naps in here after I nursed him to sleep).  My husband stayed in the first night and little babe cried a lot that night, but my husband just soothed, rocked, cuddled and supported him.  It was painful to hear him so upset, but he was used to being latched onto me throughout the whole night, so he was upset!  Well...the next night, my husband made his bed on the floor again and DS slept through the whole night until 5am!  My husband was actually worried that something was wrong with him!  

Since then, I think it's been about a week now and he has slept through the night, only waking once (a couple of times he woke twice) to nurse!  I still nurse/rock him to sleep and do the same when he wakes at night.  A couple of times he's woke up at 5:30am (with only one waking in the night) and I've brought him in bed to nurse and he falls asleep for another hour or two!  

Lesson learned: that AP doesn't necessarily mean that one has to follow all the AP "rules" to a tee, but that one needs to meet each child's individual needs and respond to them accordingly.  I think my little, very sensitive guy, prefers the darker, quieter room and that I might have been why he woke so much.  

Naps have been all over the place (no schedule), but he has been taking one of his naps for a lot longer...like 2 hours a few days! 

I feel like a new woman!!!  

[apple o' my eye]

Thank you thank you! 

I have been having simular problems with my 8 month old and have been thinking of trying a crib. I wonder if it will make a difference. Oh and the Daddy part!! My DD number 2 is waking up hourly-I am about done too!

Glad you are having success!

[anitakidcrazy]

Yes...it is so much better!  

Sometimes, it takes a few wakings and lulling back to sleep before DS (little one) is down for a stretch, but after that, he goes for quite a chunk of time!  He does better if my husband puts him down after I nurse him.  DD is doing well too.  We put a chair next to her bed and sit there until she falls asleep.  She still wakes once or twice a night too, but mostly because she has chronic eczema and the itching awakes her.  It's SO sad and frustrating!