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[glassesgirlnj]

Hello, I'm also joining this thread!  I'm 40, my husband is 46, and we have a daughter who's almost six months old.  We were actually quite happy for 11 years together as a childfree couple, but when I got into my late 30s, we started "not trying to not conceive."  :)   After one miscarriage in summer 2009, our daughter was born around Thanksgiving 2011.

I know that "man plans, God laughs", but right now we're not planning to have any more children, and my husband is thinking about getting a vasectomy.  Considering our advanced ages with this child - and considering that I'm also caring for my mom, who's in a wheelchair - I think it's best to be able to focus our energy and resources on the one child we have now.

I've heard other parents of onlies echo what pickle18 said - you can "take your child everywhere".  What age does that start at?  ;) 

It seems like A will tolerate a couple hours in the carseat or sling at most, before she starts to get seriously overstimulated and overtired.  (She's very quiet, in a "shock and awe" way, while she's outside the house, but when we get her home after a too-long outing, she SCREAMS, sometimes for hours, and won't nap.)

I'd love to be one of these mamas I see who can babywear all day long, in the city, at a festival, etc. without running back home so their babies can sleep and decompress. 

Maybe their babies are just more extroverted than ours?  Or older?  (A is also pretty large for her age - 85th percentile for both height and weight - so it's possible my expectations are skewed.)

[cat13]

Originally Posted by glassesgirlnj 

Hello, I'm also joining this thread!  I'm 40, my husband is 46, and we have a daughter who's almost six months old.  We were actually quite happy for 11 years together as a childfree couple, but when I got into my late 30s, we started "not trying to not conceive."  :)   After one miscarriage in summer 2009, our daughter was born around Thanksgiving 2011.

I know that "man plans, God laughs", but right now we're not planning to have any more children, and my husband is thinking about getting a vasectomy.  Considering our advanced ages with this child - and considering that I'm also caring for my mom, who's in a wheelchair - I think it's best to be able to focus our energy and resources on the one child we have now.

I've heard other parents of onlies echo what pickle18 said - you can "take your child everywhere".  What age does that start at?  ;) 

It seems like A will tolerate a couple hours in the carseat or sling at most, before she starts to get seriously overstimulated and overtired.  (She's very quiet, in a "shock and awe" way, while she's outside the house, but when we get her home after a too-long outing, she SCREAMS, sometimes for hours, and won't nap.)

I'd love to be one of these mamas I see who can babywear all day long, in the city, at a festival, etc. without running back home so their babies can sleep and decompress. 

Maybe their babies are just more extroverted than ours?  Or older?  (A is also pretty large for her age - 85th percentile for both height and weight - so it's possible my expectations are skewed.)

I miss the days when DS (9 mo now) would sleep anywhere we went, up until 5 months or so. Now he does the same as your DD, he just waits until we get home and lets us know that he's not happy with a change in his nap schedule. 

[vydalea]

Originally Posted by glassesgirlnj 

Hello, I'm also joining this thread!  I'm 40, my husband is 46, and we have a daughter who's almost six months old.  We were actually quite happy for 11 years together as a childfree couple, but when I got into my late 30s, we started "not trying to not conceive."  :)   After one miscarriage in summer 2009, our daughter was born around Thanksgiving 2011.

I know that "man plans, God laughs", but right now we're not planning to have any more children, and my husband is thinking about getting a vasectomy.  Considering our advanced ages with this child - and considering that I'm also caring for my mom, who's in a wheelchair - I think it's best to be able to focus our energy and resources on the one child we have now.

I've heard other parents of onlies echo what pickle18 said - you can "take your child everywhere".  What age does that start at?  ;) 

It seems like A will tolerate a couple hours in the carseat or sling at most, before she starts to get seriously overstimulated and overtired.  (She's very quiet, in a "shock and awe" way, while she's outside the house, but when we get her home after a too-long outing, she SCREAMS, sometimes for hours, and won't nap.)

I'd love to be one of these mamas I see who can babywear all day long, in the city, at a festival, etc. without running back home so their babies can sleep and decompress. 

Maybe their babies are just more extroverted than ours?  Or older?  (A is also pretty large for her age - 85th percentile for both height and weight - so it's possible my expectations are skewed.)

Hi, Lady!  Now we can post on 2 boards together!

Z is pretty extroverted but never liked to be babyworn (is that the past tense? haha) for more than an hour- hour and a half.  I thought it was *because* of her extrovertedness - having to be a part of ev-er-y thing!  Also, right now at age 2 I can take her a lot MORE places, albeit still for shorter periods of time.   I'm sure it just depends on the child.  Here it also depends on the day.  ha! 

[pickle18]

Originally Posted by glassesgirlnj 

I've heard other parents of onlies echo what pickle18 said - you can "take your child everywhere".  What age does that start at?  ;) 

It seems like A will tolerate a couple hours in the carseat or sling at most, before she starts to get seriously overstimulated and overtired.  (She's very quiet, in a "shock and awe" way, while she's outside the house, but when we get her home after a too-long outing, she SCREAMS, sometimes for hours, and won't nap.)

I'd love to be one of these mamas I see who can babywear all day long, in the city, at a festival, etc. without running back home so their babies can sleep and decompress. 

Maybe their babies are just more extroverted than ours?  Or older?  (A is also pretty large for her age - 85th percentile for both height and weight - so it's possible my expectations are skewed.)

Hey, I said we could take him everywhere, I didn't say it wasn't without effort (or literally days of decompression tantrums as aftermath if we push it!) 

The carseat has never been ok with him AT ALL - until very recently.  He was never ever the kind of baby who fell asleep anywhere.  We had better luck with the sling (when he was tiny) and the Ergo (when he was a bit bigger) - he would nap wherever we were if I took him off somewhere quiet and nursed him to sleep in it, etc.  Now that he is 13 months, he's more likely to sleep in the car, but less likely to sleep in the Ergo (and he doesn't take a series of shorter naps, if he naps, it's more one long one - so he does need to be home for that usually).

He has always been very sensitive to where we were (in terms of getting overstimulated) so I completely get you there!  We've learned his limits pretty well by now.  I only run into two stores at a time (planned to be close together), we only stay out for a couple hours at a time with friends/at music/at family events, etc.  And if there is a big crowd, we tend to bail sooner nowadays - he just wants to run wild in the middle of it, or gets totally freaked out.  Also, telling him the play-by-play before we go out or do anything is CRUCIAL to keeping the peace (if he gets fussy, I remind him of our plan, and it really helps!  Even as a tiny infant).

I guess we just got used to him and learned to work with and respect his limitations - we don't refrain from going to too many things, as long as he seems ok - we'll just leave early if need be. 

[Chantelle691]

Hi all, 39yo single mom of an almost-11 year old only. She's awesome and we have a great time
Together. I never thought I'd be a mom of an Only, but here we are. It's funny how life works out.

[t2009]

Hi there!

I'm an almost-mid-30-y/o mama to one 3 y/o guy. With DH we are a happy family of three right now, with no plans to change anything in the near future, if ever. Thanks, fearless leaders, for starting this group! I always lost track of the other thread.

Originally Posted by cat13 

...

If it were solely up to DH, he'd make an appointment to get the big V tomorrow, but I'm just not ready for such a permanent solution. I am about 90% sure I only want the one baby, but who knows what I'll be feeling in a few years? But I can definitely imagine our little trio family's future and I really like what I 'see'. 

...

This totally describes us! I think in 2 years I will be totally ready to commit to the big V. I've been around a few little babies recently & I'm actually surprised that I come away from it with absolutely zero desire to be mothering an infant. This definitely wasn't the case before I got pregnant with DS! I totally had baby fever then!

Quote:

Originally Posted by pickle18 

I completely understand!!!   There have been times when I've briefly considered having another kid (sometimes, all this research into parenting, education, etc. seems like I should have more to justify it! haha), but it's never for the right reasons, and it comes to a VERY swift end when I imagine taking care of a baby again!!! 

 

I think about this often.  Whatever the reason for having one (& I don't dwell on it because my DS is here & I try to live in the present!), I cannot come up with a solid, good reason for having a second.  Of course, there are benefits of having a sibling (I have a sibling who I love dearly, so I struggle with this...) but I also think there are benefits to being an only. In any case I don't think that simply providing DS with a sibling is reason enough for having another & when I consider all three of us, I definitely don't think it's the right thing right now. 

[onlyzombiecat]

Hi everyone! I'm a 37year old mom, dh is 31 and our dd is 12 years old now.

Dd is an only child by choice. We decided to not have more children around the time dd was 1 year old. Dh had a vasectomy when dd was around 3 years old. We are all content with our family size.

Dd has always been homeschooled. There are advantages to homeschooling one child vs. homeschooling multiple children of different ages. I haven't really felt like there are disadvantages in homeschooling just one child except not being able to reuse materials for another child. Not a big deal though.

[sk8boarder15]

Hi there! I'm a 26 year old mom of a 20 month old (though I also have 5 dogs!). We are happy as a family of 3, but also are considering more, but for now we can't. 

We are living near chicago and trying to get to Portland, but we have no idea when we will be moving. So for now we are staying a family of 3 till we are settled and my DH has his new business.  

[julieven]

Hi - I'd like to join too. I have one almost 6 year old DD.

I am not sure where I fit in MDC right now, but she's an only child and it's unlikely we will be able to have another, so here I am.

[vydalea]

Hi Julieven!! 

[Amy@STL]

Hello, i would like to join as well:)
I am a 32 yr mon to 2 yr old DS, who started out being an only by choice and now we are bound by circumstance as well. He wont have a sibling. Its funny how the minute I came to know that we can't have anymore kids ( vs. Choosing not to) I am obsessed with the negatives of having an only child.
We are non americans and in my culture only kids are rare. None of my friends here in usa have onlies. I have trouble imagining how we will take vacations when he is grown up a bit. Right now, we travel and have fun because a toddler needs a mom more than a friend:) DS has travelled on plane 16 times by now( feel free to ask me any questions about travel for those mamas who want to be indepenedent) and been on 2 car trips of 9 hrs.

I also struggle with loss of me time. I need vast amounts of it and with an only, except nap times( which is also chore/cook/shower! time) I feel like trapped by evening. DH is a doctor and suoer busy. We hope to be moving to a house and a new city in next month and I plan to put DS in 3 hrs morning montessori preschool. I really really hope he likes it

Looking forward to sharing stories with you all!

P.s: can someone link me to the grand old thread you are referring to?

[vegrunr]

Hi Everyone!  I also want to join this group.  My husband and I are 28 (but will be 29 in the Fall) and have an amazing little guy, Eli, who will be 2 in September.  I never imagined that I would only want one but I also get that PANIC feeling when I think of having any more.  We may in the future but for now we're very happy as a family of 3.  Eli was a terrible sleeper for the first 13 or so months of his life which I can't say hasn't contributed to our decision.  It was a tough first year for sure!  He is just now starting to sometimes sleep thru the night at 22 mos. He is already out of diapers except for nights and some longer trips and is very verbal so it is hard to imagine going back to the newborn stage.  I am looking forward to traveling with him and having some more time just for my husband and I.  It has been hard as we don't have a babysitter and although my parents live close they still work fulltime and have busy lives so we don't really get to go on any date nights, etc.  I think for our marriage and sanity we are definitely not ready for another any time soon.  It can be difficult as everyone around me seems to be having their second or has already but then I see how hard it looks with 2 and it reassures me that for now our decision is the right one.  I am thinking we will homeschool Eli but we will see when he gets to that age.   I work part-time, 20 hrs/week August thru May and Eli is with my husband on 2 of my working days and 1 day with my mom(my husband and I have opposite schedules). 

[vydalea]

Originally Posted by vegrunr 

Hi Everyone!  I also want to join this group.  My husband and I are 28 (but will be 29 in the Fall) and have an amazing little guy, Eli, who will be 2 in September.  I never imagined that I would only want one but I also get that PANIC feeling when I think of having any more.  We may in the future but for now we're very happy as a family of 3.  Eli was a terrible sleeper for the first 13 or so months of his life which I can't say hasn't contributed to our decision.  It was a tough first year for sure!  He is just now starting to sometimes sleep thru the night at 22 mos. He is already out of diapers except for nights and some longer trips and is very verbal so it is hard to imagine going back to the newborn stage.  I am looking forward to traveling with him and having some more time just for my husband and I.  It has been hard as we don't have a babysitter and although my parents live close they still work fulltime and have busy lives so we don't really get to go on any date nights, etc.  I think for our marriage and sanity we are definitely not ready for another any time soon.  It can be difficult as everyone around me seems to be having their second or has already but then I see how hard it looks with 2 and it reassures me that for now our decision is the right one.  I am thinking we will homeschool Eli but we will see when he gets to that age.   I work part-time, 20 hrs/week August thru May and Eli is with my husband on 2 of my working days and 1 day with my mom(my husband and I have opposite schedules). 

My little Z was also a terrible sleeper!  My DH and I always talk about how terrible it would be to go back to the newborn stage!!  and I am TOTALLY familiar with the PANIC feeling!! I praise the Universe every month when my period comes! haha! 

[glassesgirlnj]

Hi vegrunr!  Does your name mean that you're a vegetarian? My spouse is too.

I can also relate to those DEAR LORD NOT THE NOOB PHASE AGAIN feelings (my daughter had colic, and jaundice, and reflux, and was a klutz at breastfeeding).  And we also have a lack of babysitters nearby - only one of A's grandparents is still alive, and she uses a wheelchair so it wouldn't be fair to leave a crawling baby with her.  But we really enjoy taking A places with us, at 8 months she's become quite the little charmer!  And we can afford a paid sitter maybe every six weeks or so.

Homeschooling is also one of the options we're considering.  Do you have any recommended sites or books to start our research?

[vegrunr]

Glassesgirlnj- Yes, I am vegan and my husband and son are vegetarian.  As for homeschooling, I have a few blogs that I read that talk about teaching kids at home and have cool activities to do:

http://sewliberated.typepad.com/

http://playathomemom3.blogspot.com/

I really haven't begun any in-depth reading or research on the topic.  I am considering sending Eli to pre-school at 2 1/2 or 3 for a few mornings a week to see how it goes and then figure we'll probably decide from there. 

[PacificMar]

Thanks for starting this forum!

Strictly speaking, we're not parents of an only--we have a 21-year-old daughter whom we adopted last year and I'm 25 weeks pregnant with our first biological offspring--but because our daughter lives independently from us, the new one will effectively be an only child. I'll be 42 when he or she is born, my spouse is 50, and I conceived via donor insemination, so we'd be unlikely to create any more offspring anyway. However, this has worked out fine for us, as I've known since I was in my mid-twenties that a household with multiple children just wasn't for me. There are many only-child and no-child families within my extended family and my mother is an only child, which gives us precedent (and lots of support). My husband's family is large and each of his siblings is happy to have more than one child, but they understand our unique circumstances and haven't questioned our plans. 

I made my only-child decision for a number of reasons, the biggest being that I'm a quiet, introverted person who just doesn't do well with lots of people, and distractions, around me. I cherish spending one-on-one time with good friends (two at once at most), but larger groups overwhelm me--groups of children more so than groups of adults. As soon as I developed insight into myself, I realized that a herd of children, or even a pair, both/all clamoring for attention, would prove difficult for me to manage. (That's why my husband has agreed to handle the little-kid birthday parties.) 

It took my husband more time to realize that a house full of children wasn't for him either: he is one of six children and throughout his childhood and young adulthood, he assumed he would have a big family too. However, we had trouble with multiple pregnancy losses and ended up spending 17 years happily married without children. He realized he enjoyed our way of life and, while he still very much wanted to be a parent, he concluded that one child would alter our lives sufficiently without more than one in the mix (especially now that we're no longer 25!) 

I have one brother, to whom I'm close, but I know many more people who have strained relationships with their siblings, and there's no guarantee that having a sibling will produce instant friendships. There are many other meaningful relationships children can form: with classmates, extended family, etc. When I was 20, I met a lady who had one child and when I asked her in my naive way why she didn't have any more, she said, "Siblings are overrated." It took a little time for me to absorb her wisdom, but now I appreciate it!

[DaisyO]

Hi!

I have a sweet daughter who just turned two.  My partner and I are pretty sure she will be our one and only.  I feel like a bit of an outsider, with lots of friends who have a new (second) baby or are currently pregnant.  Or just expect to have more than one someday.  Even our pediatrician gave us a weird comment about raising an only child--we asked for advice, and she said "Well, I really don't have much to say about that...in my whole practice, I haven't met more than three or four families who intend to have an only child".  So anyway, in my current social environment I don't feel supported and am happy to be part of this group.

Thanks a lot!

Daisy Olden

[annaknitsspock]

Hi all, I was just searching for this group today and luckily a thread led me here. Thanks to those who created this group! My husband and I are parents of an almost 2-year-old DD, and 'm pretty sure I don't want another child. DH feels exactly the opposite, so it can be a difficult issue. Glad to be in the company of moms of onlies!

[iris777888]

Welcome, Daisy and Anna!