Running through the May Flowers - Page 3

[Shantimama]

By the end of this week I will have a new computer and that will make life so much easier - easier to connect with people and easier to get some work done!! I can't access my business accounts from the family clunker of a computer so I am really limited in what I can do work wise. I did an open house with someone on the weekend and did a few sales. Fortunately the woman who had the open house wants ALL of the Enjo products but wants the host discounted price - there weren't enough sales from her open house but now she wants me to come and do a party for her Friday night. She says she is motivated because she needs to convert her home to Enjo and she wants it all now. If she manages to pull it off that will also be a HUGE help to me, especially if a couple or a few people book parties from there. I am also trying to produce as much as I can for the art event in July.

I spent yesterday afternoon with a friend who works with kids in the way I would love to. We did some brainstorming about how I could get to do what she is doing without going back to school right now. She thinks it is possible and we are going to continue the conversation. I have some personal work to get to the point of having the confidence to "sell" myself and my abilities and knowledge to get into the system but it does help that I have the full backing of two of our region's best child intervention workers. For now I keep selling Enjo when I can but I also keep working towards that other goal. It seems impossible right now so I am just riding on the confidence of these women who want me to go for it.

ds had another medication change and it worries me seeing him pour so many drugs into his young body. I am reading as much as I can but believe following the pediatrician's lead for now is essential. I feel pretty overwhelmed juggling so many important things at once.

Things are a little less tense at home over the past few days which is a huge relief. I am working hard to keep it that way.

Nick - good for your dd! My dd is a potatotarian and I was so relieved when she decided peanut butter was okay again. She really shouldn't be eating it with her braces but I am just relieved she has found a protein source for now. I would love it it she would shun junky processed stuff but then I am not sure what she would eat.

real - yay for a comfortable place to sit! We were given some great hand me down couches last fall to replace the hand me down futon that was about as comfortable as a lumpy rock. It is great to have something new to sit on!

melw - sounds like a perfect afternoon 

1jooj - glad you had such a lovely afternoon. 

JayGee - sounds like a fun time with your girls!

[Plady]

Morning mamas,

Thank you for all the sympathy and wise words.  Having had the weekend to talk to dd and think about it and look at patterns of behavior and whatnot I'm hopeful that this might have been more of a fluke than I was afraid of at first.  I think there is definitely an element of the teacher having a particular POV about dd, as it happened she saw me at school and asked me to talk to dd instead of confronting her herself.  I don't know if that was a good thing or not, maybe/probably dd would have lied to her the same way or maybe she would have owned up seeing as the teacher was a potential observer whereas I wasn't.  In any case, dd eventually explained that she thought that what she did would somehow make her look cooler.  She feels like the cool kids all do things they shouldn't and never get caught and she feels super uncool and wants to change that.  I think she was truly shocked at how upset dh and I were about the lie though, and now sort of understands what she lost when she did it.  We made her write letters of apology to everyone that she hurt in the process starting with the people who she offended the most (me and dh - but we let her figure that out on her own) and then helped her understand what makes a decent apology ('I'm sorry I did x, it was wrong...' instead of 'I'm sorry if you were upset when I did x...').  And we grounded her for a month including internet and tv privileges.  We also talked a lot about what constitutes 'cool'.  She feels uncool in part due to her thrift store clothes and that led to a discussion of how we support one system or another with every purchase we make and how many things we have to buy (like oil and gas) aren't good for us or the environment or the people who work to provide it but that our life is such that we still have to buy it.  We explained that clothes and household goods and books and general stuff are things that we can buy used so that the money we spend goes to support local services and local businesses instead of funding huge corporations that may or may not treat their foreign workers in a decent humane way and that it isn't a matter of what we can afford but rather where our values lead us that we don't buy brand new short shorts at Justice. I think that this may really be the getting to the heart of some of her troubles this year, body image and coolness and who's who in 4th grade has been a big deal and as dd is developing and a wee bit pudgy, lots heavier than her skinny little classmates who are younger and less developed anyway, she's getting overwhelmed I think.  But I'm hoping that this bit of a handle will help us guide her better.

Meanwhile, our well pump died on Friday evening so we've been using pond water to flush toilets and wash up with all weekend.  DH being an inveterate DIY, we of course have not sought out professionals to fix it so now I also know how to haul up the deep well pump using a winch.  We had a super busy day on Saturday and didn't make much progress but yesterday we hauled up about 270 feet of what we believe is 405' total.  Hopefully we'll finish getting the pump out this morning and find that it's a simple wiring issue and get it all put back together and running today.  A girl can dream anyway.

We also had an amazing experience yesterday with a true pro.  We called in a farrier to trim the donkey's hooves which were clearly in need.  Dh thought (of course) that he'd watch what happened carefully so he could do it himself in the future but after about 2 minutes of watching this guy we all realized that we were waaaaay out of our league.  The farrier is like a true cowboy, just totally authentic down to his bones cowboy.  He spent all sorts of time with the donkey, not speaking to her but just leading her around and establishing that she needed to work with him and getting to know each other.  If you've seen 'Buck' about the horse whisperer (it's on Netflix) it was like that.  In fact, his girlfriend whispered to us that his nickname is 'Buck' at all the ranches that he's worked at.  I guess for a long time he's worked with the mules that do the tours at the Grand Canyon.  Anyway, seeing as dh and I are so often learning as we go on everything from growing vegetables to building barns to pulling pumps, it was inspiring to see such an expert immersed in his work and it led to another good discussion with dd about what constitutes 'coolness'.  I said that I thought this guy was way cooler than any snot-nosed kid bragging about what shoes her mom bought her at the mall over the weekend and though dd wasn't as enthusiastic about him (she was worried that he was hurting the donkey) she did seem to get what I meant. 

So, all in all, I have renewed hope that dd isn't really a compulsive liar but just a little kid dealing with peer pressure and body image and growing pains.

Jo - The run along the beach sounds really nice, I'm glad that you seem to be having more moments like that even as your first tour winds down over there.

JG - Whew!  As you can tell from the above, a trip to an AG store is pretty far off my radar but I'm glad you had a good girls' day.  I'll put that idea into the pot for a possible future special day for my two, it sounds like they'd love it as much as yours (although we don't have any AG dolls).

Nic - I hope you can beat back the cold soon so you're feeling good for the run this weekend.  Nothing like feeling run down to add to the pre-race anxiety.  And keeping my fingersx for the right job to come to you, and soon!  It seems like you've had a long wait since getting started with applications.

Shanti - I'm so glad you're able to replace your computer!  That is huge.  I wish that you weren't probably the only one working to keep the stress low at home though, that's still too much burden.  And sending prayers out for your son to find a good place with the medications.

Re: Carpeted bathrooms - I wouldn't mind carpeting in a bathroom for a vacation spot.  Even at home I'd almost consider it because of the warm feet aspect.  We were just grossed out because of the combination of blindness and bachelor in the place we bought. 

Bec - Way to recover from your half!  You'll be ready for your tri I'm sure!

Okay, better head out to work, I'm such a slow typer I've been at this post for way too long!  I'll try to be less all-about-me next time!

[Geofizz]

Sorry to be AWOL.  I've been completely, totally, overwhelmed for ages, and I just had to stop reading.  That doesn't mean I've been productive or anything, just overwhelmed.

In the last month, we've ramped up dealing with all of DD's needs, seeing a therapist weekly and going to tutoring twice a week.  The therapist uncovered pervasive bullying (physical and social) at school, and once I reported it with an added explanation that the therapist had wanted to call himself, the beat got put down on the little brats and all is now driven underground.  DD had reported it to no effect, and that's an issue to deal with later.   All told, of the 20 other kids in the class, 18 participated in it.  The remaining two, while they failed to report anything themselves, did talk to DD and convince her to report it.  I called both moms to tell them and to thank them for raising wonderful daughters who treat others right even in the face of a huge amount of peer pressure.  I made them both cry.

DD qualified for an IEP on Friday for both reading and writing disabilities.  The face blindness did not qualify her, nor did the anxiety, despite the fact that the teacher's questionnaire had DD as autistic, asperger's, OCD, ADHD, and something else equally inappropriate.  We'll have to work those into the cracks of the IEP with accommodations and goals.  I'm hoping that a smarter teacher will get us a long way there.  Seriously, we need a teacher that can answer her questions, and at the very least, not brush her off when DD stumps her. 

It also came out in the meeting on Friday that the school has not fully evaluated her reading since half way through kindergarten because of the school's policy to not evaluate beyond one grade level above the present grade.  If she's been qualified for reading intervention, then she needs a baseline!  Thankfully this is now going to happen at the university, since they jumped on the opportunity to study her:  Decoding skills:  early- to mid-third grade level.  Spelling: early third grade.  Comprehension:  topped out at 12th grade for science and social studies reading (a bit lower for fiction).  No wonder she's so frustrated and downtrodden all the time!

23 more days of school, not that anyone is counting.

Needless to say, my reading pile on my bedside table contains several parenting books once again.

Fish oil:  You can taste the DHA in the DHA eggs.  They taste fishy.  I can cover a large amount of fish oil with mint extract, however.  DD is now getting 200 mg per day in frozen "chocolate mint" bars:  Food processor 1 can black beans, 3T honey, 2T cocoa powder, and fish oil.  Stir in 1/2 t peppermint extract & enough rolled oats to stiffen it up.  smooth out on wax paper & freeze.  Cut into bars, store in a zip loc in the freezer.  Looks nasty.  She loves them.  Go figure.

Running:  I'm still plugging away 4-5 times a week for 5 miles + long run Saturdays.  RP and I did the hilly 10 miler mid-April.  It was the second year for the race.  There were route problems last year, so they changed it around.  They made the route worse.  I think my RP and I will be finding another spring race next year!

NRR:  I got a package from my SS!  I sneaked the chocolates a few at a time as I was dealing with all the the above.  It was lovely to have a dingo at my side while I was reading research on misdiagnosis of ADHD in bored kids, dyslexia, Queen Bees (and their targets), etc.

Bec, so sorry it took me so long to get that package out.  It rode around in the car for ages, but I've been running from one point to another without time to stop at the post office.  The coffee is roasted at our local bike shop.

[kerc]

plady:  my heart goes out to you.  I've been reading along and not really sure what to say .... here's what I have to say about the cool kids and clothes and whatnot.  Remember these:?  I desperately wanted one. Desperately. But what I got was clothes from Penny's. For whatever reason it mattered so much to me that on the outside I looked like everyone else. I was seriously low-self esteem and frankly I thought it might be nice to match everyone else. My mom and dad (although they could easily afford it) said no. They told my grandma no. They wouldn't let me spend an ungodly amount of money on the shirt. It was soooooo hard.  In retrospect: totally stupid. No message could have gotten thru to me that I didn't need to be a billboard for this store.  You know what made me feel better?  Getting the "in" sweater from the Limited. It was a compromise (I might still own said sweater 20 years later). No advertizing, but at the same time I didn't feel like I stuck out. And now, I'm completely agast at the idea that I ever wanted to wear advertizing on my clothing. 

I guess what I'm saying is, I can understand where your daughter is coming from on the clothing front and there's no easy answer. But if you say, saw a Justice shirt (I dunno what it looks like) at the thrift --say its totally ugly. I would buy it for her -- just so she knows you do hear her. Also -- maybe its time to consider letting her think about a clothing budget? I know you're dealing with harder issues, but maybe this is one place she can take some control in her life?
 

Geo: nice to see you back. WHOA on the dd issues. How's ds doing in first grade?

Lisa: LOL at the boxes on the roof. We own an IKEA bunk bed. If I had 1000 dollars to spend on my kids' furniture, I'd buy nicer stuff. But they are most of the time happy. Except when they don't want to share a room.

Jennie and Jo:  are we doing a Wisconsin meet up?

And now I've run out of time.....

[JayGee]

kerc (and Plady) ~ I wanted that shirt too!  And my parents also said NO!!!!  Same with Jordache jeans.  And when I wanted to go see Grease in the theater like all my friends and my parents said no, but compromised by buying me the album.  It was hard to be un-cool.  DH had to wear his brother's AND sister's hand-me-downs (youngest of 5), but still managed to be cool in school.  Maybe it's different for girls.  I admit that my girls do have a few things from Justice (mostly t-shirts that I get on sale).  They also have a ton of hand-me-downs from the neighbor.  I think a small clothing allowance might be a good idea though.

Geo ~ no wonder you're overwhemed.  I hope your DD gets a teacher who understands her needs and issues better next year.  Good luck sorting everything out.  You certainly have your hands full, Mama .

Shanti ~ yay for getting a new computer.  I hope the big Enjo sale goes through for you.  Good luck navigating the meds for your DS.

RR ~ still nothing.  I had to teach 4th graders about Renoir this morning, so Pilates didn't happen and I have a PTO meeting this afternoon.  Maybe tonight?  I hope so.  Anyway, I'm definitely at the Y tomorrow for cardio circuit.

NRR ~  DS won the all around character award for his classroom and got to go on a special trip today to bring food donations to the food pantry and visit the police station where they will have a K9 demo.  The character awards are a huge deal at our school, so he's very proud of himself for being chosen.  Personally, I think he deserved it .  But I'm his mother! 

[Runningmommy]

Hey! 

My computer hard drive went out a little over a week ago, dh bought a new one and the IT guy at work was able to retrieve all my info from my old one and get it to my new hard drive.  Until all that was worked out (just finished up today) I've been on my phone for all things. 

Last week was crazy, psych visit and change of meds for ds1, which aren't doing much for his ADHD.  We are trying to find the balance with ADHD meds and his anxiety.  ds3 is straight A's in first grade and reading at a 5th/6th grade level. 

My friend's baby died last week, 3 week old.  Was born with a brain disorder that they just found out about several weeks before birth.  Open casket funeral on Saturday was VERY difficult to attend, can't imagine how hard that is for the family.  The mom asked me to knit a blanket for the casket to have her daughter burried with so I speed knit for two days to get it done.  Add that to running around for two kids dr visits, two different  pharmacies for medications, still need xrays for one kid, gathering things for the funeral from our mom's group, my week was crazy. 

Tomorrow morning I plan on taking my motorcycle test. 

RR: HIIT work out this morning due to cramped time (so hard to get out of bed some mornings).   Looking forward to a run tomorrow as well as grocery shopping. Off to make my list now. 

[Geofizz]

Originally Posted by kerc 

?  I desperately wanted one. Desperately. But what I got was clothes from Penny's. For whatever reason it mattered so much to me that on the outside I looked like everyone else. I was seriously low-self esteem and frankly I thought it might be nice to match everyone else. My mom and dad (although they could easily afford it) said no. They told my grandma no. They wouldn't let me spend an ungodly amount of money on the shirt. It was soooooo hard.  In retrospect: totally stupid. No message could have gotten thru to me that I didn't need to be a billboard for this store.  You know what made me feel better?  Getting the "in" sweater from the Limited. It was a compromise (I might still own said sweater 20 years later). No advertizing, but at the same time I didn't feel like I stuck out. And now, I'm completely agast at the idea that I ever wanted to wear advertizing on my clothing. 

I guess what I'm saying is, I can understand where your daughter is coming from on the clothing front and there's no easy answer. But if you say, saw a Justice shirt (I dunno what it looks like) at the thrift --say its totally ugly. I would buy it for her -- just so she knows you do hear her. Also -- maybe its time to consider letting her think about a clothing budget? I know you're dealing with harder issues, but maybe this is one place she can take some control in her life?
 

Geo: nice to see you back. WHOA on the dd issues. How's ds doing in first grade?

For me it was Guess jeans.  My mom made me a deal:  She'd pay the $20 that she'd normally pay for a new pair of jeans, and I'd make up the difference.  I saved up $30, and my mom found an outlet that sold them for $50.  We went and bought me my pair -- stone washed, ankle zippered jeans with the coveted triangle on the rear.  My first and last pair of Guess jeans.

I went onto a clothing allowance a few years after that.  I got a certain amount each month for clothes, and it was up to me to shop for and buy the clothes.  Everything was to be included in my allowance, straight down to the underwear. 

DS is still in kindergarten.  He goes to 2nd for math.  The move to first would have required he go into the room that DD was in for 1/2, and it was explained to me that first grade is really humming and into their routines for the spring, and teachers don't like to interrupt things.  I took that as a translation for the teacher having said she didn't want to work with my family again.  He's totally smitten with his math teacher (he writes her love notes), and he's living up the last 23 days of half day school.

ETA: Lisa, how sad.  You are such a good friend to do that for her.

[sparkletruck]

Wow to all. What full plates you have!!

Plady - happy to hear about the progress. It sounds to me like you are handling it perfectly. I have thought about how I will handle the whole coolness thing when it happens, b/c of course as an adult we see how much of a waste of time and energy it all was, but how to convey that to a kid in the middle of it. I think your conversation sounds like the perfect beginning to an ongoing conversation about what cool is and why we care. It's ironic that cool is an attitude, and once you have it, whatever trend you wear is cool Anyway, she's lucky to have you as a guide through this!!

Geo - Wow. Poor K! The bullying and the frustrating learning combination. I know it sucks to be in it, but I can imagine this cultivating a really interesting, complex, mature kid to you as you navigate it all

Nic - stinkin' cold; doesnt it know you have other things to do! Ironically, it sounds like your thinking about life is clear headed. Sounds like several good possibilities, and that you are taking them all as they come.

Jo - If you do pursue the Nystatin, get the powder (hard to come by). Pharmacists will try to give you the syrup, but um, yeah, its a syrup. Powder dose is 1/4 tsp. mixed w/ water, and it tastes like formaldehyde

Lisa - oh my gosh, that sounds very hard, but what a great gift you gave, busting that out. And on top of caring for your boys so well!! to you

RR: Nada

NRR: Closing on Wed., take possession on Thurs., leave for Regionals in UT Fri. We are having some floors re-done and some construction, so will not move until the end of the month when we close here. Inspections here are tomorrow...

[Geofizz]

Plady, one of the books on my nightstand is the Queen Bees and Wannabees book. It's as useful, and as scary, as others have recommended. It's got a lot about the cool factor in there. I recommend reading with a good, stiff drink in hand. The books is plenty sobering,you need something to counter it.

Originally Posted by sparkletruck 

Geo - Wow. Poor K! The bullying and the frustrating learning combination. I know it sucks to be in it, but I can imagine this cultivating a really interesting, complex, mature kid to you as you navigate it all
tomorrow...

You know, it's easy to lose track of all this, but she already is an interesting, complex, mature kid. It's amazing the insight an introspective kid comes up with of human nature when she cannot reliably recognize her peers. She leaves her therapist in a really introspective mood. We've had some amazing conversations about bullying and sportsmanship amongst kids you do and do not know. She has a clear sense of doing right to others because even when you don't know them (or think you don't even though they know you), they have feelings and they take thenegative consequences of poor sportsmanship (or bullying by extension) home with them.

Ok ladies, this Mama Needs a Run, There's a thunderstorm rolling in. Grrrr.

[1jooj]

Geo, I'm happy to see you're here. Your dd sounds like such an incredibly complex girl. And a lucky one, I have to say, that you're her mama. That combination of compassion, even without direct, clear empathy, due to all these cognitive idiosyncrasies, has got to make a therapist contemplate. Happy you've found time to run through the discoveries and difficulties and hard work. And we've missed you here. 

RM, I am sure your gift to that mama's baby was pure comfort to mama. I hope you find the balance with ds. Have you tried any of the food-based approaches (see Geo's fish oil bars)? I could totally see how ADHD meds could spike anxiety. And wtg on the reading, ds3!

Been reading a little on the binge eating brain, and yesterday was a good, good day, as a result. Moving my day around, rearranging cues and avoiding triggers. Put the kids in the pool for a 40-min swim mid-homework to energize ds's brain, get the wiggles out of dd and make sure both kids would sleep. Did another shopping day, and man, I felt like a superstar. Drove down to my preferred parking garage without once hearing "recalculating" even once . Walked straight to my preferred kitsch shop and bought some nice things from some Afghan fellows, crossed the Creek on the abra with a crowd of men, bought a couple more gifts, and all these adventures were enjoyed behind large crowds of German tourists. I'm almost finished with gift-buying now. Might look at the mall today. I am pulling the kids at lunch and meeting up with a couple of the moms from the homeschool group. 

On coolness: we didn't have the money, period. If someone would have given any of us something "cool" as a gift, my mom would not have stood against it, but we weren't allowed to even consider her money or ours for such things. I know Mom tried hard to fit us in, and there were (luckily?) enough other farmer and low-income families in our district that those "cool" kids were not so many, and the dynamic was actually such that they even got made fun of for their "cool" clothes. But we did all go through it, though probably around 6th/7th grade, and not 2nd-5th like seems to be the norm now.

In our situation, while uniforms eliminate the issue (with regard only to textiles), birthday parties and "special" days are beyond belief. And shoe coolness is a thing, and cell phones/Blackberry/iPhone, and iPads and game thingies... And we limit our kids in all these areas, and man, they feel it. Frankly, I don't know how parents afford all the luxury items they buy--for themselves and their kids. Of course, here in Dubai, that's why you see abandoned luxury cars. They max out their credit and leave before they can be caught and placed in debtor's prison.  And that's what we remind the kids. When we see an especially ridiculous car, or whatever, we remind them it all belongs to the bank/cc card company.

Plady, I felt indicted reading your principled statement. Because I feel exactly the same way, and yet here I am. Well, at least even dh happily discovered there is no real joy in hollow material wealth. Which is a pretty big discovery. Still don't know if it's worth it, though.

RR: Plan is to walk 8 miles on the beach as soon as the bus leaves the front garden. Which is in about half an hour.

[Realrellim]

Geo--glad to hear you're getting some answers, though I'm really sorry to hear about the classmate issues. I hope she can stick together with the two other girls. My experience in sticking up for kids was that it just made one more unpopular--not that it ever stopped me from doing it. I was unpopular anyhow, so it's not like I had much to lose. I wish I had wisdom to impart. It's true that being confident can help stop the problem, but I'm not sure that's a fake-it-'til-you-make-it kind of thing. Maybe worth trying anyhow? What helped me was moving and attending a larger school with a lot of equally geeky people. That's pretty much what I still do. The asynchronous development in decoding, spelling and reading skills explains a lot too. I'm sorry to hear about the misdiagnoses, though I think a lot of really bright kids have some elements of all of those (see: R's entire class). DH and I both have a certain amount of OCD (not diagnostic), and I can see a lot of ADHD/aspie behavior in DH as well--trouble dealing with change, doesn't pick up on non-verbal cues, gets hung up on numbers without reference to context, etc. Again, not diagnostic. It's more of a "bonus trait" often connected to anxiety or unwillingness to do something in his case (with R, it's almost always anxiety). There's a fair amount of that among R's classmates. Hopefully this will be a breakthrough and next year will bring a teacher who can navigate the behavior nuances.

Plady--that does sound more like a growing pains problem than anything. Also, ditto to what kerc said. I wouldn't buy my kid a bunch of expensive stuff, but I remember wishing I could have just one popular shirt or something as a birthday gift, even if it was the only thing I got. I was so geeky and awkward it probably wouldn't have made a different, but at least I would have been able to try out the solution rather than just hear "if they're laughing, you don't need them 'cause they're not good friends" (remember Will Smith's "Parents Just Don't Understand"?). Sorry to hear about your well pump too. Hopefully it will be simple and you won't need to replace the pump.

Shanti--happy to hear about the new computer. And regarding the meds: keep reminding yourself that there's a time and place for them, and this is it. :hugs

JayGee--congrats to your DS!

RM--Hope you get that run in tomorrow, and I'm so sorry about your friend's baby.

sparkle--hang in there!

1jooj--have a nice run.

I've hit that spot where I'm feeling overwhelmed and want to either tackle it all, immediately, or else completely avoid it. Unfortunately, my stress is manifesting itself physically, in the form of shin splints (or something) on my right shin, noticed mostly when I'm trying to figure out how to fit in work/revising the article/running/other life or feeling guilty about not having gotten much done in revisions, etc. I'm guessing avoidance won't help that problem. I'm having fantasies of getting most of the work done in the next week and then scheduling a massage. I'm 99% sure the shin splints are stress related. My leg didn't bother me at all while running 20 miles a week ago, but then I'll be in the shower trying to figure out when I'm going to fit in an 8-miler and thinking geez, I'm such a loser, I've barely made progress on those revisions and there they are. It's happened before too. When I edited the student newspaper, my left forearm itched all the time. Similar stuff happened during both pregnancies, and in the last year, if I'm stressed, my calf tenses up, sometimes to the point that it feels like there's a band winding around the middle. Go figure.

[sparkletruck]

The thing that gets me about the 'cool' is that, while I had a modest clothing allowance, I wish someone had asked me about my values, as Plady did with C, rather than, or maybe in addition to, letting me explore the 'fitting in' trope. I see now that my job then, as now, is to pay attention to what I value, and find what I love from that, and then pursue that love. Paying attention to 'cool' or not cool in my case, is a red herring in this journey. Maybe comparisons help, but I dont think so.

Dh is sort of a Zen idiot about life, without the idiot part. He has stumbled into and through things without the angst I have. He describes being an uncool teen-ager wondering how to be cool, and then one day deciding that he doesnt give a sh** about cool, and ending up - he and his uncool friends - the popular boys (he also told me, in a conversation about depression soon after we met, "if someone is depressed and they dont want to be, than just dont be" ... and I thought 'I'll sleep with him, but this is going no where )... happily, we found middle ground

Turning inward is essential. I hope I can guide my kids to this sooner than later...

[1jooj]

Ugh, forget it. I ambled for about 4.5mi and came home and did a short indoor workout. It's 100F out there already. No one was even on the beach.

At least I did something. Need to keep it all in perspective through these next three weeks (19 days, but who's counting, right?). It's hard enough to keep cool and hydrated enough at all, much less while trying to work out.

[Plady]

Jo, I suspect, in fact I recall from your farming days, that given the opportunity to reduce/reuse/recycle you'd be in the same boat with me.  But you're in Dubai and there's only so much you can fight a system, at least one that you have only temporary allegiance to.  I don't want to judge, there aren't any bullies here that I've ever noticed and we all struggle to make choices that work for us on as many levels as possible. 

RM - What a nice gift for your friend.  I'm so sorry for her loss.

Geo - Wow!  No wonder you've been laying low, I'm amazed you've got spare energy for anything.  I'm so sad for your dd.  Adding the bullying on to everything else just hurts to think about. Here's hoping for easier times ahead.

Real - I hope you can find a happy balance, I hate being that place where I need to attend to so many things that I start getting paralyzed.  It'll pass though, right?

Re: Coveted clothing - Yeah, I wanted Reebok high tops, black.  I thought that having those would for sure make me cool.  I finally did get some, I think I had to pony up the difference from the Olympians I would normally have been allowed.  I also recall that once I had them I felt not cool, but like a poser.  Like I'd stolen some cool kids shoes.  It took me a while to enjoy them but they certainly didn't make me suddenly feel cool.  Like Sparkle's dh I finally discovered I was popular (at least a bit, not like The Popular One or anything) when I gave up trying to figure it out.

[Nickarolaberry]

Hi mamas,

I'm going to be self absorbed for a moment, pardon me.  Could use some advice and info.

I took dd1 to the doctor today for a physical. She's 11 1/2. Among other issues (high anxiety, which she suggested we find a counselor for, and she's right) dd1 is at the top of the acceptable area for BMI etc. She gets exercise but she definitely takes after mom in the "Jewish Russian Peasant Body Type" department and her weight will always be something of a challenge for her, I suspect. She is a vegetarian and tends to the 'white' -- pasta, cheese, potatoes, etc. I am working on this.

But the doctor also suggested that I get her crystal light powder etc. instead of juice, and skim milk instead of whole. I buy organic whole milk right from the farm (it's pasteurized, not raw) and she drinks maybe 1 glass a day; my research has led me to believe this is better than skim because it has all the nutrition still in it. Am I wrong? And crystal light?! She gets maybe 1-2 glasses (small) of juice a day; usually 100% juice cranberry, sometimes grape (on Shabbat). I know juice isn't healthy but I just don't feel like artificial sweeteners are a good idea. At school she totes around a bottle of water but she says she'd be more likely to drink more with the powder added. I think  but then again I am only now really kicking my DC habit (which I am happy and proud to say I have NOT HAD in 3 days -- replaced with seltzer and a splash of real cranberry juice). Doctor says cranberry pills would be better (she had a bladder thing which was why the juice).

I like this doctor, she seems very approachable and kind. She was totally fine with my saying NO WAY to Guardisil and the Meningitis vaccines. She was very patient and gentle with dd who was freaking out at the paper gown thing and used humor and kindness to get dd to see the benefits of having someone to talk to about her anxiety. So the nutrition component is maybe a weak spot but not a deal breaker. Can someone give me some guidance here?

Jo, can't wait for you to come back stateside!

Plady...we haven't dealt with the 'cool' factor too much yet but the kids have very definite opinions on clothes and it's getting harder to satisfy them with my thrift store/secondhand finds (although thankfully they still think a trip to the Goodwill is a good time. ). I Had. To. Have. the jordache purse and oddly insisted on that weird horsetail ponytail thing that was popular, and let me just say here that it does NOT LOOK GOOD in an afro (which is what I had). Bad News. Made my already geeky nerdy unpopularity get even worse, sigh. I understand that desperation though. So painful.

[Geofizz]

Nic, I wonder if you could track her diet and activity over a few weeks and see where she's at calorie-wise for both input and output.  If you chose to replace the juice with capsules, you might just want to go to straight water instead.  Or you could see if she would accept lemon in the water as some flavor.  I'm with you about not wanting to go down the path of artificial sweeteners.  Any focus on her weight will become a negative force.  You don't want to discuss any dietary changes in light of her weight.  That just won't end well.  Making a change to just her diet, therefore, will be interpreted as a result of her weight, so any change you make, you might want to consider making it for the whole family. 

Before puberty, girl's weight also tends to go up some in preparation for a big growth spurt and change in body shape.  It could just be the temporary "store it up" change, but it's hard to know. 

How much exercise does she get?  Do you have a local girls on the run?  Would she be willing to ride her bike alongside you during your runs?

Did this conversation happen in front of you DD?  Hopefully it happened just in private?!?  I wonder if you could do a summer project in learning more about food, nutrition, and portion sizes under the guise of leading a healthy life, not in terms of her weight.  You can show her the lack of nutrition and the whollop of calories in the white food group, and cast that not as something that is bad for her, but instead of taking the place of something else she needs.  As with dietary changes going for the whole family, if you do this with her, you should run the summer project for all three kids.  I'm contemplating doing something similar with both kids, prompted by DD mentioning that her teachers always say during their health units that they should eat a certain number of servings of different food groups, but that DD had no idea how big a serving is.  We're going to treat it almost like a scientific experiment in which they collect the data and analyze it.  But I'm a geek like that.
 

[Mel38]

Originally Posted by Geofizz 

Nic, I wonder if you could track her diet and activity over a few weeks and see where she's at calorie-wise for both input and output.  If you chose to replace the juice with capsules, you might just want to go to straight water instead.  Or you could see if she would accept lemon in the water as some flavor.  I'm with you about not wanting to go down the path of artificial sweeteners.  Any focus on her weight will become a negative force.  You don't want to discuss any dietary changes in light of her weight.  That just won't end well.  Making a change to just her diet, therefore, will be interpreted as a result of her weight, so any change you make, you might want to consider making it for the whole family. 

Before puberty, girl's weight also tends to go up some in preparation for a big growth spurt and change in body shape.  It could just be the temporary "store it up" change, but it's hard to know. 

How much exercise does she get?  Do you have a local girls on the run?  Would she be willing to ride her bike alongside you during your runs?

Did this conversation happen in front of you DD?  Hopefully it happened just in private?!?  I wonder if you could do a summer project in learning more about food, nutrition, and portion sizes under the guise of leading a healthy life, not in terms of her weight.  You can show her the lack of nutrition and the whollop of calories in the white food group, and cast that not as something that is bad for her, but instead of taking the place of something else she needs.  As with dietary changes going for the whole family, if you do this with her, you should run the summer project for all three kids.  I'm contemplating doing something similar with both kids, prompted by DD mentioning that her teachers always say during their health units that they should eat a certain number of servings of different food groups, but that DD had no idea how big a serving is.  We're going to treat it almost like a scientific experiment in which they collect the data and analyze it.  But I'm a geek like that.
 

All of this. It sounds like her diet, overall, is fine - especially judging from what you write about the delicious & healthy food served in your home. I like the aspect of making sports a part of her life and not focusing on the food. You are teaching her everything she needs to know about that.

I don't like the Crystal Light idea much. I do water down the kids juice, half and half for apple juice, and my older two now like bubbly water in their juice, like selzer or mineral water.

[Geofizz]

Another thought on activity:  DH and I have an agreed upon goal for sports for the kids -- our goal is that the learn to love physical activity and look forward to it.  We want them to find something they can continue into adulthood.  We've discussed how exercise affects her mood and energy levels, and we take note during dinner time conversations about our own moods and energy levels in response to exercise.  DH is quite open about informing a grumpy mommy at the dinner table that the family will be fine without me if I'd like to go for a run.  I make a point of returning and mentioning how much better I feel.
 

[kerc]

Originally Posted by Geofizz 
Did this conversation happen in front of you DD?  Hopefully it happened just in private?!?  I wonder if you could do a summer project in learning more about food, nutrition, and portion sizes under the guise of leading a healthy life, not in terms of her weight.  You can show her the lack of nutrition and the whollop of calories in the white food group, and cast that not as something that is bad for her, but instead of taking the place of something else she needs.  As with dietary changes going for the whole family, if you do this with her, you should run the summer project for all three kids.  I'm contemplating doing something similar with both kids, prompted by DD mentioning that her teachers always say during their health units that they should eat a certain number of servings of different food groups, but that DD had no idea how big a serving is.  We're going to treat it almost like a scientific experiment in which they collect the data and analyze it.  But I'm a geek like that.
 

But if it DID happen in front of your dd .....  there's a place for you to say that you respect the doc, the doc is the expert on medical advice, but that you choose to disagree with her nutrition information because of ___, ____, and _____.  (and one of those places might be to say just how little training in nutrition docs get in med school).  I would also put forth to your dd the information this study found. I linked from web md, but you could get the actual study.

I am very ectomorph. My husband is very mesomorph. We still spend lots of time talking about mass balance as in: the calories just have to go someplace.

Funny you post about nutrition because I had a very engaging conversation in class  this morning about the environmental impacts of the local food movements. (and so much more about consumption of goods and money).  I realized over the weekend what a total freak family we are in terms of food. I'm ok with that. But I was trying to get across the idea to my students that you can work full time, have a family, have a life AND eat local, good food. It just takes a few minutes of slowing down to plan.

[Nickarolaberry]

Thank you mamas. I  the Dingoes. You pretty much have summed up where I am at and what we try to do here. It was in front of dd but we will do some repair work this afternoon and talk a bit about why things like CL are not a great choice, and healthy eating, local diet, etc. She is reading that book and that helps a LOT.

Also she is getting her red belt in karate this afternoon. She only started in march and just loves it. I am also thinking a new bike when she comes home from camp, as her old one really is a bit too small. and less white stuff around here.

I am sure we will be back for more strength from the Dingoes.