Welcome new ladies and congratulations on your coming babies. I would gently say that any generalization about babies' sizes or when they arrive due to race is probably B.S., as are any generalizations about them being more beautiful than other children. I am multi-ethnic (mostly Southern European) and my husband is African American and Jewish. Both my daughters were average to small; one arrived on time and one a week late. My husband and his brothers were all averaged sized, as were my siblings (I was early, and thus a bit small). I know babies with two "black" parents who were born large and small, early, late, and on time. A baby's size at birth is determined by his/her parents' size at birth. If you or the father had a high birth weight, your baby may as well. Race is totally irrelevant. Black babies and mixed race babies, which your baby will be, are as diverse as "white babies". My daughters are beautiful because they are perfect, beautiful little people, not because they are mixed. It is natural to have some questions about communities/people we are less familiar with. Our children are bound to face some curiosity, judgments,stereotypes, and even some negativity from the outside world. We need to make sure that we do not perpetuate any of these on them from within our families. Your babies will be unique because they are individuals, not because of their race(s). That said, this is a good, safe place to ask questions, so we can be the most supportive parents to our children.
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Multicultural or Mixed Race families - Page 5post #81 of 913/2/13 at 12:07amThread Starterpost #82 of 913/3/13 at 1:10pmpost #83 of 913/5/13 at 7:35amHi all,
I'm new to this as well. DH and I are currently expecting a little girl (I'm 19 weeks). We're definitely multicultural because I'm mostly Mexican (Spanish/native/little French) and a bit English/Welsh. My DH is Hungarian ethnically but was born in Romania, so he speaks both languages. I will speak to DD in mostly Spanish and her grandparents will speak to her in Hungarian because they don't even know English! It will be interesting to see what she looks like. I'm thinking she'll have a lighter skin tone with brown or hazel eyes and medium to light brown hair. I have an olive complexion, dark brown eyes and dark brown hair. DH is pale with hazel/light brown eyes and light brown hair.
All your photos are very cute! I'm so excited for late July/early August to get here so I can meet my little girl.post #84 of 913/6/13 at 3:31pm
I haven't read thru all the thread yet, but I wanted to introduce us while I'm reading, then join discussions, if it's ok C:
I am mostly swiss & irish w other euro, african (way back), blackfoot native (way back). Visually my hair (& dd's hair & a cousin or 2's hair) is our only tell-tale feature of our african ancestors; I pretty much look irish with really GREAT hair. DH is northern euro blend, not sure what-all, mostly british isles & german, we think. My XH was arab (thru & thru, although, he'd sometimes admit to a turkish ancestor way back & he's heterozygous for eye color-- I'm told this comes from a recessive gene from the turkish line for his family.. ie DS has greenish hazel eyes, but DD has dark brown).
We're expecting in sept & can't wait to see what our baby looks like & who s/he resembles & in what ways! My DC get guessed as so very many ethnicities (incidentally, no one ever guesses me-- they just ask if they need to know)! "Spanish" -- yes, someone actually named a language as an ethnicity; Choctaw -- in their defense, DD's nose is a mix of xh & mine & does slightly resemble what locals here call "the Choctaw nose" not in a derogatory way, but as in, I can see you're one of our own; etc... idk where they think dd's hair comes from bc their guesses are not usually ethnic groups known for this texture of hair...
I'm not sure if we actively prepared our dc to deal w the yuck at all, other than raising them w love & teaching that an unkindness is usually an opportunity to educate... & we haven't dealt w much. DH feared his granny would offend on a regular basis bc she's been known to make ugly racial slurs in the past, but she never has been anything but loving to us & she says my DC are the prettiest children she's ever seen. I think she finds them beautiful for the same reason that I do-- bc they're mine (of course, I admit to being biased toward the adorable-ness of my own children; I do love all children & think they are all beautiful, but yk, these are -my- cuties). (This is really sweet bc to her they are steps; it's nice to know she has that feeling that they're hers & thusly cuter to her than anyone else's grandbabies... & smarter, &&&... there's no reasoning w grandparents re the positive attributes of their g'children, lol.)post #85 of 913/8/13 at 10:14am
Maybe I shouldn't butt in here because I'm not in the situation. (My parents were foster parents, though, so growing up I had siblings of all colors.) We're all "different" in some way or another. I mean, here at this forum, most of us are "weird" to most people around us because of the lifestyle choices we've made. How do we prepare our children for reactions to that? I would think it wouldn't be significantly different (in how you go about preparing your children to anticipate/respond, I mean).
I know in our household, we teach our children that not everyone thinks like we do. That covers a WHOLE lot. They've grown up with baby dolls of all skin tones, so variation in appearance is normal to them, and I imagine they'd be pretty thrown for a loop to hear that there are people who don't think that way. But they'd pretty quickly put that into the context they already have, of "not everyone thinks like we do." It didn't take my oldest daughter long to figure out that there are people who think some pretty stupid things, as far as she's concerned. ;)post #86 of 913/11/13 at 12:51ampost #87 of 913/14/13 at 8:24amNT: I think that's a fair question. I believe very firmly that "color blindness" is an impossible and unworthy goal. There is no such thing as NOT noticing differences. It's all about what you do with the information once you notice someone's difference.
We are celebrating our skins, hair, and funny names because we SHOULD notice and celebrate them. How else will our kids learn that different is OK?
You are talking about racism and stereotyping, which I don't see being done here.
You're right to say that often, the conversation is superficial, but not right to say that superficiality is the same as endorsing stereotypes.
Black people's kids having kinky hair isn't a magazine stereotype we need to try an dispel--- it's just a physical fact. Why can't we notice and celebrate it if we want to?
If we don't notice and celebrate our superficial differences, their our kids will only see the celebration of mainstream stuff and sameness.post #88 of 913/14/13 at 12:05pm
I think some degree of "color-blindness" is possible. I remember my daughter getting a baby doll for Christmas when she was three, and beaming as she exclaimed, "Oh, look! It's a baby with brown..." Here I'm thinking, "Oh, brother." But she finished her sentence with, "...eyes." She literally never seemed to even notice that the whole baby was brown - just that her other dolls (up to that point) had blue eyes, and this baby had brown eyes.
But beyond that, I agree that differences are to celebrated as what makes us unique. At some point, "same" and "different" features will be recognized in people, just as they are in other areas of life. (I mean, we work at teaching young children to recognize what's the same or different!) They don't need to be "singled out," though, as "black" or "white" or "Asian" or whatever. My two oldest daughters look different from each other. Their eyes are different colors, their hair is different colors/textures. And although they are both "white," their skin is not identical. One looks lovely in soft, muted colors, while the other looks her best in light, bright colors. These are the things we dialogue about with them - so they will not compare themselves to others in a better/worse way ("So-and-so is prettier than I am.") but will each appreciate who they are. I don't see any good reason for this to not carry over to a friend who has lovely kinky curls or coffee-colored skin. Yes, it's different from DDs'. But so what, DD1's hair and skin are different from DD2's hair and skin, too - it's what gives them their individual beauty.
I think NT had a good point, in that I think sometimes we work so hard at overcoming discrimination that we actually unwittingly discriminate.
(Of course, we are the crazies who got dirty looks at the clerk's office when we applied for our marriage license, because it irked us that they asked for "race," and my husband wrote "human." The clerk was clearly not happy with us.)post #89 of 913/14/13 at 1:06pm
I had my second DS in September. I know, it's been a while since i've been here.
I was totally expecting baby to look more like his brother, but he doesn't. My recessive genes really came into play with this one. He has a fainter baby smell and he smiles A LOT!
What is funny, imo, is that both names for our children come from totally different cultures from either of ours. We have one Italian and one Welch. (although the Italian name is a family name from his side and has been appropriated, it is still from Italy).
I guess we're lucky in that i haven't noticed (noticed) any negative backlash to our family.
I hope everyone is doing well!post #90 of 913/14/13 at 2:12pmQuote:
I don't belong here as my husband and I have the similar backgrounds, but I just wanted to say that your husband's answer to the question of race is completely awesome and that clerk was a jerk.post #91 of 913/15/13 at 5:04pmThread Starter
NT- yeah for inspiring more action on the thread! It seems to me that most of our posts so far are introductions, in which a certain amount of superficiality and description of the way one's family looks seems appropriate. I like the idea of some kid friendly recipes from our various cultures. It also seems to be a great place to share cultural conflicts or misunderstandings without the expectation of judgement. A more active thread would enrich the topic base-here's hoping the action continues.
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