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It is May! Chat Thread

post #1 of 70
Thread Starter 

Don't see a May thread so thought I'd start it... 

 

When one normally consumes very little caffeine eating half a bag of nut mix which includes chocolate covered coffee beans is a bad idea. redface.gif

 

Forgot to mention my both my niece and my nephew's gf are expecting babies, one in August and one in September . Yea babies! My husband is the youngest so I am having babies at the same time as his sibling's children and since 00 we have missed only 2 years, guess we are making up for those now. :

post #2 of 70

fruitfulmomma--that's a lot of babies! Very cool!

 

We had our first childbirth class last night. For the first few seconds I was like "this is NOT working for me, no way can I do this for 6 more weeks" (it's very crunchy, and I thought for a minute it might end up being too much so for me, much less DH, and I can't help getting really worried that he is stressed or exasperated in that kind of situation--even though he's usually totally fine and does not care) but I think that was just social anxiety talking, because once we split into groups for a discussion, I calmed down. The class is very natural childbirth focused, and I have been getting a lot of advice not to focus too much on the type of birth I "want" and be prepared to go with the flow, since obviously a great number of things could go differently than I think they will. However, I think it's better for me personally to completely immerse myself in this idea that it is possible to have a normal natural birth and for everything to go smoothly. Then if it works out that I need interventions, I am open to that and will cross that bridge when I get there. I just feel like the deck is so stacked against natural birth in our society (especially for fat women like myself... I think I've mentioned here before that the high-risk doc I saw early in the pregnancy wrote in my records that I should be scheduled for an induction at 39 weeks despite no evidence to date that I am actually having any complications) that any reinforcement in the other direction is a good idea. I'm not sure how much is gained by being "open-minded" above all else, as long as I don't end up refusing interventions that are truly needed, which I'm sure I will not do.

 

My mom asked me the other day if I was getting an epidural, and I said "Well, I don't know... I mean, you can't really know until you are experiencing it, right?" and that answer did not seem to be satisfying to anyone in the room. It's like if I don't 100% say I'm getting an epidural, it's not good enough and everyone pities me for being so naive. It really makes you second-guess yourself. And believe me, I have NO problem with epidurals. I am so thankful they are available and I may well have one. I just don't know if I will want one yet because there is no way I CAN know.

 

There was a woman in the class last night who told a really interesting story about how her college roommate's mom had described childbirth as being like having to poke the finger of one of your hands all the way through the other hand. The woman from my class grew up in Turkey and said that "painful" was not part of the vocabulary that she had heard used in her family to describe childbirth, and that this conversation with her roommate's mom was completely surprising and a total shift from anything she had considered before. I don't know if this was because pain was just not the first thing that came to mind when her relatives thought about the childbirth experience, or if it just wasn't something that was discussed, or if they really did not perceive the experience as painful per se. But the difference in the cultural narratives was really interesting because pain is almost always the #1 thing that comes to mind when someone says "childbirth" for me.

 

Wow, sorry for the book! I guess I felt the need to put every single one of my thoughts down in writing. redface.gif In other news, my nephew (the one who had bowel surgery who I mentioned in the last thread) has been getting breastmilk through his feeding tube, and starting to have breastmilk poops, which seems to me like a really good sign. He even got to take some milk from a bottle yesterday. Very cool.

post #3 of 70
Thread Starter 

Glad to hear he is doing better, Jennifer.

 

Yes, I think culture can influence the way we speak about birth and how we perceive it is going to be. I suspect if our culture did not emphasize and frighten women about the pain, the fear in our expectations would consideraly lighten it. I think telling a woman it is going to be painless if she does everything right is a disservice to her though. It is hard work for sure, and for me it was very painful especially in the last few hours but learning to work with and listen to your body really helps.

 

I've never had an epi...they scare me far more than the pain does. I had fentynol with my 2nd right near the end cause I was very pushy and had swollen because her head was not quite aligned. It was just enough to take the edge off for me.

 

Having a minor panic now as my kids just informed me that mil is leaving to Iowa in June, they said in 6 weeks and then said the 26th or something. Um...I am due the 3rd! What am I supposed to do with my kids that she is supposed to be watching??? I called hubby, he is going to talk to her.

post #4 of 70

@fruitful I hope things work out with your MIL. I'm glad my kids will be in camp this summer so at least I know I have 6 hrs/day covered. Hoping DH and I can work out splitting the driving so it will only be one 40 min r/t in the car for each of us. (and whoever is helping us in the beginning)

 

DH and I pulled up spinning babies belly mapping last night to try and figure out where baby is. It made me feel better that they suggest the bulge is the bottom. I was thinking it was the head. I am really bad at visualizing things. One week until next appt and I assume since it will be officially 30 weeks that they will mention position. (I've always had to inquire and then they are usually vague and just say where the head is but not the rest of the body.)

 

Ordered new bras online (25% off, yay for me) and will get them on Saturday since they were delivered to my mom's. We are having family photos taken, too. Have to figure out what everyone is wearing. DD & I are the easy ones. DS & DH need to be figured out. Hope everyone is well!!!

post #5 of 70
Quote:
Originally Posted by fruitfulmomma View Post

Glad to hear he is doing better, Jennifer.

 

Yes, I think culture can influence the way we speak about birth and how we perceive it is going to be. I suspect if our culture did not emphasize and frighten women about the pain, the fear in our expectations would consideraly lighten it. I think telling a woman it is going to be painless if she does everything right is a disservice to her though. It is hard work for sure, and for me it was very painful especially in the last few hours but learning to work with and listen to your body really helps.

 

I've never had an epi...they scare me far more than the pain does. I had fentynol with my 2nd right near the end cause I was very pushy and had swollen because her head was not quite aligned. It was just enough to take the edge off for me.

 

Having a minor panic now as my kids just informed me that mil is leaving to Iowa in June, they said in 6 weeks and then said the 26th or something. Um...I am due the 3rd! What am I supposed to do with my kids that she is supposed to be watching??? I called hubby, he is going to talk to her.

 

Yes, whenever I hear "painless" I am REALLY skeptical. I don't think that is possible at all. That being said, I'm kind of with you... at this moment I am more afraid of an epidural than not having one. It's not so much the needle in the spine, but I've always been very afraid of doing a lot of damage "down there" and not knowing it is happening. Reading birth stories has also made me at least consider the possibility that I will be able to handle the pain without one. Of course that impression could all change in an instant once I am actually in labor.

 

In other news... Whoa! Why would your MIL change her plans like that all of a sudden? I hope the situation gets straightened out.

post #6 of 70
Thread Starter 

I don't know...forgot or did not realize it was getting close or something. Anyway dh said she felt bad and had not finalized her plans yet, so hopefully she will hold off on leaving till after baby arrives.

 

On another note I want to duh.gif about people and pregnancy. Read in an otherwise fine article that gestation was 36 weeks and then I see a thread here where someones friend told her 34 weeks is term. Then we have all the mommas who think they are late because they are 40+1. 

post #7 of 70
Quote:
Originally Posted by fruitfulmomma View Post

I don't know...forgot or did not realize it was getting close or something. Anyway dh said she felt bad and had not finalized her plans yet, so hopefully she will hold off on leaving till after baby arrives.

 

Whew! Sounds like that should work out well then.

 

Regarding pregnancy terms, I don't really know the history behind this, but my MIL is also of the opinion that they are "letting women go 2 weeks too long nowadays." I thought that was weird. Hasn't a full-term pregnancy always been 40 weeks? That 36 weeks thing you mentioned sounds suspiciously like someone just thinking "9 months x 4 = full term." Even so, 34 weeks just seems crazy to me. I have never heard such a thing.

post #8 of 70

I had my first Charley Horse of this pregnancy last night. My calf muscle is still sore! I think it's strange because I've been consuming more calcium and potassium this week and it's usually a sign of a deficiency. Will soak legs in Epsom salts tonight...magnesium? Anyone else getting them?

post #9 of 70

Yeah.  Sigh.  My DH was, apparently, born at 43 weeks back in 1980 (which, obviously, is a long time, and I'm sure my MIL was miserable, but he was also a surprise pregnancy and she was not at all sure of her dates, so....).     When my MIL talks about it, she acts like her doctor was doing her a real disservice by letting her go "WAY too long", and even though the baby was fine, she didn't realize it was SO SO SCARY to let babies go so long.   Isn't that the goal?  For the baby to be fine?  
 

post #10 of 70

Back to the dating...my mother's 1st cousin was born "a month past her due date" in 1951. She was almost 10 lb at birth. My great aunt is extremely stubborn and insists she had her dates correct. She also insists the pediatrician indicated the baby was exhibiting reflexes of an older child. The woman has gone on to live a normal life and seems to be doing fine at 60 yrs old.

post #11 of 70
Quote:
Originally Posted by lbkw View Post

I had my first Charley Horse of this pregnancy last night. My calf muscle is still sore! I think it's strange because I've been consuming more calcium and potassium this week and it's usually a sign of a deficiency. Will soak legs in Epsom salts tonight...magnesium? Anyone else getting them?

Ugh, so sorry! Yes, my legs are generally pretty miserable during pregnancy- cramps, charlie horses, and restless legs.  Epsom salt baths daily + b complex vitamin has been helping me alot this time around.

post #12 of 70
Quote:
Originally Posted by lbkw View Post

Back to the dating...my mother's 1st cousin was born "a month past her due date" in 1951. She was almost 10 lb at birth. My great aunt is extremely stubborn and insists she had her dates correct. She also insists the pediatrician indicated the baby was exhibiting reflexes of an older child. The woman has gone on to live a normal life and seems to be doing fine at 60 yrs old.

Yeah, my MIL insists that the nurses told her that DH was way past term because he "had long fingernails".   lol.   All three of mine were born between 39 and 40 weeks and had enough hair and fingernails enough at birth to be 7 years old, if that's the way we calculate it...lol.

post #13 of 70

My nephew (2 weeks old) was a pretty good-size 8 lb. 10 oz and he was born at 38 weeks, also with very long fingernails. Now granted, he probably would have been pretty darn big had he gone to 40 weeks... but I agree with you, I don't think "late" babies exactly have the market cornered on long fingernails. winky.gif

 

Also, and I'm speaking from a place of ignorance here because this will be my first child and I've never thought much about pregnancy dates in the past, but isn't that what you want? To have the baby fully formed, strong, and ready to be out in the world? My nephew needed surgery a couple of days after birth, so I for one am glad he was fully "cooked" and strong when he was born.

post #14 of 70

I just wanted to add that a 10lb baby in 1951 was pretty darn huge. Most mothers smoked through their pregnancies and had very low birthweight babies (7lb or less) at least that's how the other siblings and cousins were. That's what makes her size as a newborn stand out so much.

post #15 of 70

Yeah, I am betting 10 lbs. and that far overdue really was scary. Sorry, I was just prattling on about generalities... didn't mean to minimize the worry your great-aunt must have felt in that particular situation.

post #16 of 70
Thread Starter 

Yes, Jennifer you are right,most babies are healthiest when allowed to come in their own time. Some may need longer than others. 40 weeks is 10 lunar montjs and based on some calculations by a man named Naegele. Anywhere between 37 and 42 weeks past lmp is normal, but lmp dating also assumes very specific cycles of 28 days with ovulation occuring on day 14. Anyone who does not fit in that range will be off by days or even weeks. A momma charting who knows when she ovulated is better off counting back two weeks from o and then dating from there.

 

I've always had long, varying cycles and have had 2 44 weekers with no signs of postdates. I decided to go with early ultrasound this time to establish a due date but even then it can be off by a week. 

 

Older women who were giving birth when hospitals became the norm do seem to have some issues with believing low weight babies and very little weight gain was best. I don't think my mil had one over 6lbs. She probably smoked. With the youngest before my husband (9 yr gap) she weighed less when she left the hospital than when she got pregnant. She was actually told she could not leave until she was pre-pregnancy weight, which even she thought was absurd. 

post #17 of 70
Quote:
Originally Posted by scowgirl View Post

Yeah, I am betting 10 lbs. and that far overdue really was scary. Sorry, I was just prattling on about generalities... didn't mean to minimize the worry your great-aunt must have felt in that particular situation.

 No worries. I totally agree that have a baby that comes when it is ready, even if it is after 40 wks, is ideal. Earlier babies are generally smaller and harder to dress, diaper and handle. My kids were born at 7lb and wore "preemie" clothes until they were about 9lb. I am sure it was definitely worrisome to have gone that far overdue, but without the crazy interventions they do now, she really didn't have many other options. I guess they didn't feel the need to section her - it must have had much higher risks back then.

post #18 of 70

I've been waking up to a few charlie horses lately, too - nothing severe, but annoying.  Gotta make sure I drink enough water & don't forget to take the pre-natal vitamin!

 

As much as I am ready to meet this baby, I know that s/he is much better off being delivered full-term!  I thought most peopke knew that, but I think you guys are right - people just don't know what full-term is!  Some of it may have to do with TV - I've seen lots of TV "births" where the baby just has to come early for some reason & yet, they are all just fine & big & fully-developed.  If people see that enough, they start to believe it to be true, I guess.

 

I've been reading birth stories (here on Mothering) lately - it's very exciting to imagine what mine will be like.  I know there's still 2 months left, but I like to think about it. :)  Also, I'm a little curious about how a natural birth begins - I was induced last time so did not experience the usual course of events!

 

I was at our local farmers' market yesterday & saw that someone there sells cloth diapers that she made!  I think I will be getting some of those once I figure out what we need!  Someone else there had sweet little baby bonnets - I told her that if this baby is a girl, we would be back for one.  :)
 

post #19 of 70

I'm getting charlie horses like crazy too, mostly in my feet which really stinks. I just need to up my calcium and magnesium but still... ow.

post #20 of 70

I feel you guys on the charliehorses and sore legs.  Everything on me is getting sore, lol.  Just a little bit more to go, though!  Won't it be great to snuggle these sweet little ones in our arms?

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