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May Chit Chat - Page 11

post #201 of 291

I'm so sorry you're going through this.  Be sure you're eating well and resting.  I know it's hard to take care of yourself when you are stressed about a loved one.  

Don't feel bad for asking for what you need.  I'm sure you'd do the same for your friends and your husband.  You're doing the right thing.  

Be sure to update us after you see your dad today!  I'm praying for you and your family.  grouphug.gif

post #202 of 291
Quote:
Originally Posted by jbk21 View Post

I'm so sorry you're going through this.  Be sure you're eating well and resting.  I know it's hard to take care of yourself when you are stressed about a loved one.  

Don't feel bad for asking for what you need.  I'm sure you'd do the same for your friends and your husband.  You're doing the right thing.  

Be sure to update us after you see your dad today!  I'm praying for you and your family.  grouphug.gif

 

 

Yes, this exaclty  hug2.gif

post #203 of 291
Quote:
Originally Posted by birdhappy85 View Post

You all are right. I need to set aside my concerns about the baby and do what I have to do. I talked with two friends who are on standby in case I need them at a moment's notice. It was really hard for me to reach out but like Carey predicted, they were more than willing to help in any way they could. My mom just called and is at the hospital now, so I'm going to wait until later when she leaves to visit so my dad has company for longer. DH went to bed early and is going to wake up a few hours early to watch Sora. I'm so glad this is his last night of work. I might need him even more tomorrow... The neurosurgeons told my mom that the older blood pooled on the brain isn't draining out as quickly as they'd like because it's clotting now, so if they can't get it all out by tomorrow with the drainage tube they put in, they're going to have to actually put my dad under tomorrow and open up his head to get it out... That'll be much riskier than what they've done so far. I hope it doesn't come to that. greensad.gif

 

Thanks so much for all of your support.

 

 

Thinking of you and your family.  hug2.gif 

post #204 of 291

I didn't end up going to see my dad today. eyesroll.gif I'm ticked off at DH and just in a bad mood in general. Still no word yet on whether or not they're taking my dad in for surgery tomorrow. We still have to see how things go tonight.

 

On a funny note, I guess my dad is high on pain meds and shocked the heck out of the nurses this afternoon. Out of the blue, he jumped over the bed rails and sat on a chair in his room buck naked. The nurses had to run to get him back in bed and were cracking up. Somehow with that much activity he didn't manage to knock out the drain in his head. My mom showed up and the nurses were like, "You won't believe what your husband did..." Sheepish.gif

post #205 of 291

Joanie, so sorry about your dad! That's sad stuff greensad.gif Sounds like he's in good spirits, though! thumb.gif

post #206 of 291

I think my mom was trying to make things sound better than they are over the phone so I wouldn't worry. eyesroll.gif I went to see my dad this morning and broke down crying. And here are the tears again... *sigh* He can barely talk or even lift his hands to reach for water, I had to help, he's so tired and in excruciating pain. He couldn't even focus on me, his eyes were so droopy. He didn't look anything like my normally humorous dad. Half of his head is shaved and there were staples in it and bloody gauze all over. The nurse gave him morphine minutes after I walked in, so he passed out shortly after... I hope he knew I was there and remembers it before going into surgery... He asked me to rub his neck a little before falling asleep and told me he has to have the surgery. I think he is scared. I rarely see him scared... This is so much worse than when he had strokes in the past... I just didn't expect it to be this bad. DH tells me to just feel good about him being alive and without known brain damage right now. I know I need to focus on the positive. I don't know how to do that now that I have the image of him in that state in my mind. greensad.gif

 

Oh, and the nurse told me I can bring the baby; they recently changed the policy. I am so ticked off at my mom. She had asked some random staff person in another waiting room who gave her the wrong information... I should've just called the SICU myself yesterday but I didn't think my mom would be that dumb to not ask them directly. Oh well. I might bring Sora later...

 

Time to go eat. I keep forgetting.

 

Oh great, my brother just texted me that my dad goes into surgery in 15 minutes. I can't be there now. mecry.gif

post #207 of 291

Joanie hug2.gif  Im so sorry.  Try to remember to take care of yourself, for you and Sora. 

post #208 of 291

I totally understand what you are going through, Joanie.  Every word.  I feel for you!  Please do take care of yourself as best you can.  I know everything feels very unsure and panicky, but try to stay grounded and keep yourself fed and rested!

Those visual images will fade with time.  And one day soon, when he is fully recovered, you will be so glad you were there for him despite the fact that you had to see him that way.  It will be a reminder of how far he has come!  I am sure it meant a lot to him that you were there for him.  

post #209 of 291
Joanie, I'm sorry your dad is having all this. I am so happy you can take Sora and be with him.

Can someone throw sun info links at me? I have been trying to keep Shay in the shade but he is moving now. Long sleeves and hats make him hot and cranky. it's time for sunblock of some kind. What's good and what's decent? What should I avoid? We spend several days a week at the pool, of that makes any difference.
post #210 of 291
Thread Starter 
Quote:
Originally Posted by seraf View Post

Can someone throw sun info links at me? I have been trying to keep Shay in the shade but he is moving now. Long sleeves and hats make him hot and cranky. it's time for sunblock of some kind. What's good and what's decent? What should I avoid? We spend several days a week at the pool, of that makes any difference.

Around 6 months is when most sunscreens say they are okay to use.  Just test on his leg to see if he reacts before coating him all over.  If we're going to be out between 10am and 4pm and exposed for longer than about 20 minutes, then we use sunscreens that are mineral based- titanium dioxide and/or zinc oxide usually.  Badger, California Baby, Jason's, Alba Botanical, All Terrain, Earth's Best, Kiss My Face, Nature's Gate, Seventh Gen, etc.  Check out EWG's sunscreen guide: http://breakingnews.ewg.org/2012sunscreen/

post #211 of 291
post #212 of 291

One hour until we close on our house!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

post #213 of 291

Christina- let me know how it turns out!  Looks like the same ingredients as Badger sunscreen.  I'm too lazy to make my own, haha!  I'll just buy a bottle of Badger :-)

post #214 of 291
Quote:
Originally Posted by CDsMom1031 View Post

One hour until we close on our house!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

VERY EXCITING!!!  Good luck thumb.gif

 

 

Re: Sunscreen- I'm a redhead and mother to 2 really pasty children.  As long as you aren't spending hours and hours out in the direct sun you can easily make your own sunscreen.  I use 6oz Shea Butter, 5oz coconut oil, and 2oz zinc oxide. 

post #215 of 291

I need to go back and respond to older posts about my dd and Jasper sleeping that you guys were so kind to write. For now, I just wanted to send some hugs to Joanie. Also, Joanie I've watched my best friend's baby many times, even with Jasper. Once, when she was 5 months, she cried the entire time! But it did not bother me, I held her and bounced her, and she was okay. Not screaming, just fussing. Your friends will be fine with it... I promise. People understand this stuff! 

post #216 of 291
Quote:
Originally Posted by birdhappy85 View Post

lol.gif I had to laugh at your comment about "clean eating" Amanda! That is too true! I also hate that I have to clarify every time I talk to someone about eating a certain "diet"... because I am just explaining my way of eating, not actually being on a diet, but that stupid word "diet" has become synonymous with eating less to lose weight... ugh.

 

I'm curious what the women at the Girl Scout leader dinner thought that a week of crying would accomplish? How exactly does that make a baby eat less at night? Are they actually trying to tell you to ignore any and all cues he's giving you regardless of hunger or anything he needs overnight just to force him to stay down in his crib? I don't understand that logic. I wonder what their views are on changing a wet diaper in the middle of the night too... Sheepish.gif

 

Do you have any sound machines or soothers near/in the crib that Jasper could begin associating with sleeping in there? I have some ideas of things that might help him, since I've tried a million things with Sora... but if he's as picky as she has been, you might just have to keep tweaking things to find something that works. I can totally relate to losing the ability to sleep while nursing. I can only nurse Sora in bed for an hour or two max in the early morning, but unfortunately I'd never sleep if she were in bed with me all night. I prefer her being in her crib or pack 'n play, and she sleeps better too.

 

I do think getting Jasper to sleep in his crib is probably the best first step towards getting him to sleep longer stretches through the night. I've noticed if Sora sleeps in bed with me, she smells me and senses my presence, and she'll just keep going for the boob every hour or two like crazy, even if I have no milk left and she's clearly not hungry. Even if she's in the same room with me in her pack 'n play, she still seems to wake up more frequently than if she's in her crib in her own separate bedroom... I know some people are hardcore into co-sleeping in the same room, so I'm not trying to say that all babies behave like this, but it has been mine and a friends' experience for sure that our babies wake more from that.

 

Sora has a ridiculously hard time going down for bedtime (as everyone is well aware of!) and I might've just found a soother to help her. My step-MIL gifted the baby one of those crib aquarium soothers that hangs on the side glowing and making gentle sounds for the baby to watch and then drift off to. I never thought I'd go for one of those, but it actually has been winding Sora down better than anything else we've tried! She fusses a little when she's about to fall asleep so I pick her up for just a minute or two, she falls asleep on my shoulder, then I place her back down and she's asleep for the night. Some people are against sleep "props" but I am SUCH a fan of sound machines and now this aquarium soother. I think we now have like 5 or 6 sound machines of different kinds for this baby... oy. lol

 

Months ago when Sora was at a peak of waking up every hour or two and she wasn't in a growth spurt (it was lasting weeks on end of this frequent waking...) I read something online that was a lifesaver for us. First it said that sometimes your baby just wakes up expecting to be in the same position doing the same thing they did as they fell asleep, so changing how they fall asleep can help those types of wakings (if you're having any of those). Sora seemed to startle awake less when I stopped nursing her to sleep and setting her in her crib that way, which just kind of happened on accident anyway since she stopped wanting to nurse to bed most nights and I had to find another solution. The second and most priceless thing I read is that sometimes mothers are too quick to offer the breast at every waking. I thought that Sora must've been hungry every time... I just hadn't even thought about her possibly NOT being hungry and just waking to be put back down. All I did when she woke up for most of the wakings was pick her up, rest her head on my shoulder, bounce/sway her back to sleep in a minute flat, and then set her back down. It took me just 2 or 3 days of it and she was sleeping longer and longer stretches till she only woke maybe once or twice to eat at the same times so I knew she was actually hungry those times. It didn't even require crying. 

 

My reply is so overdue, but I still wanted to post it! Thanks for all the advice. I'm going to try so noise type things soon. I also want to start working on getting Jasper to fall asleep on his own. He used to do this, but now he always wants to nurse to sleep. He doesn't associate his crib with sleep *at all*. For the first 5.5 months of his life, he was only in there to play for a few minutes while I cleaned his room. Oops. Slowly but surely, I'm going to get him to sleep for a bit in there. It seems like our best option right now, given all the restrictions on buying a new bed or putting our mattress on the floor, etc. 

post #217 of 291
Quote:
Originally Posted by Jaimee View Post

Oh, Amanda, I'm so sorry that your dd1 are so difficult right now.  That must be really hard, especially since you two just got married.  How does your dh feel about it all?  I hope this doesn't come off as trivializing things, but based on what you said in the Playful Parenting thread, I was wondering if some of this could stem from how he interacts with her and perhaps feeling a deep sense of not belonging like she used to.  If she's feeling some strong emotions about her current situation (friends, new marriage, new baby, etc.) and she's been unable to get those feelings out perhaps they're all coming out as anger toward something she can blame- someone that is safe to blame like you and your dh.  Just like he said in the book, the "bad behavior" is saved for those we love b/c it's safe.  And if he perhaps made a very concerted effort to connect with her on her terms that some of those feelings would play themselves out?  I don't have a 10 year old so I'm not sure what this would look like, but would she respond to some rough housing?  Pillow fight?  Some sort of exercising together?  Play acting?  Dancing?  Cooking?  Other hobbies she has?  Maybe he could take her out on the weekend?

 

Anyway, I know there is no quick fix... yay we had a pillow fight and everything is good... but I wonder if you/he might get some insight into what's brewing under the surface with some insistent, more playful interaction.  What did you do when she called you stupid?  I'm sure I would have been too dumbfounded to turn it around like Cohen suggests!

 

Jaimee, you are right about part of it being how my dh interacts with her. He has really stopped a lot of the playing. Also, he is getting very resentful of her. He thinks she is out of control, which she is. She can be super cruel... mocking him if he makes a grammar error when speaking, calling names, etc. So even though she is only a child, I can understand how someone would get fed up. Also, she needs more attention than average... she has a leaky cup. So she has her own issues, but dh pulling back on the play has made things worse. She actually had a good weekend, so I'm grateful for that. 

 

 

Quote:
Originally Posted by birdhappy85 View Post

grouphug.gif *hugs* Amanda - I'm sorry your dd1 is having such a hard time and acting out. I second what Jaimee suggested. I clearly have no experience parenting children older than my dear little 6-month-old, but from a standpoint of having been a very frustrated and angry child myself because of a highly dysfunctional and toxic family, I have noticed myself feeling better when DH "plays" back with me when I'm still (sadly as an adult) throwing a pissy fit. He often forgets to respond that way and gets defensive and angry back at me, which just makes me feel more neglected and angry. But if he gets me laughing in the middle of being angry, I somehow end up letting go of the anger fairly quickly and move on to engaging in whatever he has distracted me with. This sounds stupid because I'm an adult who STILL has behaved in this manner at times, but it's just my inner child who gets triggered sometimes still and needs the same kind of reinforcement and attention I needed as a kid to feel like I belong and am cared for. Maybe the roughhousing and "playing" back with a pre-teen would make her angrier... or maybe she'd be angrier at first (like I tend to get) and then start realizing how silly the situation is and let down her defenses. I don't know. Jaimee's ideas sounded worth a shot, though! Hang in there!

 

Thanks for sharing. This perspective will help you a lot in parenting! It's only recently that I've even thought to relate to my kids in that way. I used to always wonder why they would ever want negative attention. Then, I realized that even I will pout and stomp when I am feeling neglected from dh! Lol. Why do I expect children to be any different? 

 

Quote:
Originally Posted by Mal85 View Post

Amanda-- *hugs* I couldn't read and not respond. I have no experience dealing with what you're going through... or what she's going through, but I did watch it play out with my sister and her daughter. My niece's dad lives several states away from her. He's in her life, but she doesn't see him often. She has dealt with a lot of anger of her own, and it always surfaces as her fighting with and hating her stepdad. She's almost 13 now, but just a couple of years ago they put her into counseling. She was constantly angry, always fighting with her brother and stepdad. She would tell my sister daily that she just wanted her life to go back to the way it was before her stepdad came into their lives. She begged to go live back in the apartment they had lived in together. She hated him and she thought he hated her. She started saying--often--that she wished she'd never been born and she wished she would just die. It really worried my sister, so she started seeing a counselor. It really helped her... a ton. The counselor taught her some incredible ways to deal with her anger. I even caught her a few times showing her cousins some of the stuff her counselor had taught her when they were having a tough time. She was able to stop seeing the counselor and has a much better outlook... aside from her regular preteen moodiness.

 

Thank you so much for sharing this! This makes me feel so much more normal. I'm really hopeful that counselling will help.

 

 

 

 

As for counselling, it's tough to get a new patient appointment. Sigh. Hopefully soon. 

post #218 of 291

Is she still in school right now? I know my sister went through the guidance counselor at my niece's school. They were able to refer her to a counselor that specialized in the issues she was having.

post #219 of 291
Quote:
Originally Posted by Mal85 View Post

Is she still in school right now? I know my sister went through the guidance counselor at my niece's school. They were able to refer her to a counselor that specialized in the issues she was having.

 

 

I have two good options, it's just tough to schedule that first appointment. One has a three week wait and the other is on some sort of religious pilgrimage right now... yep. We are number one to be called if the first therapist has any cancellations, though. :)

post #220 of 291

Great info.  I have noticed that my tolerance to sun exposure has gotten better since I've started taking high doses of omega fats and vit d3.  We rarely use sunscreen around here either.  I have a full body swimsuit for Olivine when we're going to be outside for a long time.

 

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