post #21 of 21

I just kicked my husband out of my house about two months ago.  We've been married over 10 years and I've been feeling like you have for at least 8 of those years.  My husband was thrown into detox when my oldest was 3 months old.  In the past 2-3 years he started punching me and choking me in my sleep.  My kids, even my 3 year old always ask (even now) before they take a sip of water from a glass that's out because we've all had times when what we *thought* was water was really vodka.  He once told my oldest (who is only 9) to come into the bedroom to tell him that "he sucked."  Finally about 3 days before I told him I wanted him to leave, I came home from a girls night out w/ some work friends and he was all but passed out on the couch - he was "watching" the kids.  It was 7:00pm.  When he got into bed he was yelling at me from the other room and ended up saying that he wished I would die. 


Mama, I know it's really hard.  I thought I could hang on until my kids were out of high school, but those little souls absorb so much more than you think they do.  My daughter told me that it was okay if he got like that because "all dads do that."  I haven't had to sleep on the couch once since he's been gone and I think we all feel at peace.  I would urge you to start planning.  I thought this would be the low point my H needed to straighten up.  I think he stopped drinking for two weeks and now I know he's back at the bar.  He'll probably keep it under control for a few months and then go back to his normal pattern.  My friends and family say that I look happier than I have in years.


People everywhere, on this forum even, had been telling me for years to leave him, and I hung on.  I realize now that I have just been enabling him for the entire time we've been together.  He's really upset with me and keeps asking me if I'm going to throw away the past ten years.  My response to that is that I gained the rest of my life.


I don't really have any advice, but if you ever need to talk, I definitely understand.  You can always pm, even if you just need to vent.


Hang in there and hugs to you.