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May Chit Chat - Page 10

post #181 of 291

Just a quick check in.  I haven't been on much because I've been super busy trying to get all this figured out.  My dh came home from the hospital yesterday.  He's doing a lot better and after a few nights of good (forced) sleep he's pretty much himself again.  He's on lithium and saraquel, which seem to be doing the job and helping him manage his racing mind.  Only time will tell how that all works out.  Since he quit his job last week, we're going to make some huge changes.  We are getting our house ready to sell and it's likely we're going to travel around for a while.  Hopefully our house will sell quickly and we can get out of here.  For now it's tons of projects to get our house cleaned up, selling most of the animals and figuring out what my dh is going to do for a job. 

post #182 of 291

nak

 

oh my gosh, abra, i'm so sorry you're going through such a trying time. you are a true saint to be keeping such a calm level head.

 

i'm sorry you have to sell your house and your animals :( 

 

i feel like a real toad for having been such a complaining brat yesterday after reading your update. 

post #183 of 291

Oh my goodness, Carey. That is such terrible news about the toddler across the street. It made me tear up just reading your post. I can't even imagine seeing someone who has been shot, let alone a young child... Hopefully your memory erases the image with time. The poor family... greensad.gif

 

*hugs* Abra - I'm glad your DH is doing better. I'm sorry about your house situation. I hope it all comes together for you with as little stress as possible.

post #184 of 291

"I just don't get it, Nicole. He's been crying ALL day. I feel like a failure. I don't know why he's crying. I think he has an ear infection or his top teeth are popping through. I've been rocking him, singing to him, I bathed him, took him outside..."

 

"You've had him since 1030 this morning. Now it's 8pm. Has he had a nap?"

 

"Well, no..."

 

"Did you try laying him down so he could go to sleep?"

 

"Well, no..."

 

duh.gif Duhhh. You would think, with him being almost 7 months old... And after me telling her COUNTLESS times that he puts himself to sleep, she'd get it... (MIL).

 

32 seconds after I got him into the car, sleeping.

 

Excuse my frustration, but FUCK. I'M THE MOTHER. WHY DON'T YOU LISTEN TO ME? NO ONE KNOWS MY CHILD AS WELL AS I DO, I PROMISE. I DON'T CARE THAT YOU'VE RAISED YOUR OWN CHILDREN. THEY ARE NOT MINE.

post #185 of 291

Hey everyone, please keep my dad in your thoughts and prayers... He had to get flown to the trauma hospital my DH works at via flight for life tonight because he had a brain bleed... He's in the surgical ICU waiting for surgery tomorrow. They can't operate yet because he has blood clotting disorders and has had strokes/embolisms in the past few years that have him on blood thinners. Until they get his blood thickened just so, they can't go in. He's in an impossible situation then with the bleed. He can't write, but that happened with his last stroke too and he regained function so we're hoping this will be the same... I hope so... Other than that, he just had a few minor seizures. They're amazed he's doing so well and are optimistic he'll be fine once they drain the blood. I visited him tonight and he's in good spirits. It's just a scary situation not knowing what can happen at any moment and wondering when his luck will run out after having survived so many severe health scares. greensad.gif He's only 57. He needs to stick around a while longer...

post #186 of 291
Thread Starter 

I'm so sorry Joanie!  Sending thoughts to you and your family.

 

Nicole... sorry for your frustration!  Could you try writing down his tentative schedule so when she's at a loss she can see what he might need to be doing at certain times?

post #187 of 291
Thread Starter 

Breastfeeding and online social media study

 

This took me about 15 minutes to fill out.  I like to support this type of research and since we're all in this online social media group, I thought we'd be perfect participants!  If you're interested here's the link: https://unk.qualtrics.com/SE/?SID=SV_6Y8l6EtvXIUnEby

post #188 of 291
Jaimee, I took the survey. I don't do well with rating how much I agree with statements, but I tried.

Nicole, I can tell other people what works for me all day long, but my kids all behave differently with other people. If you tell her what works for you, it would be wise of her to try it, but it still may not work for her the same as it does for you. Like Shay will go to bed several ways for me but not for other people

Abra, is the atrium thing not going to work out? And no other jobs? Sorry, not trying to ask for your whole big story right now, but if you don't have to move right now do you want to? I hope y'all figure out the best thing for you. And I hope a speedy recovery for your husband and family.
post #189 of 291

I took the survey too. Whew, that was a lot of rating!

post #190 of 291
Thread Starter 

Abra, happy to hear that your dh is home and much better!  What made you decide to sell your house, animals and garden and all?  No more aviaries?  Are you just thinking to downsize or are you moving to another city/state?   I can't imagine the stress you're under right now!  I'm so sorry this is all happening.

post #191 of 291

Abra - hugs. I'm so sorry for this massive upheaval in your life.  May I gently suggest that you might want to stay put for now, and avoid uprooting yourself before your DH has been stabilized for a good chunk of time (6 months? A year maybe?)?  I know you must be so very upset right now and probably at a loss re: what to do.  I just want to make sure you are doing what's truly best for you and your family (of course, only you can know that, I just wanted to share my thoughts with you).  I hope you have tons of support and family and friends around you right now.  Is your MIL helping? I hope so!

 

Jaimee - about to take the survey! Thanks!

 

Joanie - I'm thinking about your dad, and sending lots of good vibes his way.  Yours, too.

post #192 of 291

Thanks.  We've been thinking about selling out home for a while now, this just cemented the deal.  Our mortgage is too high to stay here without a steady, high-paying job.  We're going to scale way back.  George still plans on doing the aviary stuff, just from a different location.  We still don't know where we're going.  We might take a little time off and travel around the country.  For now we're doing all the house projects that we've been putting off.  Hopefully something good and exciting will come of all of this.

Quote:
Originally Posted by Jaimee View Post

Abra, happy to hear that your dh is home and much better!  What made you decide to sell your house, animals and garden and all?  No more aviaries?  Are you just thinking to downsize or are you moving to another city/state?   I can't imagine the stress you're under right now!  I'm so sorry this is all happening.

post #193 of 291

I totally understand where you're coming from.  However, we really can't afford to keep this house.  My dh just quit his six figure + job with no real income replacement.  At the very least we have to get out of this house and rent something cheap for a while.  Only time will tell and who knows how long it will take us to sell..  My MIL is here until the 24th and then my BIL will be coming for a few days.  We have really good family support, so I'm sure we'll get through this. 

 

Quote:
Originally Posted by MrsKatie View Post

Abra - hugs. I'm so sorry for this massive upheaval in your life.  May I gently suggest that you might want to stay put for now, and avoid uprooting yourself before your DH has been stabilized for a good chunk of time (6 months? A year maybe?)?  I know you must be so very upset right now and probably at a loss re: what to do.  I just want to make sure you are doing what's truly best for you and your family (of course, only you can know that, I just wanted to share my thoughts with you).  I hope you have tons of support and family and friends around you right now.  Is your MIL helping? I hope so!

post #194 of 291

I am so frustrated right now. mecry.gif I can't visit my dad in the SICU because they don't allow babies, and I don't know who to ask to watch Sora when she hasn't been babysat by anyone since she was just a newborn and is so fussy today I think she'll just freak out. I feel like asking any friends to watch her will be a huge imposition and make them want to blow their brains out. I have a reallly hard time asking people for favors. (My anxiety talking, but I mean, who wants to watch a crying screaming baby with major separation anxiety?) DH has been working this weekend so I only have very small windows of opportunity to leave Sora with him and go to the hospital. I was just about to leave a little bit ago when my mom called and told me they had to take my dad back into surgery again. So now I can't go visit. greensad.gif DH went and visited him this morning after work (since he's just one building away) and he said my dad really wants to see me. I guess they had to perform the procedure to drain the brain bleeding 4x yesterday. It hasn't been going as expected. They have to keep a tube draining from his head around the clock right now too, and it keeps getting bumped out on accident, so then they have to go in again and again... My dad told DH he's in so much pain and is going to tell the doctors to put him under general anesthesia next time because he can't take the procedure anymore. He has to lay flat on his back and try not to move at all, all day, every day, until this is done. He can't do ANYTHING. He has to act like a vegetable and somehow not go crazy with boredom. They wouldn't even give him any food yesterday and he had to beg for water. He is LIVING to just get visitors. My heart is breaking for him. I wish they'd just let me freakin' bring the baby in with me while she's asleep in her Boba! UGH! crap.gif

post #195 of 291

hug2.gif

Quote:
Originally Posted by birdhappy85 View Post

I am so frustrated right now. mecry.gif I can't visit my dad in the SICU because they don't allow babies, and I don't know who to ask to watch Sora when she hasn't been babysat by anyone since she was just a newborn and is so fussy today I think she'll just freak out. I feel like asking any friends to watch her will be a huge imposition and make them want to blow their brains out. I have a reallly hard time asking people for favors. (My anxiety talking, but I mean, who wants to watch a crying screaming baby with major separation anxiety?) DH has been working this weekend so I only have very small windows of opportunity to leave Sora with him and go to the hospital. I was just about to leave a little bit ago when my mom called and told me they had to take my dad back into surgery again. So now I can't go visit. greensad.gif DH went and visited him this morning after work (since he's just one building away) and he said my dad really wants to see me. I guess they had to perform the procedure to drain the brain bleeding 4x yesterday. It hasn't been going as expected. They have to keep a tube draining from his head around the clock right now too, and it keeps getting bumped out on accident, so then they have to go in again and again... My dad told DH he's in so much pain and is going to tell the doctors to put him under general anesthesia next time because he can't take the procedure anymore. He has to lay flat on his back and try not to move at all, all day, every day, until this is done. He can't do ANYTHING. He has to act like a vegetable and somehow not go crazy with boredom. They wouldn't even give him any food yesterday and he had to beg for water. He is LIVING to just get visitors. My heart is breaking for him. I wish they'd just let me freakin' bring the baby in with me while she's asleep in her Boba! UGH! crap.gif

post #196 of 291
Thread Starter 

Oh Joanie, I'm so sorry!!  I know how hard it is to leave your child  when they are not used to being cared for by someone else and I know how hard it can be to ask for help.  But this is your dad in the hospital with a brain bleed.  I think whatever feelings you're having about leaving Sora right now will not compare to what you will feel if anything happens to your dad and you didn't make it there to see him.  Maybe your dh could take half a day off as a family emergency?  If not, definitely ask a friend.  Even if she's a screaming, crying mess while you're gone, your friend should understand- you're visiting your dad in the ICU, that's important.  Maybe you could time it for one of her naps?  Get her to fall asleep in the car and just bring her in the house in the car seat and hope she stays asleep for a while.  Will she take a bottle?  That could extend things, too, and then have your friend take her for a walk to the park or something.  That should get you a few hours.  Good luck... I know it's not easy at all.

post #197 of 291

Joanie, in my experience, friends have a really hard time not helping.  Just sitting there doing nothing while someone you care about is going through hard times, is harder, in my opinion, than doing whatever it takes to help out, even if it's holding a fussy baby.  I imagine your friends would be more than happy to help out in whatever way they can.  I know I would!  Invite them to help,and hopefully you'll be able to see your dad.  That sounds so rough for him.  I hope your visiting can make it easier for him.

 

carey

post #198 of 291
Joanie, I'm sorry about your dad. Ask a friend. Babies often cry less with unfamiliar caregivers. She might be having a hard day because her family is having a hard day. If no friends are available, ask your husband to lose some sleep. I know sleep is important to him, but really, he can do this for you. We all lose sleep for the ones we love sometimes. If he won't, have him take care of her before work while you go in. Then you can meet him at his work right before his shift starts to take Sora home, since it's conveniently close.

Those are ideas, not orders, typing shorthand from phone. Good luck.
post #199 of 291
Quote:
Originally Posted by Jaimee View Post

Oh Joanie, I'm so sorry!!  I know how hard it is to leave your child  when they are not used to being cared for by someone else and I know how hard it can be to ask for help.  But this is your dad in the hospital with a brain bleed.  I think whatever feelings you're having about leaving Sora right now will not compare to what you will feel if anything happens to your dad and you didn't make it there to see him.  Maybe your dh could take half a day off as a family emergency?  If not, definitely ask a friend.  Even if she's a screaming, crying mess while you're gone, your friend should understand- you're visiting your dad in the ICU, that's important.  Maybe you could time it for one of her naps?  Get her to fall asleep in the car and just bring her in the house in the car seat and hope she stays asleep for a while.  Will she take a bottle?  That could extend things, too, and then have your friend take her for a walk to the park or something.  That should get you a few hours.  Good luck... I know it's not easy at all.

 

Quote:
Originally Posted by seraf View Post

Joanie, I'm sorry about your dad. Ask a friend. Babies often cry less with unfamiliar caregivers. She might be having a hard day because her family is having a hard day. If no friends are available, ask your husband to lose some sleep. I know sleep is important to him, but really, he can do this for you. We all lose sleep for the ones we love sometimes. If he won't, have him take care of her before work while you go in. Then you can meet him at his work right before his shift starts to take Sora home, since it's conveniently close.
Those are ideas, not orders, typing shorthand from phone. Good luck.

 

Really good advice already, Joanie, but I was in a similar situation when my dad was in the ICU.   We actually talked to a nice nurse who said that under the circumstances, she would allow the baby to come back for a short time, just be sure to wash hands and only visit for a short time.  I know they are concerned about making the patient sick, but if you agree not to have him hold her (which he can't do anyway, right?) maybe they would allow it.  But my dad was dying- so it was a totally different situation.  

Having been in a situation like that, though, I would really recommend you go and see him.  I don't think we can quantify things this way, but to use the old cliche- "it is worth it".  Sora will be okay.  She might cry.  Her caregiver might have to put up with a lot of crying.  But that is not the end of the world.  You have to go see your dad.  This is really, really important.  

And remember- other caregivers don't have the same reaction to crying that you do when it is your own baby.  Other people are not as emotionally attached so they are better able to just deal with the fussing for a while.  

Also, if you teach your caregiver how to wear the Boba, it might help a ton.  It is familiar to her, it might stop the crying!  

hug2.gif

 

What Sara said was a really good idea too- go to your DH's work before or after his shift, have him hold Sora while you go visit your dad for a bit, then go home.  That is perfect.

post #200 of 291

You all are right. I need to set aside my concerns about the baby and do what I have to do. I talked with two friends who are on standby in case I need them at a moment's notice. It was really hard for me to reach out but like Carey predicted, they were more than willing to help in any way they could. My mom just called and is at the hospital now, so I'm going to wait until later when she leaves to visit so my dad has company for longer. DH went to bed early and is going to wake up a few hours early to watch Sora. I'm so glad this is his last night of work. I might need him even more tomorrow... The neurosurgeons told my mom that the older blood pooled on the brain isn't draining out as quickly as they'd like because it's clotting now, so if they can't get it all out by tomorrow with the drainage tube they put in, they're going to have to actually put my dad under tomorrow and open up his head to get it out... That'll be much riskier than what they've done so far. I hope it doesn't come to that. greensad.gif

 

Thanks so much for all of your support.

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