Okay - ds2 (he's six, will be seven in July) has a lot of behavioural issues. We've never managed to find a decent way to address them, or to discipline him. He's been a problem for a long time. DH and I have both yelled at him in the past - quite a lot, at times - out of sheer frustration. We've tried time-ins and time-outs (not punitive, generally - just a "go upstairs and calm down, and let us know when you're ready to behave" kind of thing).
I keep feeling as though things are getting better (and they are, in some ways - at least he's not peeing - or pooping - on the carpets every day, anymore), but we still have a lot of issues with him. He handles interpersonal issues with other kids very badly - lots of hitting and throwing things. He does some of the same things at home. He routinely tears apart his older sister's drawings and craft projects. (I know that one is partly anger/frustration because he thinks he "sucks at art"). He throws things and hits people - everyone in the family has been hit by him at one time or another - and breaks things deliberately.
This morning, I was upstairs, getting dressed, and a neighbourhood kid came to the door to ask dd1 to play. The rule is that they can't go outside until after I'm downstairs and dressed. So, dd1 was standing on our porch, talking to her friend, and ds2 suddenly unzipped his PJs, and peed on her! He got her pants, our porch and her bike helmet, which was sitting on the porch. He got sent to his room to calm down, and he apologized to dd1, and the morning got a bit better for a short period time. Then, he took the tv remote (they each like to watch a youtube video every day) and hid it so dd1 couldn't use it. I told him to tell her where it was, or he was going to be banned from youtube. He told her where it was. Then, he, dd1's friend (who had come over, because she's not allowed to play outside in the rain), and dd2 were all dancing to a youtube video. There were no visible issues. They were all having fun. Then, dd1 walked over to me and handed me her glasses - in two pieces. DS2 had suddenly pulled them off her face, and snapped them in half, without any warning at all.
It's 10:10 in the morning. We have some kind of variation on this theme every single day. I'm exhausted, frustrated, and just don't seem to be able to come up with effective ways to address his behaviour.
(And, yes - I do think he has special needs. I'll probably start work on an evaluation soon. I'm highly doctor-phobic, for a lot of reasons. When I started the evaluation last time, the ped I was referred to basically ignored everything I told her about him, and said "ADD and maybe some mild ODD", then proceeded to give me entirely unnecessary parenting tips, based on what she'd seen in her office. She was correcting me for something that I wasn't even doing, and telling me how I should handle things, without asking how I was handling things. (Basically, ds2 bit me on the stomach, twice, during the appointment - this a week or so before his sixth birthday. Both times, I put him back in his chair - pushed, but didn't shove, if that makes sense, and said something like, "we do not bite - this is inappropriate behaviour - I'll be done soon - settle down, and stay in your seat". The ped said I was "talking too much" and trying to "over-reason" with him, and I should just put him immediately into time-out...not sure how I'd do that in her office, even if I were so inclined.)
I actually started crying while typing this, when I looked over to see dd1's glasses. I'm soooo done..
Edited by Storm Bride - 5/6/12 at 9:56pm