We are having trouble with my SO's ex as far as knowing what the plans are for Mother's Day this year. Here is a little history...
I have one DD who I have been a single mother to her whole life (4 years) and my SO has a DD and a DS that he has 50% custody of. The divorce agreement says she gets them starting at 8am on Mother's Day for an overnight. On a normal Sunday, we have them until 7pm. Seems pretty simple, right? Well, since the separation (so the past 2 Mother's Day) she has gotten them at 2pm. This is because she works part time at a restaurant and Mother's Day is their busiest day, so no one is allowed to take off. My SO knows this because she has worked there for years and this is how it has always been. He always just kept them until 2pm.There are other days and holidays where this occurs and he has always willingly accommodated her work schedule.
However, ever since I moved in around Nov/Dec 2011, she has done more to make them stick to the divorce agreement right down to the letter. Again, not a big deal really since it's probably best and easiest this way. However, she does not ALWAYS want to stick to the agreement...she generally only does it if she knows it will inconvenience my SO or makes it so she has more time with the kids during a given time period than he does.
So, here we are, 2 weeks before Mother's Day. This is the first ever Mother's Day for me that I will have an actual family around to celebrate with (even if it is just me, my SO and my DD), so I think it is not unreasonable that I'd like it to be special. I am really looking forward to it. I asked my SO to please find out what kind of schedule his ex wants for Mother's Day. We can't expect her to stick to the 2pm pickup because she's changed a lot of other things she used to do, but we can't expect her to get them at 8am because she won't even be able to pick them up at that time (she will already be at work). He texted her 2 days ago about this and they have an agreement (at HER request) that questions be replied to within 24 hours, even if it's just to say you need more time. She has not responded (but has sent other texts regarding other things since then).
I am fairly certain that she is doing this to purposely f%*$ with our plans for Mother's Day (not that we have specific plans yet, but he has mentioned to her in the past he dislikes transferring kids mid-day because it interrupts whatever we're all doing. We would never tell his kids our plans until that day anyway for fear the ex will show up or ruin the day in some other way. See my other threads if you'd like a better understanding of the type of person we're dealing with). I am wondering what the best way to approach this is because I am sure she is going to wait until the very last minute to tell us what she's doing for Mother's Day so we cannot actually make any plans.
I am leaning towards asking her one more time and then when she doesn't answer, telling her "the agreement is 8am, so get them then and if you don't, we'll be home around 4 or 5pm and you can get them then," but it IS Mother's Day and it is reasonable that they be with her as much of the day as possible. I want to be clear that I have no problem working around her schedule, but I DO have a problem with her withholding her schedule until the last minute. She's also been known to change plans repeatedly, so we're considering if she does give us a schedule for Mother's Day, telling her that she must stick to that schedule because we won't be home otherwise as we have plans now.
What do you think? Am I too harsh? I just want to be able to enjoy my first Mother's Day with my family without having to scramble around at the last minute. I think telling her we follow divorce agreement is fair, but I also know she will not be able to get the kids at 8am.