Anybody else just *know* this is the last one? « Back to Group Discussions

[Thandiwe]

Not seeking to start a debate on whether or not to be done having babies, just curious if anyone else can relate.  I have been pretty confident over the last while that this will be our last.  I'm feeling a bit overwhelmed and just kind of have this, "Okay, this is it.  Last one.  After this, we're shutting down the plant!" feeling.  I wasn't sure when I first got pregnant; I thought I could just go on having more.  But I just recently have this sense of closure, knowing this is it and I'm actually excited.  DH will get a vasectomy in the next year (it's all out of pocket, so we'll have to save up for it) and I'm ready.  We are expecting our fourth by birth but we still financially support our former fosterling by helping to buy clothes, shoes, and spending weekends with her.  So it's kind of like we're expecting our 5th.  And I think I'm all set!   I enjoy having babies, but I'm looking forward to passing out of the baby stage and everyone moving forward.  I feel stuck in limbo as my oldest is starting to hit that older childhood stage and I'm still in the diaper stage.  I'm ready for everyone to start moving forward, to have closure, to know this is the end.  My sanity needs it!  Pregnancy is hard to go through emotionally and physically with several littles already!

Anybody else relate?

[ithappened]

yeap. the twins will be our last.. I hate being pregnant to be honest and this is really the last go for me. We wanted 3 kids, so we got lucky I guess that #2 ended up also being #3
 

[sallyrae17]

I'm also done after this babe. We weren't sure if we wanted more than one, but after I had a miscarriage we decided that we definitely wanted one more. My son really wanted/wants a sibling as well. People actually give me weird looks when I say that I'm done after "only two." I guess I just never saw myself with a large number of children. 

[rebecca10]

I've been wanting to start a thread on this for a while, so thanks.  Yes, this is our last too. But I have a lot of mixed feelings about it.  When my husband and I first met he was adament that he only wanted one child. Before we got married, I was able to convince him to have two (with the caveat that we wouldn't use artificial methods to try for the second, which luckily, assuming all goes will with this pregnancy, didn't become an issue), but I agreed that two would be our limit. He remains dead set on not more than two, and I am committed to honoring our agreement. It's really rare for him to have such strong feelings about something.   Luckily, it's not that I'm set on more than two or anything. I grew up with just one sister so that's what I'm used to and I always sort of assumed that I'd have two kids. But the finality of this being the last, definitely makes me sad sometimes, as I've really enjoined pregnancy and the baby stage, and I'm just not sure that I'm ready to be done. It makes every stage with this pregnancy all the more special, but also poignant.  

[KristyDi]

I'm intentionally putting off saying, "This is it." until after this one is born.  I had wanted at least 3.  But with my age, how long it takes us to get pregnant and how much more difficult this pregnancy is than the last one (and how much more difficult another might be when I'm 3 or 4 years older).  I'm feeling like this might be it.  I really don't like being pregnant.

But I'm really stressed right now with trying to pack the house and move to an as yet undiscovered house we plan to rent while DH, who has worked from home for the last 3 years, is suddenly never around because of his new job. Plus I've been diagnosed with Pregnancy Induced Hypertension this time.  My "This is it." feeling may be a reaction to the general upheaval and stress.

[Thandiwe]

Originally Posted by ithappened 

yeap. the twins will be our last.. I hate being pregnant to be honest and this is really the last go for me. We wanted 3 kids, so we got lucky I guess that #2 ended up also being #3
 

That has to be the blessing for you with going through a twin pregnancy!  One last time to be pregnant.  I do not like being pregnant either.  I get morning sickness something fierce and then all the aches later on; I think the only neat part is feeling them move and that personal connection to them in your womb.  But that's it!  I can't get over how tired I am this time around, so I'm ready to not have to feel like this while raising kids again! 

Originally Posted by sallyrae17 

People actually give me weird looks when I say that I'm done after "only two."

It's so crappy how people give judgments about having babies and how many you have.  We get the opposite.  We ran into someone about a month ago who we haven't seen in years.  At the time we last met up, I was pregnant with our second.  She actually said, "So, are you guys ever going to stop?"  And people like to joke about how if we have "just one more" or "just two more" that we can have a basketball or whatever team. 

Originally Posted by rebecca10 

Yes, this is our last too. But I have a lot of mixed feelings about it...But the finality of this being the last, definitely makes me sad sometimes, as I've really enjoined pregnancy and the baby stage, and I'm just not sure that I'm ready to be done. It makes every stage with this pregnancy all the more special, but also poignant.  

  We always planned on having four, so it was just expected this would be our last.  But there is still a part of me that deep inside says, "But, but, but... I'm only going to be 29 when he's delivered!  That's so young still!"  It's so...final.  As the pregnancy moves forward, I'm feeling more closure.  When I first tested, I couldn't imagine this being the last.  I think what's driving it home is how hard it is to school the kids (we home school) with an active toddler and while being so exhausted while being pregnant.  I really want to be able to devote more time and attention to their schooling.

Originally Posted by KristyDi 

I'm intentionally putting off saying, "This is it." until after this one is born.  I had wanted at least 3.  But with my age, how long it takes us to get pregnant and how much more difficult this pregnancy is than the last one (and how much more difficult another might be when I'm 3 or 4 years older).  I'm feeling like this might be it.  I really don't like being pregnant.

But I'm really stressed right now with trying to pack the house and move to an as yet undiscovered house we plan to rent while DH, who has worked from home for the last 3 years, is suddenly never around because of his new job. Plus I've been diagnosed with Pregnancy Induced Hypertension this time.  My "This is it." feeling may be a reaction to the general upheaval and stress.

I would definitely wait until things settle and the baby is born to decide.  It sounds like you have a lot going on right now!    We knew we wanted 4, but after baby #3, we still had our fosterling and it was looking like she might stay with us forever.  We were toying with the idea of closing the door then, but I was stressed and we decided that, since it was different from "the plan," we'd just wait it out and see.  I'm glad we did, because she ended up going home and we ended up wanting our 4th.  Are you moving far?  Will you have family and friends nearby?  We moved during my last pregnancy to a city several hours away and I was so stressed out without family support or close-by friends.  I hope that you will have loved ones nearby as you adjust. 

[Honey693]

This is it for us too.  3 kids in 4 years has mentally and physically pushed me as far as I'm willing to go.  I would love for both DH and myself to get permanently fixed so there is not chance of a surprise, but apparently that's just being a little crazy. 
 

[Thandiwe]

Originally Posted by Honey693 

This is it for us too.  3 kids in 4 years has mentally and physically pushed me as far as I'm willing to go.  I would love for both DH and myself to get permanently fixed so there is not chance of a surprise, but apparently that's just being a little crazy. 
 

I don't think it's crazy at all.  We can't really afford both, so we're just doing the vasectomy.  My biggest concern, besides large insurance deductibles, was the fact that a tubal requires surgery and time away from a nursling whereas a vasectomy is just a quick snip in-office. 

[youngspiritmom]

This our second, and it could be our last so I'm trying to savor it in case it is. DH is from a LARGE family and used to say he wanted 10 kids when we first got married. I never argued with him, I just thought "OK buddy. Lets see how we do with one." Needless to say I think he has realized how much sacrifice and downright suffering his parents went through to have a large family, even though its a blessing. My position has always stayed the same: I'll decide if I want 2 after I see what 1 is like, I'll see if I want 3 after knowing what 2 is like, and so on and so forth. We decided for #2 because we wanted our first to have a sibling. But recently in the car DH just blurted out "After this baby we are done." It surprised me. We'll see what happens -- we wont tie tubes or do vasectomy, for religious reasons, so I told him to get ready for decades of birth control!!

[Thandiwe]

Originally Posted by youngspiritmom 

This our second, and it could be our last so I'm trying to savor it in case it is. DH is from a LARGE family and used to say he wanted 10 kids when we first got married. I never argued with him, I just thought "OK buddy. Lets see how we do with one." Needless to say I think he has realized how much sacrifice and downright suffering his parents went through to have a large family, even though its a blessing. My position has always stayed the same: I'll decide if I want 2 after I see what 1 is like, I'll see if I want 3 after knowing what 2 is like, and so on and so forth. We decided for #2 because we wanted our first to have a sibling. But recently in the car DH just blurted out "After this baby we are done." It surprised me. We'll see what happens -- we wont tie tubes or do vasectomy, for religious reasons, so I told him to get ready for decades of birth control!!

Yes!  Reality has a way of creeping in.   I have a few friends who have large families (5+ kids) and it is quite the sacrifice.  They enjoy it and love it, and I give them major credit.  But it was something they decided to be open to, however many kids "happened."  I commend them, but I'm not sure I'm in the same mental frame.  I personally feel stuck in a limbo as the kids start growing up and yet we're starting from the beginning.  It really slows you down for a chunk of time and while the baby is incredible, each child has impacted our family overall.  I wouldn't say for the worse, but it has impacted things.  I think it could be a lot of fun, in the long run, having a large family (5+).  I think it's very difficult in the early years, but as time passes, I am sure it's really neat to have so much family.  I had 2 siblings, but they were half sibs and born substantially later than me, so we really never got close.  As such, I felt like a loner in my own family.  I've often wondered how it must be to grow up in a large, close family.

[KristyDi]

Originally Posted by Thandiwe 

I would definitely wait until things settle and the baby is born to decide.  It sounds like you have a lot going on right now!    We knew we wanted 4, but after baby #3, we still had our fosterling and it was looking like she might stay with us forever.  We were toying with the idea of closing the door then, but I was stressed and we decided that, since it was different from "the plan," we'd just wait it out and see.  I'm glad we did, because she ended up going home and we ended up wanting our 4th.  Are you moving far?  Will you have family and friends nearby?  We moved during my last pregnancy to a city several hours away and I was so stressed out without family support or close-by friends.  I hope that you will have loved ones nearby as you adjust. 

Thankfully we're just moving from the far western suburbs of Atlanta to the northern suburbs.  With no traffic it's just over an hour or so away.  Traffic could make it 2 or more hours.  My parents and sister will still be close enough to see pretty often and help with the move and stuff, but because of the traffic issues we most likely won't be able to do dinner together several times a month like we do now.  My aunt and uncle and one of my cousins and her DH and teen sons live in the community we'll be moving to.  My Aunt and Uncle LOVE kids in general and have a great relationship with my DD even though they only see her every couple of months.  We're looking forward to being so close to them and they've already said they'd love to babysit DD.  We'll actually be a lot closer to DH's family who live in north GA.  MIL will be just over an hour away rather than just over 2.

For a while it looked like we might be moving to Texas, where we know no one and the closest family would be a 12 hour drive. So I'm incredibly thankful to be staying in the area.  Oh and one of the hospitals up in that area has the best reputation for natural birth in the area.  So that's great, but I haven't even started trying to find an OB or MW up there yet. I need to get on that.

So it's not nearly as bad as it could be.  I think I'll feel a lot better when we find a place to move to and can start making actual concrete plans.

[ilovetchotchkes]

For me it depends on my delivery. If it is a c-section? (little miss is STILL BREECH. OMFG I AM LOSING IT OVER HERE)  i am done. I know my MW's do VBACS and are awesome about that, but no. Just. No. (Illinois doesn't allow vaginal breech births unless you go underground and I dont' know yet if i'm comfortable with that)

If I get my much hoped for natural birth ? I will consider a 3rd. :) But..... I have poly cystic ovaries- not full blown PCOS, but my ovaries are chock full of little round caviar. :( So it may be a moot point- I honestly think both of my kids- it was like, LUCK because I don't ovulate frequently. And charting would not help because with the cysts, you'll get the LH surge that does get the temps and CM looking like you are ovulating, but its your body saying "HAHAHAH PSYCH!!!!"  

[Ninetales]

I know for me this isn't the last - god willing, of course, that I would be able to have more.  I know I want at least a third.  A fourth would depend on how we feel at the time.  But I do feel like I was meant to have more than two.

It doesn't help that I seem to have the world's easiest pregnancies.

[youngspiritmom]

Originally Posted by ilovetchotchkes 

 (little miss is STILL BREECH. OMFG I AM LOSING IT OVER HERE) 

I love tchotchkes -- have you tried things for optimal fetal positioning? I.e. 10-15 minutes each day (or twice a day) on hands and knees/doing pelvic rolls. Also you could try the whole lying upside down on an ironing board leaned against the couch thing (I bet you can find this on you tube). Also I did handstands in the pool underwater when my little guy was breach! None of that worked for me, so my midwife suggested I just ask the baby to move. Gah! I was willing to try anything, so I just sat in a quiet place and really tried to connect with my baby, I talked to him and said "Hi baby, this is your mommy. You are going to have to come out of there but you need to move your head down so it all works out all right. It will be ok. Just move, ok?" It worked!! I couldn't believe it.

Just some tips. How far along are you?

[sallyrae17]

My babe is still breech most of the time. Don't worry, you still have plenty of time for her to turn. I've heard of babies turning in labor....seriously. If she still hasn't turned by 32 weeks, then you can try inversions and stuff, but just know that there's still plenty of room for that baby to turn.

Originally Posted by ilovetchotchkes 

For me it depends on my delivery. If it is a c-section? (little miss is STILL BREECH. OMFG I AM LOSING IT OVER HERE)  i am done. I know my MW's do VBACS and are awesome about that, but no. Just. No. (Illinois doesn't allow vaginal breech births unless you go underground and I dont' know yet if i'm comfortable with that)

If I get my much hoped for natural birth ? I will consider a 3rd. :) But..... I have poly cystic ovaries- not full blown PCOS, but my ovaries are chock full of little round caviar. :( So it may be a moot point- I honestly think both of my kids- it was like, LUCK because I don't ovulate frequently. And charting would not help because with the cysts, you'll get the LH surge that does get the temps and CM looking like you are ovulating, but its your body saying "HAHAHAH PSYCH!!!!"  

[Thandiwe]

Originally Posted by sallyrae17 

Don't worry, you still have plenty of time for her to turn. I've heard of babies turning in labor....seriously. If she still hasn't turned by 32 weeks, then you can try inversions and stuff, but just know that there's still plenty of room for that baby to turn.

  Still very early.  I would definitely do things like pelvic rocks, lots of downward dog and cat pose.  And the ironing board trick, like what was mentioned earlier.  My baby is still doing somersaults every couple of days and trying new positions and he's measuring a solid 3 weeks ahead at all visits.  Just last night he decided to do a full roll and it felt so strange...like your tummy doing butterflies while driving over a hill and yet much lower, lol! 

[Thandiwe]

Originally Posted by Ninetales 

It doesn't help that I seem to have the world's easiest pregnancies.

Jealous, lol!    You don't get lots of morning sickness or anything?

[ilovetchotchkes]

Originally Posted by sallyrae17 

My babe is still breech most of the time. Don't worry, you still have plenty of time for her to turn. I've heard of babies turning in labor....seriously. If she still hasn't turned by 32 weeks, then you can try inversions and stuff, but just know that there's still plenty of room for that baby to turn.

Oh i know. I HAVE not been doing the cat cow. I've been avoiding my yoga class. It HURTS. its not supposed to HURT. so... um... i haven't been going. LIke, my knees THROB afterwards. 

But I do a LOT of weeding on my hands and knees in the garden. My MW said if that doesn't turn her, she'd be very surprised. 

[pure]

My baby changed from transverse to breech to cephalic during a 10 minute ultrasound! There is plenty of time and space to move and no need to even be thinking of position right now.
That said...this baby is definitely my last. This pregnancy has been hard and stressful and I am, apparently, getting old. I will not be doing this again, ever. I feel good about that decision.

[Thandiwe]

Originally Posted by pure 

That said...this baby is definitely my last. This pregnancy has been hard and stressful and I am, apparently, getting old. I will not be doing this again, ever. I feel good about that decision.

I think that's what has struck me so much about this pregnancy, how I *feel* older than with the others.  My last pregnancy, we had 3 kids at home under the age of 4 because of foster care, but it was only my 3rd pregnancy.  This being my 4th, I'm really feeling a difference physically with this one compared to my last.