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Finding out or NOT finding out the baby's sex?

post #1 of 46
Thread Starter 

I know that lots of people are finding out the sex of their little one(s), so I have a couple of questions.


1) Our u/s is on Monday and we are not finding out, and I'm just curious to see if there's anyone else out there who is waiting until the birth? I'd love to hear from you.


2) For those who are finding out, do you want the sex of the baby added to the EDD list?  I noticed that they're doing this over in the September group and thought that people might be interested in doing the same here.

post #2 of 46

I won't find out this time (not having any u/s unless needed medically) and didn't find out the first two times. I really wanted a girl with #1 and she was; ditto #2. I did have u/s with the my girls, but specifically did not ask about sex and asked not to be told if they saw anything. 


I'd prefer a girl, but I'm happy with a healthy baby this time. I really didn't want to find out with #1, because I so wanted a girl and I knew I'd spend the rest of my pregnancy unhappy if it was a boy, but if it was a boy and I found out at birth, I knew I would just love it because of hormones etc. 

post #3 of 46

I am finding out, but we are going to try not telling everyone else.  I would like to know to just to know.  But, I don't particularly want a bunch of blue stuff or a bunch of pink stuff.  I have been looking at baby clothes and where has all the neutral stuff gone??  I am a girl who lives in skirts  and dresses over the summer but pink has never been on the top of my list!  


As for your second question, I have no strong feeling one way or the other :)

post #4 of 46

We are hoping baby cooperates at our u/s next Friday so we can find out. Er, I am hoping. DH is just going along - he would prefer not to find out. But he finally conceded that I get 51% say in whether we do or not. :-) 


I don't care if you add sex to the DD list or not. 



post #5 of 46
We are excited to find out....I have thought waiting bc that sounds exciting....but i found out with our 1st 2 and that feels most natural to me. May 30 is the big 20 week u/s for us!!!
post #6 of 46
Oh-- i forgot....doesn't matter to me ahout the edd list. I'll probably put it in my signature!
post #7 of 46

We aren't finding out this time.  This pregnancy is just so all around different from my last one.  I wanted to know then and it was good that we found out as I needed lots of time to adjust to the idea and get excited about having a boy.  This time a) we don't want to do the anatomy scan (it became a downward spiral of unnecessary medicalization and interventions for my last pregnancy) and b) I can picture our family with either another boy or a girl and feel totally at peace with it, so I want to keep that surprise for when the baby is born.


Our family (actually including DH) doesn't like this approach too much.  They all want to know like yesterday.  DH has said though that he'll respect my decision with this.  I'm lucky he's willing to compromise on this and be so supportive.  He also fully agrees with me on the anatomy scan part based on our previous experience.

post #8 of 46

We are mainly because my older two want another sister so if its a boy its going to be a major disappointment for the girls.. They will need time to adjust!

post #9 of 46

I can hardly wait! I really dont mind either way but the day we found out with DS was one of the most memorable and most lovely day of my life. We did the 'card' thing where the sonographer put the blue/pink card into an envelope along with a picture and we went out for bunch and opened it. It was so much fun, especially as I was 100% sure we were having a girl (we had a boy). We'll do something similar this time around.


I don't mind about whether sex gets added to the list, but thanks for thinking of it, Dandy.


Cindy, I just called the ultrasound place and moved up the date of my scan to next Friday, too! I know you're planning on not opening your announcement until Mother's day, but I'm excited to learn what you're having.

post #10 of 46
Originally Posted by asteph View Post

I have been looking at baby clothes and where has all the neutral stuff gone??

I totally agree.  It seems like I found a good bit of it even just a few years ago when I was pregnant with DS.  This time around I haven't found much of anything that is gender neutral.

post #11 of 46

I can't decide. I didn't find out with my son, but then again I didn't have any u/s either as that was a planned homebirth (homebirth-turned-c-section). it was interesting because both my husband and I dreamed it was a boy, and my intuition told me all along it was a boy. :)


This time around I've already had two u/s and I'm not keen on another one so soon, and don't know that finding out the gender is a priority for us. Except I wonder when it comes to my son (3yo), if it may help him better adjust if he knows what to expect? Or perhaps it doesn't really matter, after all, a baby's a baby??

post #12 of 46

We like to keep baby's sex a surprise. I'm always a little amused at how this bugs some people in my life. They *really* want to know. I liken it to peeking at my presents before Christmas morning.

I also feel like if I knew baby's sex ahead of time, I may start forming ideas about what I thought he or she is going to be like. This way, I keep the white canvas clean for how this particular, amazing child is going to be. All that said, we have our first u/s on Monday and in that moment, it is soooo tempting.

I had no intuitive sense with my first pregnancy if we were having a boy or girl. DH was certain it was a boy. It wasn't. This time, I find myself referring to the baby as he. Hmmm... I guess we'll see in October!

Thanks for starting this thread, Dandy! I look forward to hearing everyone else's thoughts on the subject.

post #13 of 46

We are going to find out.  My 20 week ultrasound will be a week or two before our wedding, so we are going to save the surprise for our reception and find out then.  I'm excited because it will be the first time I have met most of my fiance's family, even though we've been together for almost three years.  I think everyone will enjoy being included in the actual moment that we find out as a couple.  


Any ideas on fun ways to reveal gender?  :)  

post #14 of 46

We didn't find out with our first and it was a blast waiting till he was born to know! And this time we planned the same but some how that didn't get told to the guy doing our ultrasound!!!! duh.gif


He turned the machine on and says "oh look little boy parts!" My husband and I both wanted to strangle him!!!! hammer.gif jaw2.gif It was sort of our fault for not walking straight in the room and saying "DON'T tell us the gender!" But we had the same guy do it for our first one and he asked before starting so we were able to tell him we didn't want to know.


Still kind of upset..... Can't change it now... but we are just keeping it in the family and telling everyone else "we didn't want to know" which isn't a lie right? Its not saying we know the gender but rather we don't want to know which was and is true!! winky.gif

post #15 of 46

We aren't finding out. We did with ds, and I was so pleased to know early on. I think it was just helpful for me with all the other things I was thinking about with the pregnancy/birth and future parenting choices. To know for certain one thing about the pregnancy and its outcome was really nice. lol


This time, we're going the UP/UC route, so there's not really an easy way for us to find out anyway. But I have a different feeling towards ultrasounds and doppler this go around as well, so I'm positive we wouldn't have found out anyway. Plus, and I know this is probably just me, it's a nice way to make this second experience special...with all the stuff going on with already having one child, I'm not having as much time to focus on this pregnancy as I did with ds, so it's nice to have something to savor and think about and wonder that's just 'extra' special. Family is a bit at odds about it though. lol Which I just think is sort of funny because why would the sex EVER matter to anyone besides the ppl HAVING said child?!

post #16 of 46

I'm planning to find out, hopefully at around 18 weeks or so. (I'm 16weeks now) We found out with my ds and I liked being able to choose a name and plan ahead. I'm really hoping for a girl this time around. If this one is a girl, we won't find out for our third. We'll see. 

post #17 of 46

We're the same as MommyofNRM - hopefully in a couple of weeks we'll know! I can't wait to find out - it gives me something to look forward to after the morning sickness, and at the halfway point. I need it for bonding and planning (so does DH). Also we'd like to help DS make a connection. 

I think all the surprise ways to share/find out are really great, but honestly hearing the words "it's a ......" in the ultrasound will bring tears to our eyes right there (unless you don't want to know...that's awful Pastrypuff!). We'll surprise the rest of the family in a fun way though:)


I still bought lots of nice neutral colours with DS in case we had a girl next, so we have lot of stuff we can reuse either way (brown carseat, lots of browns & greens & no labels in clothing, brown snowsuit etc) 


It doesn't matter either way if we do the list of boy/girls :)

post #18 of 46

We are not finding out. My husband always wants to find out, but I get the heavier vote :) We did not find out w/ dd1 & that was fun since she was our first & I did not want a lot of gendered nb clothing, etc. Were hoping for a boy and totally did not care at her birth. Were thrilled that she was a girl, it felt so perfect to me. With dd2 we did find out. Again, wanted a boy, just had to know! It was a shock for dh, but it instantly bonded me to dd2. Did not help for picking out names, still had none going into her birth. This time, we are not finding out. That is my vote again. Everything about this baby has been a surprise, I'd like to keep it that way. Plus, again, we would *really* like a boy (this is most likely our last bio kid) and, idk about dh, but I would have negative feelings if I found out it was a girl. I do NOT want that to happen & at the birth I absolutely will not care, I will be so happy that it won't matter. I don't want negative feelings towards my unborn & I am enjoying the little mystery. We have three girl names picked out this time (a miracle!), so that's taken care of. Most of our family likes it when we don't find out b/c they think the surprise is fun, too. The comment I hear the most is, "Good for you, that is more exciting."


I am actually worried that somehow we will see the private parts and know ahead of time. I DO NOT WANT TO KNOW! That makes me actually want to NOT get an anatomy scan, but I have been having a deep feeling that I really really should get one, so I will be.


A few of the clothing companies have been using grey for their gender neutral newborn clothes for the past few years. Excuse me, but what? I don't want to put my baby, esp a baby girl, in grey. What happened to yellow and green and orange?

post #19 of 46

Zub: Are you going to wait until Mother's Day too or open it another day/same day as scan? Can't wait for Friday!!


Sunnyperch: I've had some moms tell me that knowing the gender in advance did help their older child help bond with baby - but I have plenty of friends who didn't find out and their older kids are just as bonded to their little siblings. I do think it will help make the idea a bit more concrete for my DD though - I think the idea is SO abstract to her right now. She gets it on one level, but knowing how hard it was for me to fully grasp before she was born, I can only imagine what it must be like for a 3 yr old to wrap their minds around. :-) Maybe knowing if it's a brother or sister will help her picture things a bit more. 


I'm hoping finding out will help things seem a bit more real for myself. ;-) LOL. 



post #20 of 46

Scheduled my ultrasound today! We should find out the gender on May 25th! biggrinbounce.gif

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