Or I at least want it to be "an option".
He had an unplanned child at 19. The relationship with the mother (obviously) did not work out. This child is now 14.
Together, we had an unplanned child when I was 19 (he was 24.) We were married a few months into the pregnancy and will be celebrating 10 years together next year. This child is now 8.
I adore him. I love our life together, I love our child. He is a fantastic father and husband. With his support, I was able to complete my college education, and in general, our life is great.
For a long time, I was adamant AGAINST having another child. We did have an unplanned pregnancy when our child was only a few months old. That pregnancy was terminated because of the timing. I don't regret that decision at all. It was the right one for us. We talked about a vasectomy but never got around to it. I'm currently on round two of Mirena, and nearing the end of the 5-year cycle.
Now that I'm done with school and life has calmed down, I feel like something is missing. The few times I've mentioned this to him, he just says, "Well, I'm done. I already have two." I don't mean to "discount" his older child, but when it comes down to it, his older child is NOT my child. I didn't carry that child, I didn't raise that baby. That may make me sound horrible, but it's how I feel. I love his child, but I don't have that "mother" connection to his older child, and when asked by people how many kids I have, I always say "One, and I also have an older step-child." I never say two.
I've read quite a few of the "I want another, he doesn't" threads... but the ones I've seen have all been with women who already have two biological children and are wanting a third. I feel like that is an entirely different situation than ours. Has anyone faced this kind of situation? I also hate the thought that my one and only child was born when I was a teenager and I'll never get the chance to experience pregnancy and early childhood as a stable "adult". When I see/hear of people I know having kids in their late 20s/early 30s, it breaks my heart. They're doing things the "right way", and now it seems I'll never get that chance.
I try to give myself a pep talk, count my blessings, and be happy with my fantastic life... but deep down, I feel like this is a deal-breaker. And I will always regret and resent not having the option to try.