Running through the May Flowers - Page 6

[Plady]

Oh Shanti!  I am so sorry!  It really speaks volumes that dh is out of contact on a retreat.    I hope the docs can figure out a better course to help and that you somehow find the energy to keep yourself together.

Jo - Sounds like you have things well in hand for the move.  How exciting!  It's so close! 

Real - I'm sure you acknowledge the dual holiday when it happens but also recall that Birthday trumps Hallmark holiday.  Nice race!

Okay, time wake the monkeys.  There was a little good news for dd over the weekend.  She spent much of Saturday crying so finally we convinced her to call her bf who had mentioned feeling pushed to drop her by the other two girls.  She did and they talked and she felt a lot better when she hung up and then a few minutes later the friend called back and invited her to sleep over.  We let her go, despite the grounding since it seems like the harshness of the combined consequences have sunk in.  So that's good.  She's still anxious about the other two girls but hopefully they'll be bored with the whole thing by this week and at least ignore her.

[bec]

Nic - That is an amazing race report.  Seriously, that good a time, on a hilly course, and sick (snot vomit counts as still being sick).  Hard Core.  Major bad ass! 

Shanti - I hear your exhaustion and worry so plainly.  Here's my question.  How long does it take for the meds to kick in?  If they have terrible side effects and still aren't controlling the seizures, maybe the meds should be stopped until a neurologist can come up with a better plan?  And, I admit to being kind of gob smacked that your DH went onto this retreat knowing that his child has a serious, uncontrolled medical condition.  I would be furious if my husband did this. 

Real - Amazing time!  This started off your 20 miler?! 

Plady - He should have remembered mother's day.  End of story.  I'm sorry.

Jo - Same to you.  You aren't the teacher's mother.  It's not the teacher's job to remind the kids. 

RR: Does throwing 6 plants into the ground count?  If so, yes.  If not, well, no.  But, I am staring down the barrel of a 2 hour tri class brick tonight, so that is something!

Mother's Day: My children made pancakes for me, cleaned the kitchen and supposedly their bedroom (I can't tell much of difference, there, but it's alright), smothered me with love, and let me go away by myself a few times!  All in all, a great day!

[Nickarolaberry]

Hi mamas.

Shanti, . With all the other mamas here and will email you also. Personally the difficulty with getting a neuro appointment I would find unbearable (also the other stuff but that is just inexcusable). I would probably let myself misbehave and take out my stress by demanding Right NOW that they get my kid in for an appointment and may even throw a tantrum to get it.  Sometimes being the  will get you farther than being nice and waiting like a good mama, you know?

Sparkle, congrats to your dd! That sounds like a very intense weekend.

Bec, thanks. I like the hard core badass thing. I am going to need it. I am starting along that road and although it may take a long time, that's the road now as I see it. And I need my running power feeling to rely on when things will get very hard, and they will.

My quads are totally trashed today and I still haven't slept well from the coughing. i should vacuum but I think I will take a nap instead.

[Geofizz]

Hugs, Shanti.  How scary.  I hope you get what your son needs by camping out in the office.

Plady, it sounds like a powerful message on making amends.  Seriously, though, get a really stiff drink and start reading Queen Bees and Wannabees.

Isn't it kind of hard for an adult going out into the real world to miss that it was Mother's Day?  DH was prepped last week because of all the crap out he thought it must have been last week instead.  We do these things really low key in our family, though, with a stated agreement of what days matter to us.

RR: Not enough.  I declared War on Weeds this weekend and tackled the yard.  You can't tell I spent 3 hours weeding.  It's a lost cause.  If we want a weed-free lawn, I fear we'll have to pull it out and start over.  Yeah, like that will ever happen. 

Happy Mother's Day Dingoes!

Petty Rant On

So I'm coaching DD's soccer team this year.  Mostly it's been a ton of fun.  The girls are a blast, and I've insisted in focusing on teamwork, sportsmanship, and personal responsibility.  Teamwork and sportsmanship means you not only treat everyone on the other team right, but you also treat yourself and your teammates right (no insults to even  yourself).  That's been met with a hugely positive response from the parents.

So, personal responsibility.  I've made a point of making sure the girls know when the games are.  They are responsible for getting their parents to the correct field on time.  If they are going to miss a game, they are to tell me the day before.  The game was at 2, so everyone needs to be out the door at 1:20, headed to the north field by the library.  Parents do have the schedule with times and fields clearly listed, along with a request that I know if anyone will miss a game, be late, or have to leave early.

I make a line up.  I do this to keep playing time fair.  I do it so that kids who do their bit in goal get appropriate time on the field.  I do it so that everyone learns to play every position.

Making up a lineup takes time.  For a team of 13 girls with 8 on the field at a time, this is actually takes 20-30 minutes to plan out.  Everyone was at practice Saturday, and everyone said they were coming.  Two said they'd be coming straight from lacrosse, and I should have them out for the first quarter.  Fine.  Easy.

So I got started Sunday morning at 9 am.  An email from a parent at 9:45 saying her daughter would be missing the game.  So I adapted.  At 12:15, I got a call from a mom saying her daughter (who I strongly suspect doesn't actually like it, but is signed up because she thinks she's supposed to like it) wouldn't be coming.  Fine, your daughter clearly doesn't want to play.  I adapted.  At 1:05 I see an email from another girl who won't be there.  Grrrr.  I adapted again.

I got to the field at 1:40.  Alone.  By 2 pm, we had 4 girls, including my own daughter.  I asked the ref for a few more minutes -- we hadn't played at this field yet.  In the next few minutes, three more came, huffing from the far south field, including the girl whose mom had called at 12:15 who said her daughter wouldn't be playing.  The other coach asked if we could get started -- both sides would just play 7 on 7.  Fine.  The two girls I know would be late showed up, as with another girl who is generally late as a matter of course (and I now plan for it.)

After a quarter, we had enough for 8 on 8, so we played "full teams," but I had to totally wing it.  My line up was useless.  I tried to note how much each kid had been out but it was raining and my pen wouldn't mark on the paper.  The kids and parents were mad at me, with kids telling me they'd been out 3 times, and swearing up and down that kid A and kid B (including my own ) had only been out once.  I made a girl play goalie a second quarter because I didn't have 4 kids there who are willing to play.  The girl who clearly doesn't want to be playing soccer was pissed at me for taking her out because she wasn't tired.  I couldn't help myself.  "Kid, you were out there walking and standing all quarter.  You looked tired.  I took you out to give you a break."  I knew she wasn't tired.  But I was tired of watching her stand there and not play while other kids who want to play show up and play hard. 

Yeah we lost.  Those are the breaks kids. 

Rant Off

Here's a tip:  If your kid can make it to fewer than half the games, she's probably a wee bit overbooked.
 

[Shantimama]

I feel better now - getting things done always helps. I drove ds to school and he cried for part of the drive which is just heartbreaking. I have discovered that comedy helps distract him so I put some episodes of "The Republic of Doyle" on his iPod to watch during the drive (the high school is 45 minutes away.) Even if the tears come back the minute it finishes, I think it is important for him to experience himself as something more than scared and miserable. Screens have their good uses for sure! If I could I would buy every Steve Martin movie to throw in at a moment's notice right now! The Pink Panther movies, or even just me quoting from them, help pull him out of the funk too.

I met with the resource teacher who will create his IEP and she was great. We talked about what ds needs academically and how his teachers can adapt and help him. She also asked for the names of his favourite teachers in the school so that in addition to his current class teachers, they will receive copies of the education plan too. She wants him to get as much support and understanding as possible and have as many staff on the lookout as she can, especially while he is feeling so depressed, incapable and overwhelmed. Isn't that incredible? Then I went to the guidance office and spoke to the teacher/counsellor there that ds likes best and brought him up to date on the medical and academic stuff but asked how the school can support him in adjusting to it all. He was great, said ds is one of those students that come along occasionally that really shines and makes the school a better place. He was concerned and we came up with a plan for how he can support ds emotionally and practically through the rest of this school year. What a relief.

Then I went to the hospital and after being shuffled along from one person to the next for awhile, I spoke with the right person. Ds' ped isn't working today but should call me tomorrow and will likely see him and adjust his meds again, hopefully changing them completely. I felt really heard about these side effects and the huge change for the worse we are experiencing. As for seeing the neurologist, this is where the system is frustrating. The referral has been made, which is good. We live in a rural area and so the Children's Hospital gets referrals from all over the region. As they come in, the specialists basically triage them and call kids in in the order they set. I get it, I really do, but it is so frustrating. I wonder if the fact that the seizures aren't decreasing and the meds are causing such distress will get him bumped up on the list. Until we get the call we just keep working with the pediatrician.

You all are right, as usual. I need to have a serious talk with dh when he gets home. Not only did he not leave me a contact number but he is out of province and while I am bilingual, I wouldn't count on my French in the middle of a crisis to call around to every retreat centre in Quebec to find the right one, you know what I mean? Aaghh.

So Dingoes, throw your best stress busters at me to use this week - all but the most obvious (running) because that won't work right now!

[Dmitrizmom]

I'll catch up on personals.  Just wanted to ask to be put on the race list: Iowa Games Triathlon, July 8, 2012. Thanks! 

I'm going to see if I can either borrow or rent a road bike for the bike portion of the race - I rode my mountain bike just over 12 miles yesterday and it wasn't fun.Thanks to everyone for the encouragement!  Love that y'all are so wonderful and encouraging.   (and wish that the people that we are all surrounded by IRL were as great!)
 

[JayGee]

Shanti ~  destressing ideas:  a short or long walk, a good book, meditation, yoga, a nap, a cup of tea (or coffee, or wine...), talking with friends.  You are in my thoughts Mama.  And yes, your DH needs to leave you contact info!

Dimitrizmom ~ hope you can borrow a road bike.  I know our local bike shop rents road bikes.  Can you look into that option?

Geo ~ sheesh.... I'd be pulling my hair out too!  What a nightmare.  Extracurriculars are NOT optional if you sign up for them, especially team sports, where they are relying on a certain number of kids to make a full team.  You handled it well, even if the parents were miffed.  I'd like to see them do better.

Nic ~ great race, especially given your yucky health yesterday!  I KNOW you are going to break 2 hours in your upcoming 1/2.

bec ~ glad your kids made you such a nice breakfast for Mother's Day!  Have a good brick workout tonight.  I'm a tad bit jealous.

Plady ~ good for your DD for calling her BF.  Hope today wasn't miserable for her.  Girls... sheesh.

sparkle ~ congrats to your DD!!!!  I totally know what you mean about getting all stressed out when your kids compete.  DS had a soccer game yesterday and I was beside myself the whole game.  I'm going to be a wreck this summer for the swim meets!

jooj ~ your return to the states is so close!!!  I can sense the excitement.  Glad everything is getting all packed up and ready to go.

RR ~ met a friend early Saturday morning for 20 miles on the bike.  My cardio fitness/endurance has gone to pot.  Pilates may be giving me a strong core, but I need to do some endurance cardio too, I'm afraid.  Nothing yesterday other than a little gardening and today I went to Pilates and biked the kids to and from school.

NRR ~ I had a rather stressful Mother's Day unfortunately with too much stuff all packed in too tightly.  We went to church at 11:00, DS had a soccer game at 12:30 and another one at 5:30.  In between I bought plants and planted all my flower planters/window boxes.  The second game ended too late for me to cook my planned dinner, so we went out and ended up waiting FOREVER for our food.  I hate restaurants, really. 

[Realrellim]

1jooj--I wasn't quite that impressive: the 5K was first and part of the 20.6. Sounds like you've made huge progress on packing.

Shanti-- :grphug and And ditto bec on your DH. That's so irresponsible and wrong on so many levels that I don't know where to start.

bec--a 2-hour tri brick sounds pretty hardcore.

Geo--weed-free lawns are highly overrated. Also, I think, a fantasy without copious application of chemicals or daily weeding. My neighbors may do both; they're in their yard all the time. They may pick weeds with tweezers. And sorry about the soccer stuff. I know they're supposed to be all sorts of benefits but honestly, they have more interpersonal politics than I can handle in an extracurricular.

JayGee--sorry that even the restaurant didn't cooperate. Hopefully today is better for you.

[Plady]

Originally Posted by JayGee 
 I hate restaurants, really. 

I love restaurants when I'm not in a hurry and I don't have hungry kids or a husband with me.  Otherwise it's way more hassle than it's worth.

Sparkle - Must have cross posted this morning, congrats to your dd!  That's so exciting!

Shanti - Boxing?  I always feel cleansed of stress after hitting stuff as hard as I can.

Geo - I'd be so tempted to transfer your rant into a team email with the subject heading: Our loss this weekend.  I hate that people who volunteer their time and energy and enthusiasm on behalf of other people's children can be so disregarded.  It just pisses me off.

[JayGee]

Plady - I totally agree with your idea for Geo! And how was your DD's day back at school? I have been thinking about her a lot, mainly since I went through a similar experience in Junior High (and again, in college).

Real - nice race, and a good way to kick off a 20 miler.

RR - I ran 2.5 miles with DS last night!!!! He has great pacing skills for a 10 year old.

NRR - off to watch the Cardinals play today with DH. It's almost like a date!

[bec]

RR: From last night.  I did a 20 mile bike ride, followed by an almost 3 mile run.  It was not as hard as I expected, but my low back got really tight and sore around mile 14 of the bike ride.  Everything else was fine, but my back was killing me.  Is that how the bike is fitted?  Anyway, within half an hour of getting home, I started feeling like I was getting a cold or something.  Felt horrible.  A few hours after I went to bed, I woke up thinking that, maybe, just maybe, the 2 hours of heavy exertion breathing in all the lovely lilac and other smells might be at the root of my congestion.  I took a Claritin and, while not perfect this morning, am better enough that I think it was allergies, and not a cold. 

Geo - What Plady said.  I would be very frustrated too!  In high school, I coached t-ball, and got the same thing.  It was hard being 16 and having parents yell at me about it. 

Shanti - Aside from all the go-to exercise related destressing techniques, any kind of tedious handwork always calms and centers me.  Knitting, cross stitch, weaving, spinning.  Even making lists of the things I have to do (my anxiety is often caused by feeling overwhelmed and out of control schedule wise). 

[Plady]

JayGee - It was kind of rough.  The Queen Bee (Geo, I've read it, I actually wrote a play based on some of it) caught C's friend talking to C and called her over and told her to play with her crew instead.  Sadly for C the friend caved, although I sympathize with her too.  But it was a hard day for dd.  I should go get the book and read through for possible solutions, because those I forget.  I know that they recommend against the moms stepping in and I can see how me butting in and demanding that other kids get over themselves could end up making it all worse, but it's hard to do nothing. 

I get a Dingo visit!!!  Lofty just wrote that she's coming my way for Christmas so I get to have her at the end of Dec!!! 

[1jooj]

 and  I am trying so hard to be positive, but you have your good Dubai days and your bad Dubai days, and today we're having a classic bad Dubai day.

Couldn't cancel our home phone without being hit with a ridiculous "early termination" charge, which is a direct result of the fact that the phone company took 6 weeks to get our phone installed. Had they done the work on time, would have been a non-issue, but apparently it's just too bad (consumer protection = crap). So dh threw a tantrum and cut it off effective immediately. We have internet through end of month.

Airline announced today that I can't check the cat as accompanied baggage because the TOTAL time in travel (two flights) is over 17 hours. So I have to check cargo service and/or possibly give him up here. Cost of cargo can be multiples of excess baggage fees.

Did I mention it's hot? I took a rest day today (didn't get out of the house early enough because of dh). Thank the Universe I am on my way out for a good, long break.

Shanti, housecleaning can sometimes help, but it's a crapshoot. Sometimes it puts me into a rage. But I do like to listen to loud music and dance.

Plady, I feel the same about restaurants. I just don't like going with the family. I'd as soon cook for them, and they'd prefer my cooking, too. Dh doesn't like the restaurants I enjoy, and the kids don't eat spicy. So eating out is always, always a compromise. There's no treat in compromise.

ETA: Plady, we cross-posted. Color me jealous!

[Mel38]

Originally Posted by Plady  I know that they recommend against the moms stepping in and I can see how me butting in and demanding that other kids get over themselves could end up making it all worse, but it's hard to do nothing. 

It is soooo hard! But you are there for her and talking her through it all, and that's great. I really think it's the best thing you can do in that situation, just giving advice. Girls can be tough, but she's learning the lessons of how to make friends, what constitutes a friendship, things that will stick with her through her whole life. Like JayGee describes - those kinds of things can happen many times throughout her childhood and young adulthood.

We have some of that going on here, too.

Yay for Dingo meet-ups!

Oh, Jo, that bites! All the extra $$ are certainly stressful, but hopefully soon forgotten. Enjoy your rest day.

Nick, what was the name of your HM?

I think I am missing some 5k results from Real... ?

Bec, dang, I wish I could be your virtual training partner! You are kicking some butt out there! I guess the back tightness could be bike fit related. Has anything changed for you since you were fit? Do you ride on a tri bike or a road bike?

Me, I'm up for swimming at lunchtime today if I can get this work done. And yoga tonight with DH. We are taking a class together once a week now. We have another sprint triathlon coming up this weekend. I really need to get a new seat for my bike, this one is killing me.

[Nickarolaberry]

Name of the half was the Rubin Run.

cough, cough, cough. I think I have moved on to the athsma phase... ugh.

[sparkletruck]

Nic - I have had some head-achey, sinus pressure, run-down, mucus-y thing going on for over a week, and then two days ago it turned into a dry cough (that tickle you can never scratch). Maybe its the same?

[Nickarolaberry]

Sounds like the same Jess. Thanks. That plus totally trashed quads from the race = no RR for me, although emotionally I sorely need it. Sigh.

[Realrellim]

Originally Posted by Mel38 

I think I am missing some 5k results from Real... ?

25:12 for the Miles for Moms 5K.

RR: 5 today.

NRR: doing the butt-in-seat thing at Starbucks in hopes of finishing article revisions tonight. Finally got permission for a license to reprint very short segments of the score in the article a full month after I sent the email. Also, it will cost $50--for an article in a scholarly journal and for which I don't get paid. The last time I tried to get permission to publish score excerpts, which granted was a decade ago, they gave me permission for free. Either this is the new normal or else I went about this the wrong way. Must inquire of colleagues before submitting anything else.

Tangent: I really want a chocolate chip cookie, but did you know that one from Starbucks has 360 calories? Not fair. And...back to work.

[MelW]

I lost a big post yesterday, then gave up.

Big hugs to all who need them, and growls in the direction of kids (and fathers) who missed mother's day. Boo.

Shanti, I hope your son is doing better soon, and that your advocacy gets his referral in sooner.

real and nic, congrats on terrific races. Nic, your persistence despite the cold is impressive, and real is just plain speedy!

Plady, good luck with your daughter. It sounds like you both deserve a break!

jo, I'm hoping that the final wrap up and the heat are tolerable for you. You're so close!

RR- I had my best post-injury run on Sunday, a very hilly trail run up the mountain, around  a lake and back, for a total of 90 minutes. And wasn't sore the next day!! My hip is feeling good.

NRR- The weather is beautiful and has confirmed that my youngest is having reactions to the sun. I have her in a pair of small kids gardening gloves with the fingertips cut off to keep her hands mostly rash free, and am shopping for other glove options. Work is busy with midterm week, plus I added a night shift last Friday. This week I'm going to visit my sister in Vancouver for the night on Friday and leaving the kids at home. First time I've done a night away by myself other than for night shifts!

[Plady]

Oh Mel! I'm so sorry that all this beautiful weather is turning out to be such a PITA for you!  That's just awful!  Is there hope that this allergy could disappear as suddenly as it appeared?  At least she is normally in the right climate I guess.  Enjoy your night off!

Jo - I hope the cargo thing can work for your kitty although I've also heard that airlines won't fly animals when the weather gets over a certain temp as the cargo bays aren't air conditioned.  It might be worth asking about, it would be too tragic to ship him home only to have him die in transit! 

Re: Girl drama - It's ongoing but at least the sobbing has become less frequent.  I am encouraging her to try acting braver than she feels at times when it seems like they are intentionally trying to exclude her to at least reduce any satisfaction they might be getting from being snotty.  I very briefly spoke to the school counselor yesterday when I stopped in to hang out for recess and she made it clear she felt that dd was overstating the problem.  Part of me is pissed that she was so dismissive even as dd was crying in front of us and part of me wonders if it really is as awful as dd is making it out to be, the old boy who cried wolf.  I really really just want to rewind to the days when dd got along fine with everyone.

RR: Lifted today and got a body composition thing done.  My number was 24.7% which according to the expert is in the normal range.  So the quandary for a slacker like me is, is this good enough?

NRR: A few weeks ago I tweaked my groin after running so that it was painful to put weight on my right leg in certain angles and even turning over in bed hurts, then I noticed a swollen lymph node in the area.  I finally got around to googling it and the results were universally pretty scary.  I'm getting it checked out on Friday but please send some super-no-big-deal vibes if you've got a moment. Thanks!